Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

[NickECave]

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

I have never been to a toilet with a male cleaner in that doesn't have a sign outside informing people there is a male cleaner in

Would people really not go in because there is a sign saying there is a male cleaner?
If they won't then life in general must be pretty distressing because males inhabit the world. I'm not saying that to be arsey but to be so distrustful of men must be awful.

"But why are his feelings less important than yours?"

In this case, because I want rthe loo to remain women only. He is the one that wants to change it.

There's a sign there to say that there is a male cleaner present so that if people prefer not to go in they can avoid it. I have no way of knowing whether people avoid a toilet with a male cleaner. It doesn't bother me - I'm not sure how my Nan feels.

If a man takes his daughters in then the people who are in already or who would prefer not to have a man in there have their choice taken away from them. There is a reasonable expectation that there will be no men in the ladies

"If a man takes his daughters in then the people who are in already or who would prefer not to have a man in there have their choice taken away from them. There is a reasonable expectation that there will be no men in the ladies"

This.

unknown man in enclosed space- possibly with no other people around shew whilst in a vulnerable position (knickers down) preforming biological (base) functions)

Is completely different to men in the street. Although, sadly, not so much for some women-so its nice to have a refuse from that also, huh?

Thats the trouble, I see everybodys point.

You don't because you have entirely ignored my point and reasoning behind finding it silly that someone would imagine their daughters traumatised by the sight of a penis - that in order for that to happen there's a serious problem somewhere.

Yes, what bemy says

which can bring on feelings of being vulnerable, oppressed, powerless, degraded

Point taken

Tbh i would rather know my children are safe with my dh than leave my children to go to the toilets unattended.
It would be quite obvious the bloke has kids in tow and shouldn't really bother anyone as it is not him using the loo.
In this day and age it isnt safe to leave children to go to public toilets alone and i would rather see a bloke taking his kids to the loo than see kids unattended end-off.
Blokes loos are discusting and smelly and i prefer my dcs to be kept out of them.
As for disabled loos, if ive had the pram & 2 children with me ive had no other choice but to use it obviously being quick incase someone more in need wants to use it. Theres no way in hell id leave my baby alone in her pram.
Thats the problem isnt it, we are protecting our children from rapists & peados and thats exactly why a dad should be able to accompany his dcs to the loo!
Kids rights should come first

Whale - But don't you think there must be a serious problem with you feeling uncomfortable yourself? Understandable if some traumatic event has shaped those feelings - which understandably would lead to the feelings described in the last few posts. But less understandable if based on fear of "what if" or just a general uncomfortableness. Which is just as irrational as the fears of those who are uncomfortable with their DD in mens loos.

Not sure if I'm being massively overprotective or very pfb, but no way would I leave my baby in his pram outside a toilet cubicle while I went in. The idea gives me palpitations!

What's the verdict on changing facilities only being ladies toilets though, we encountered this at a pub yesterday; the only changing table thingy was in the ladies toilets. I suppose DH could use the travel changing mat on the floor in the mens, but the problem I've found is trying to pack the flippin' thing away whilst wrestling a wriggly baby.

Whale - But don't you think there must be a serious problem with you feeling uncomfortable yourself? Understandable if some traumatic event has shaped those feelings - which understandably would lead to the feelings described in the last few posts. But less understandable if based on fear of "what if" or just a general uncomfortableness. Which is just as irrational as the fears of those who are uncomfortable with their DD in mens loos.

No, I am an adult and I expect to be able to do my business without a male audience, that is perfectly normal, not because I think of all men as perverts.
It is normal for an adult woman who knows the differences between males and females, has sex etc etc not to want to have a shit, or get a tampon from a machine with a man in there. It is normal for an adult woman to be embarrassed if a male of the species hears her going to the toilet and not want that to happen.

A child should be oblivious and enjoy being a child - a penis should not traumatise a child unless there's a serious problem.

shew but the vast majority of women who feel 'uncomfortable' have had experiences that make them feel like that

And why should a women have to justify or explain why she feels like she does? About a man in a womans toilet-that is degrading and violating in itself

I can understand a mother bringing young boys into the women's toilets with her but older boys and men should not use them IMO. TO answer the OP, I would not "be offended" by a man in the women's toilets as you put it but I would object to it. In order for all female users to feel secure, multiple user toilets are an area that no men should be entering. I don't think it should be a case of some men under certain circumstances should be using them. If it is a single toilet which you access from outside or a hallway such as a small restaurant or a petrol station might have, and a man uses that with his dds, I think that is reasonable, or any man who cannot wait for the men's room to be free, such an older man with continence problems for instance, or anyone with a driving need. I don't see the harm in that. THe man is then in there entirely on his own or with his dc, but if it is a public room that more people use at once, I don't personally find it acceptable.

actually-that is a presumption on my part, maybe they havent had experiences

but, still they shouldnt have to justify how they feel, because other people tell them its not normal to feel like that

A child should be oblivious - you're right..

Why is it normal for adults to be uncomfortable? Why should you be? It's only because the norm in England has been that way. As others have said it's not the norm in France and it's going more unisex in this country too in new builds. Personally I would say its less normal to feel uncomfortable in this way nowadays but you are not wrong to feel how you do.

It's normal for you. And I haven't got a problem with that. But you can't knock others for feeling uncomfortable with DD in mens loos. It's irrational yes, but it's how they feel and they are just as entitled to their feelings as you.

My daughter is 4 and refuses to go into men's toilets, and she also refuses to go in by herself.

That was more to whale

Young children generally wouldn't be traumatised by seeing men at urinals, being embarrassed about bodily functions etc is something they learn a thy grow up. I remember as a little girl, asking my mum why toilets had doors and she said because a lady wouldn't want a man to see her going to the toilet, but t that age, I couldn't see the problem!

"And why should a women have to justify or explain why she feels like she does?"

Because it's always the woman who has to accommodate. Always.

Easily Bored, he would have to use the ladies then IMO. What choice has he got? But he might get battered by an army of nans.

Yes,
I think unisex loos are becoming more common, such as in schools, and our sea front has just been revamped and they've put in unisex loos to make them more family friendly.

I haven't "knocked" anyone as you put it. All I've done is put across my opinion, same as anyone else.

There is a problem if a child is traumatised by seeing a penis. Full stop. That's an issue right there.

It's completely normal to not want to share my toilet habits with men. Many men I know find the idea of women toileting repulsive - my DH does not want to be audience to me having a shit or changing my tampon, and I do not want him present either. I equally don't want to share my toileting facilities with men and witness them going.

"Personally I would say its less normal to feel uncomfortable in this way nowadays"

I think it's more normal to be uncomfortable with going to the loo in front of the opposite sex.

Young children generally wouldn't be traumatised by seeing men at urinals, being embarrassed about bodily functions etc is something they learn a thy grow up.

Exactly my point!