Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

[NickECave]

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

Men would have to be desperate to use the ladies - queues are too long.

and in the same way i have taken my boys in with me to the ladiestoilets when little i expect dp take dd into the mens toilets when she is at the age to need adult help (not yet potty training age)

it wouldnt bothere me a man coming in with a small child as i would understand they were probably caught short etc, but i do agree a knock and a quick call of 'dad needing to take small dd to the toilet is it ok if i come in' would be a VERY good idea to give people warning.

but on the whole they can just use the mens, unless there is some dire need, and if you dont think the mens is clean enough then complain to the management.

But it was OK for me using the disabled toilet when have a knee op but I could really have used the ladies toilet ?

Mums babies with toddlers don't need- to use the disabled toilet they choose to because it makes it a bit easier for them .

Remember the days of heaving a toddler and new born around or have we all forgotten or are wearing halos !

There is a massive difference between relaxed nudity at home and in a public toilet.

I don't see how, unless you are using a public toilet filled with flashers and perverts just waiting to show small girls their willies! That's the only way it would traumatise surely?

If your girls were used to willies and know what they are, how would seeing a flash of one, which is quite a remote chance, traumatise them?

I have used the mens before now because pissed off with waiting at the ladies - why the queues ? Oh I know all the mums in their trying to manage their newborns and toddlers, buggies and prams

Fanjo, I'm not proposing all parents with children just pop in... Just perhaps those that have a need, ie, men who don't want to take DDs in the mens, or those with large prams.

Odd isn't it that most people seem to be encountering empty loos while one or two posters on here are encountering loos full of the 'entitled'.

All I'm proposing is the use of common sense coupled with courtesy. And I am certainly not advocating giving out blue badges, primarily used for parking not toilets I thought? I'm also not advocating giving out radar keys.

Forgive me but I thought loos for the disabled were about inclusiveness not separation anyway.

hattie
I have no problem with this - I take my DS in the ladies all the time. So the reverse has to apply and definitely wouldn't want my girls in the mens!

but the reverse would be your DH taking your dd into the mens

I wouldn't like a man coming in to the ladies and I am fairly relaxed.
Many are saying they would be fine with it but most of on here are mums who would understand why the man had come in but what about young teens Im pretty sure if I had gone to the toilet when I was 13 and seen a man in the toilets I'd have been horrified same goes for older women, I doubt they would be too impressed either.

Some toilets (both mens and womens) are horrible its just a fact, you just go as quickly as you can holding the child over the seat if neccessary and give your hands and dc's hands a good wash on the way out, I don't think that 'the toilets are often dirty'is a good enough excuse for a man to come in to the ladies with small children tbh.

Something that makes it a bit easier for the poor mummys makes it a LOT harder for people with disabilities, is their life not tough enough already without making it harder for all the reasons explained on this thread that for the most parthave been ignored because it doesn't fit in with the view that using the disabled affects no one.

Our local school doesn't even have boys/ girls toilets anymore. Just all communal and weirdly about 20 cubicles in a semicircle, facing the staff room. No main door or anything. No urinals. Just a semicircle of cubicles with a hand washing station in the mddle. Supposed to stop bullying and "inaproriate" behaviour apparently. As for a dad coming into the ladies toilets I think that it would be polite to shout through, but I wouldn't have a major problem with it.

Im sure there are ways around the specific issue of a man going in the ladies with older children without using disabled facilities. However vilifying everyone who has used them it a bit bloody extreme.

Maybe it would be better to direct this vitriol at the owners of establishments who have put the nappy changing facility in the disabled loo in the first place?

I have used the mens before now because pissed off with waiting at the ladies - why the queues ? Oh I know all the mums in their trying to manage their newborns and toddlers, buggies and prams

and boys plenty old enough to use the gents on their own :)

Oh god common sense out the window !

Disabled toilet empty -

Manoeuvre with buggy and toddler around tiny ladies toilet ( with queue)

Answers on a postcard ....

Women use private toilets within a cubical. Men use urinals.

I don't think it would traumatise them (girls or men using the facilities). All parties are entitled to privacy when using the toilet.

Fine whoopy - providing you're not the sort that gets huffy when I bring my 13 year old son into the ladies when the disabled toilet is full (he doesn't look disabled).

why would a grown man feel uncomfortable with a small girl child in the mens toilet but be ok with small male childs in the toilet? They are children

Why is it ok for a small boy child to witness a line of mens backs at the urinals, but this would be deeply distressing and inappropriate for small female childs?????? They are children

eggrules my DH uses a cubicle. He doesn't like urinals!

Good post bejeezus

Just to reiterate. In the gents the last thing you'll find a man doing is exposing his willy. The lengths we go to to shield our manhood from view is quite comical.

saintly - I dont have a problem with that

A bit of understanding all round I think is key .

i am not saying its easy or convenient to use the ladies toilet with a baby and toddler and pushchair but you can and have a choice, other people arent that lucky.

and my youngest two are 17mths and just 4 yrs, so actually its not that long ago that i had a newborn and a toddler and now when i am out i have to take them both in with me, or i leave the 17mth old strapped in her pushchair and talk to her whilst i am in the cubicle, is it a bit of a pita at times? yes but not as much of a pita as a disabled person needing the toilet and not being able to use it as an able bothered person is wrongly using those facilites.

Hmm - as long as you're happy for me to get the huffing and puffing from others though - because that's what happens when ds1 can't get into the disabled toilet. You might be happy with him in the mens but many aren't. So I'm the one who gets the fall out from the disabled toilet being full.

Now sometimes it's unavoidable, and if so, so be it. I have pretty much rhino skin these days anyway. But if it isn't unavoidable then someone has just needlessly made our day to day that little bit harder or more irritating. But hey ho.

For me there is a difference in privacy between the facilities for the two sexes.

I would not take my DS into the gent's toilet. I don't need to see owt.

If I have a choice between using the male and female toilets with a young child I would always use the female ones.

Yonwhalefish..your point is? Your DH met a rude disabled man? We have met lots of rude people with no disabilities

My POINT is that there is not this much of a fuss about disabled facilities being strictly for the disabled out and about, and sometimes people may be using the disabled because they have been told to, not because they are entitled arseholes.

Maybe the people who provide disabled facilities reviewed the way they go about it there wouldn't be such a problem with entitled arseholes using them - ie not using them as a convenience toilet instead of the proper toilets because they won't man them properly like my local tesco.

Maybe if there were more than one it'd be better all round.

ok?

*I would not take my DS into the gent's toilet. I don't need to see owt.

If I have a choice between using the male and female toilets with a young child I would always use the female ones.*

Are you male or female? If you are female it makes sense to take your young children in the ladies rather than the mens, whatever sex the children are.

Whoopydo - interesting that you picked one word from my post to comment on, and utterly ignored the rest of it.

As I said, the difference between an able-bodied mum with a buggy, and a disabled person is that the disabled person needs to use the disabled loo - and it is the only loo that is definitely set up to meet their needs, whereas the mum with the buggy and the children wants to use it, and there are other toilets available for her needs.

Whilst that mum is using the disabled loo, a person with continence issues could be soiling themselves outside because they cannot wait and cannot use the ordinary loos - is that acceptable? Or an epileptic person, such as ApocalypseCheeseToastie's neice might be having a fit in a cubicle in the ladies' loos, and coming to harm because there isn't room there to catch her and keep her safe if she has a fit - is that OK, because she, and her parents/family 'should have a bit of understanding' for the needs of the able-bodied mum?

How would you comfort me if I had a sudden attack of torrential IBS diarrhoea, dashed for the disabled loo because there was a huge queue in the ladies' loos, and found it occupied by the able-bodied young mum with her buggy, and as a result I couldn't get to the loo in time, and suffered my attack of diarrhoea standing outside the loo? Thank god that has never happened to me, but it has been a damned close thing on occasions - I have reached the loo literally at the last possible second before the explosion occurred. Had I had to wait, I would not have been able to hold on - it is like being kicked in the stomach, there is nothing you can do. If that happened to me, how understanding should I be of the ablebodied mum?