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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:
MrGin · 08/05/2012 09:53

I think all men would understand that the Ladies is a no go area. The fact that some women aren't bothered is irrelevant really as a man has no idea of the opinions of those you might encounter in the loo. So you have to assume that there will be a woman in there who'll be very uncomfortable with a man whatever the circumstance. One has to respect that of course.

I'm sure not all ladies loos smell of roses and sparkle with elbow grease, but I think the worst examples of men's loos are worse than the worst female ones, as well as being filthy they can contain rather seedy sexual elements. It's pretty common to see some message scrawled on the cubicle wall inviting gay sexual encounters ( but hey, you might meet George Michael ) . I've found people crashed out in cubicles before. I feel threatened in some male loos. By no means all, but certainly some. And obviously I wouldn't want to take a three year old girl in there.

But life ain't perfect. Thankfully most of the time taking dd swiftly into a cubicle isn't a problem.

seeker · 08/05/2012 09:56

"Why is it entitled to use an empty facility no one else is waiting to use? Don't get it."

And why is it entitled to do this, but not "entitled" for a man to stride into a woman's loo simply because he has children with him?

Eggrules · 08/05/2012 09:58

Location and age of the children make a difference.

I am shocked that a Dad was helping his two young daughters (age 2 and 4) would have any kind of problem in a PUBLIC toilet. If I see this happening when I am out and about, I shall be especially friendly.

seeker · 08/05/2012 09:59

MrGin-maybe that should be the milestone "if you're old enough to read the graffiti, you're old enough to go into the appropriately tendered loo on your own"!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 09:59

So its fine if I arrive just after you to change my 5.5 year old DD's nappy..she has severe ASD and she has a meltdown outside because she doesnt do waiting..that would be fun..no overreacting here

halcyondays · 08/05/2012 09:59

You've been very lucky with ladies' toilets then, Nick, because I've been in plenty of them that have been far from salubrious. Dirty toilets and watching a young dc doesn't touch things is not just a problem in the men's. And if you took two young boys out, you would have the same issues, so should a dad take his sons to the ladies' because they might be cleaner than the gents'?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:01

Dont comment on whether people are overreacting until you have walked in their shoes.

And you will say 'what if a disabled person was in there, she would have to wait' ..that would be fair enough as they have no other choice but you do.

Sarcalogos · 08/05/2012 10:02

Absolutely seeker I agree.

Back at the beginning of this thread I wanted to say use the disabled but didnt for fear of a flaming. I'm glad braver mnetters than me have fought the point!

Obviously you should always check to see if someone disabled is making their way over to the toilet/give priority to disabled people waiting. But nipping in to use it quickly when there is no one else waiting? Of course, why wouldnt you? If we look at statistically how many disabled toilets there are and how often they are in use by people who need them I am sure they often stand empty. This is not to say they aren't essential- of course they are, but there use can be shared.

It's like saying you wouldn't let your child stand in the wheelchair space of a bus just in case someone with a disability got on. (obviously you would move if they did... But 9/10 it won't be an issue).

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:03

X-posted there

ABatInBunkFive · 08/05/2012 10:04

PUBLIC FEMALE toilet, missed out the key part there eggrules.

It is entitled for both a man to think he can use the female toilet because he wasnts to, and for someone to use the disabled toilet just because there is nobody waiting outside it.

It is rather telling that people who use them say usually there is someone else with a buggy waiting to use it after them, if everyone with a buggy switched to the disabled loos, when would the actual disabled get a look in?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:05

Sarcalogos..if everyone did it there would be an issue as it would always be full of parents and kids.

YonWhaleFish · 08/05/2012 10:05

YABU. A grown man should go only in the men's or disabled, he does not belong in the ladies and I would be offended by him being there.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 10:06

It's entitled to us the disabled facilities cos you can't be arsed to queue. But when your out with a pram and there are access issues in the ladies, sometimes there is little choice. If I was in a shopping centre with a mother & baby changing toilet and a disabled toilet, I would queue for the correct facility of course. Does that make me entitled?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:06

Exactly, abat

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:08

Oh for your 'access issues.'

Whoopydofoxpoo · 08/05/2012 10:08

I never encountered a queue outside the disabled toilet when I took my two in there - I have never encountered a person with disabilities waiting to get in after me !

Am sure alot of MN would agree with that .

saintlyjimjams · 08/05/2012 10:08

People will get huffy because they do if my 13 year old son uses the ladies (he needs supervision and some help using the toilet). So I either send him into the mens with his younger brothers (aged 7 and 10) to provide his help, or preferably use the disabled toilet (he won't wait for the disabled toilet if it's occupied). If neither of those options are available I take him into the ladies with me and put up with the huffing.

YonWhaleFish · 08/05/2012 10:12

It's funny the issues with non disabled using the disabled - our local tesco ALWAYS shuts the ordinary toilets in the evening due to teenagers damaging them and only has the disabled open for use.

My DH has been called a "filthy pig" by a disabled person after he came out of the loo - which he was using because the sign on the men's door directed him to.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:13

Whoopde, that's because a lot of folk are decent and don't use the disabled toilet.

We have had to wait while people use toilet and also come out to find people with disablities waiting.

It would be.much worse if every parent and child felt entitled to 'just pop in'. But they don't.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 10:13

That's a bit unfair fanjo. You cannot get a pram into some toilets, some places don't have lifts. I'm not in any way comparing that to having a disability myself. I've gone on holiday as a helper recently with 5 wheelchair using children and I can see how bloody hard it is.

saintlyjimjams · 08/05/2012 10:15

Ds1 btw is a disabled person who needs a disabled toilet when with an opposite sex carer (so as to not upset the neurotypicals - he doesn't care which toilet he uses) - and yes sometimes they are occupied by people. So I don't buy all this 'oh I've never encountered a disabled person waiting - maybe they're like my son and won't wait'. Sometimes they are occupied by people changing babies nappies who don't lock the door in which case ds1 usually joins them before I can stop him (please lock the door if you don't want a teenager using the toilet next to you!)

As I said if the disabled toilet is in use and my 7 and 10 year old sons are with me then they take him, if they're not we go to the ladies. If someone had a go at me and the disabled toilet was occupied by someone who had a choice to go elsewhere I would be Hmm. Although I don't suppose they'd notice.

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 10:15

I haven't gone in to the disabled toilets with an able bodied child by the way. For that I would use the ladies. On my own, with a pram, yes. And of course to use the nappy facility.

ABatInBunkFive · 08/05/2012 10:17

Do you know what i've seen the light, people with children under fives should use disabled loos, and have a blue badge after all it's just the same as actually being disabled isn't it. Hmm

Parents have a million other options that just aren't available to those with disabilities, why is that so hard to see, i hope some people when their precious bubbas are older look back and feel fucking ashamed of their attitude.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 08/05/2012 10:19

Yonwhalefish..your point is? Your DH met a rude disabled man? We have met lots of rude people with no disabilities

Whoopydofoxpoo · 08/05/2012 10:20

Fanjo - how would you expect a parent to go to toilet with a pram / buggy with newborn and a toddler ?

The options are squeeze into a ladies toilet - dont think so ?

or use the vacant larger disabled toilet ?

I am sorry that you have found that you have had to wait but I would use the toilet disabled with two little children. Thankfully I no longer have that dilemma.

However when I has my knee op and my DH took me out I had to use the disabled toilet because it had the hand rail next to loo so I could steady myself - would you have a problem with that ? Or rather my DH accompany me to the ladies ?

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