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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 08:51

Fair enough bubbaluv. I think my post was partly to you, but also to other posters who have said negative personal stuff about those uncomfortable with this. I hadn't realised you were also not comfortable with it - sorry

Whoopydofoxpoo · 08/05/2012 08:52

I have two DS .

Used to take them into the ladies with me or into disabled toilet - do not see a problem with disabled toilet (more often than not they also have the baby changing facility) - have never seen anyway waiting outside looking angry when I've come out - in fact never seen anyone waiting !

Also have never seen a Dad in a Ladies toilet with his DD - I dont think it would bother me really - I would understand why he was there.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 08:54

I think women's toilets are already recognised as a woman only space. In an emergency yes e.g. men's toilets closed so can't take dc in, but there are few situations I can think of that are genuine emergencies

claudedebussy · 08/05/2012 08:56

no i wouldn't have a problem with it mainly because i've never seen it happen so be likely to think it was an emergency.

if a lot of men started to do it then i'd be a bit more

CherryBlossom27 · 08/05/2012 09:02

Personally, I wouldn't want to see a man in a woman's toilet! However, if he was to call in and ask first if he could bring his young daughter in then I don't think it would be an issue, as it would take out the shock of the situation. Anyone who is doing anything they don't want a man to see/hear can say "just a minute" and the problem is solved.

I wouldn't want a young girl being taken into the men's toilets as I wouldn't want her seeing random bloke peeing in a urinal. I also think the majority of men would be a bit miffed at seeing a girl in the men's toilets too.

I think it's ok for a young boy say five or under to go into the ladies toilets with their mum. I think above this age they're probably old enough to go into the men's unaccompanied whilst the mum waits outside.

I would say on the issue of the disabled toilets that I have used them when I have my DS as usually they're the only toilets with nappy changing facilities in them.

Also if I'm on my own with DS and I need the toilet I can take the pram into the toilet with me rather than leaving him unattended outside. I've never seen a queue for the disabled toilet, and obviously if a disabled person needed to use the toilet I would let them go first regardless of who got to the toilet first.

I think some posters have got a bit carried away with the disabled toilets issue in all honesty.....

SweetTheSting · 08/05/2012 09:03

Feels to me like this is putting the onus on women to support the 'child friendly' space. Maybe if men are taking their kids into the men's toilets more, whatever changes men feel would be necessary eg more cubicles, better screening for the urinals, communal loos or whatever.

I actually don't think the current set up is a problem, I believe Fred when he says that it's unlikely much will be seen anyway. AlsO, what inappropriate question? 'why is that man holding hIs willy?' 'because that's how grown up men pee' seems about the size of it.

Anecdotally I have never seen a bl

SweetTheSting · 08/05/2012 09:06

I actually don't think the current set up is a problem, I believe Fred when he says that it's unlikely much will be seen anyway. AlsO, what inappropriate questionS are causing worry? 'why is that man holding hIs willy?' 'because that's how grown up men pee' seems about the size of it.

Anecdotally I have never seen a blOke in the ladies' but I have seen women with the door propped open checking on their pram.

tantrumsandballoons · 08/05/2012 09:06

I would much rather my DH had taken my dd into the women's toilet, than have her in the men's, where there are men at urinals openly.

Honestly, most people especially with children would understand, not many parents would be happy to send their 2 and 4 yo DCs into any public toilet unaccompanied in case the sight of a father offended any of the women in there.

Sirzy · 08/05/2012 09:10

So again why can young boys go into the gents but some people are so against it for girls. What exactly is going to happen to a girl who sees very little at the urinals?

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 09:10

I agree sweet

hattymattie · 08/05/2012 09:11

I have no problem with this - I take my DS in the ladies all the time. So the reverse has to apply and definitely wouldn't want my girls in the mens!

tantrumsandballoons · 08/05/2012 09:15

Boys go into the men's toilets, thats where they will always go.
When I took my DS into the ladies, the cubicle door is closed, in the men's, the urinal is open.
What they see is irrelevant, to me personally it's inappropriate for a girl to be in a place where grown men are exposed. Maybe it's just me, but I don't feel it's necessary. I don't know many men who would be happy to see little girls bought into the men's toilet, they would feel uncomfortable.

Sirzy · 08/05/2012 09:25

I have never met a men who is uncomfortable by a small child being accompanied by their dad into the toilets.

tantrumsandballoons · 08/05/2012 09:27

I have met plenty of men who would feel very uncomfortable with a 4 yo girl in a men's toilet.

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 09:28

Cheery Blossom that is such an "entitled view. You are in there why, because it is conveinant for you to have all your stuff in there. So your ok then, as has been said many times up thread whilst you are all safe and comfy in the loo, the disabled person who needs the loo who arrived after you went in is the one that just has to hope they can wait. Nice.

Others who are saying that this is turning in to a problem that women are being forced to fix. Well duh yea this is a predominantly womens forum so it would seem like that. In RL no one is fixing it which is why a women brought it up in to a womens forum. And yes possibly men should be complaining about the state of their toilets but someone of what ever gender has to begin the conversation, why should it not be women as it seems that some women feel more icky about young girls seeing strange willies or having accidently flash a random man in the loo, than they do about denying other members of society access to a facility they need. I would also say that just because the changing platform might be on the wall of a disabled toilet does not make it that much more approprite a space. Also it is the lazy use of space by architects that are the issue of where the changing facilities are rather than space.

Eggrules · 08/05/2012 09:38

Reading the rest of the thread, I am really surprised that this would be a such problem.

My ds is 5 and under no circumstances would I allow his into the gents on his own. If he needs the toilet when we are out, I take him and will do so for the foreseeable future.

seeker · 08/05/2012 09:43

So it's now "rad fem" to suggest that a woman might feel uncomfortable at a man being in a woman only space? Yet another example of women having to change their behaviour or suppress their feelings to accommodate men!

halcyondays · 08/05/2012 09:44

It's hardly the fault of parents if the changing facilities have been combined with the disabled/accessible toilet.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 08/05/2012 09:47

' the disabled person who needs the loo who arrived after you went in is the one that just has to hope they can wait. Nice.'

Ridiculous ! Firstly my sons are nearly 12 and 9 so toilet issues not really a problem now but in the time that I have had to use the diabled toilet when they were youner I have never found a queue on my exit - and have never seen a queue outside the disabled toilet since !

Secondly - 'the disabled person who needs the loo who arrived after you went in is the one that just has to hope they can wait.' - what if a disable person was in there in the first place they would still have to wait !

I think that this at a parent using a disabled toilet for a young child is really out of proportion .

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 09:47

Never said it was, but in order to stop using the the disabled toilets the changing facilities need to be moved. It is just lazy to accept the current design trends.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 09:48

Agree seeker

Original poster

NickECave · 08/05/2012 09:49

To all the posters who have said they don't see a difference in hygiene between male and female public toilets you obviously don't use public toilets in London on a regular basis. In male toilets there is usually one or two cubicles and a number of urinals. Most men (according to my dh!) will use the urinal if at all possible and wait for a dump until they get home so the cubicle is mostly being used by people who are really desperate and it often gets into an unpleasent state. Of course dh carries wet wipes with him but it can be quite hard to get the 2 year-old to keep her hands to herself while he holds the 4 year-old above the toilet seat because she is too revolted by the smell to touch it herself. I have very rarely been into a ladies toilet where this was such an issue.

I do appreciate the feelings of people who see a ladies toilet as a female-only space and I understand the argument that all public toilets should be improved, but until they are, more and more children are looked after and taken out by fathers on their own and I find it rather sad that the first thing a woman might think on seeing a harrassed father with two small girls in the ladies toilet is "that guy's come in here to perv"!

OP posts:

3duracellbunnies · 08/05/2012 09:50

My dh took 7+5yr old to women's loos, train station attendent saw his predicament and insisted, and stood outside to 'guard'. Was a busy london station, the girls refused to go in mens and dh wasn't happy sending them in on their own.

I think it depends on context, a provinical shopping centre, family attraction, if was a father would probably send them in together and wait outside at 5+7; at 2+4 would either take to mens, or family/disabled one. In a mainline london train station, when who knows what might be in there and with a 7 year old, I might be more tempted.

I might be surprised but not offended if I saw a man in the ladies, after all most of them these days say that there may be a male cleaner. As mums though we do need to teach boys to aim so blokes loos aren't so gross in future!

pickles35 · 08/05/2012 09:51

Why is it entitled to use an empty facility no one else is waiting to use? Don't get it.

Whoopydofoxpoo · 08/05/2012 09:51

Here here Pickle !

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