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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:
CardyMow · 08/05/2012 00:17

My dad used to take me when I was tiny. But then, he was a single dad. And the mens loos in the 80's didn't have nappy changing facilities. The ONLY time he had a problem (and I remember it vividly as I wet myself!!) was when I was 3yo, and wearing dungarees that I couldn't undo by myself. We were in a department store, and there was a security guard by the toilets. He refused to let my dad take me into the mens toilets with him, AND he also refused to let my dad take me into the ladies loos. While my dad was trying to get him to see sense, I wet myself all over the security guard's feet. I call that Karma!

Nowadays, most department stores have separate baby changing, AND a disabled loo, and I can't see, really, why ALL mens toilets are unsanitary - if the toilet is dirty, then go to another shop where they are clean?! Department stores and supermarkets and cafe's usually have clean loos.

MarySA · 08/05/2012 00:25

I just asked DH what he did with DD. He took her to the mens loo. No way would he have gone into the ladies. He thought that would be really weird.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 08/05/2012 00:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 00:46

I think doing this would be like me taking dd into disabled loo because it is cleaner. Some women's toilets are disgusting. And the disabled loos do tend to be much cleaner. But I wouldn't think I have the right to use the disabled toilet for this reason. I would simply find a cleaner toilet, or clean the toilet seat, or complain to the management.

PinkFondantFancy · 08/05/2012 02:41

Blimey, I couldn't care less if a dad comes into the toilets with his children. In his shoes I'd imagine the women would be less fussed about DH seeing them washing their hands than then men would be about DD seeing them weeing. There's not always disabled loos and even if there are, noone in the OP is disabled so that's not exactly appropriate either.

I've never done, or in fact seen anything done, outside a cubicle in a ladies' toilet that I'd be remotely bothered about a man who is in there for a reason seeing.

hawkmoon269 · 08/05/2012 04:15

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. John Lewis and Westfield have fantastic "family" loos though - hopefully these will become more common.

Bubbaluv · 08/05/2012 04:36

Would think it quite odd, but wouldn't say offended. Would probably give him a Hmm look. Certainly never seen it done.
I'm pretty chilled about this kind of thing though, so would imagine that some of the cats-bum faced women out there would be totally shocked and might even fetch security.

GateGipsy · 08/05/2012 04:56

I wish more dads would go on school trips though. I've had to do an emergency dash into the mens room for a boy who has either decided not to come out, is taking an inordinately long time, or has had a poo and then discovered there's no loo roll, so is just sitting there sobbing or shouting, and refusing to come out the cubicle. The men at the urinals have thought this is hysterically funny as I go dashing past, hand over eyes trying to give myself enough space to see, but not see anything I don't want to.

Can I just say that even in the cleanest places that I've been to, the mens are still smelly and grotty. How do they do that?

bejeezus · 08/05/2012 06:51

hubba by 'cat bum faced women', I presume you mean women who have been raped, abused and sexually assaulted?

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 07:10

I agree bejeezus, although these are not the only women unhappy to have men in women's toilets. I wish we could discuss this issue without insulting those who don't agree with us. Those who are not happy with men in women's toilets have been insulted with all sorts of things on this thread including prudes, looking for something to be offended about, etc. Can't we just have a different view, even if you don't agree with it?

exoticfruits · 08/05/2012 07:20

While it wouldn't bother me I don't think that it is something that he could do, others would not be happy.
It would bother me if they were over 6 years-in the same way that boys over that age shouldn't be in the ladies. They are all old enough to go by themselves.
I think with the younger ones he needs to find somewhere like Costa Coffee where they are unisex or a place where there is a small gents without urinals.

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 07:26

All those who are arguing for women only spaces please answer the basic poinnt. What would father with female child do?

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 07:35

Lots of solutions. Take a young female child into the men's as many on this thread have said their DH does. Or take them to a unisex toilet as common in places like Costa Coffee. Or if old enough send them in by themself and if necessary ask a woman with kids to make sure she is okay. Or take them to a disabled toilet (although I know this solution is a controversial one). Thats 4 choices

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 07:40

You were doing well there brains untill you got to the disabled. No yyou do not take them in there, your women only space is my disabled only space. So again and given what other posters have said about comfort/security of dh and dd what is the solution.

5madthings · 08/05/2012 07:43

or take them into the mens in the same way i took my boys into the ladies when smal enough that they needed supervision, the elder three are 7, 9 and 12 and go on their own to the mens. ds4 is 4 and comes in with me, prob till he is 5 or 6, depending on where we are and the toilets etc.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 07:51

NTFS - I personally wouldn't take DCs into a disabled toilet I agree with you there. But some on the thread have said they would so it is a solution some would use even if we don't agree with it.

But discounting that, there are other options as I posted.

Sirzy · 08/05/2012 07:56

I still don't see why it has to be an option. Men to men's, women to ladies. Children under about 6 with whichever parent they are with. If the dad doesn't like the gents then he should find places which have good toilets and encourage use of them when passing.

Sirzy · 08/05/2012 07:56

Issue not option!

oopsi · 08/05/2012 08:10

Yes I would think he was a perv.
He should take them into the gents.What if you had boys, would you think it was ok for him to take 2 boys into the ladies? ot would it be ok for boys to cope with dirty toilets?.

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 08:16

Barians and Sirzy. I think what I am pointing too is that you do not seem able to convince roughly 50% of the posters on this thread that women only spaces are valid. Whilst not wishing to be disrespective like others have to those on either side of the discussion. I would ask the general question how change is to be made if no common view is reached. I ask and as you will be able to guess as untill some common view is reached disabled toilets will be used by parents not disabled people. Could this and I mean no offence, be a rad fem cause that reaces to the lives of every women irrespective of politics and social class?

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 08:17

Popular feminism even?

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 08/05/2012 08:27

NTFS - But in rl is this really an issue? I have never seen a man in the women's toilets and other posters here have said the same. So if in rl its not an issue, them it would be a bit of a waste of time to campaign on this and an over reaction

Bubbaluv · 08/05/2012 08:37

Beejezus, by cats-bum faced women I mean those women who walk around everywhere they go with pursed lips and raised eyebrows, passing judgment on everything they see and publicly reprimanding those they feel are in breach of their standards.
Not sure where you got the idea I was talking about women who have been raped!? Why would anyone call them that?

Bubbaluv · 08/05/2012 08:41

Oh and Eatsbrainsandleaves, if you were referring to me I think you'll find I also said I would not be comfortable with it. My comment about cats-bum faced women was light-hearted.

Notthefullshilling · 08/05/2012 08:49

Brains would thal also mean that there is no need for those such as yourself to be calling for a women only space to be declared in women's loos, are being overly protective if as you say men going in to females toilets is happening on such a small scale. I suspect even the most ardent advocate of women only loos would make an exception in cases of emergency.