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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:

Fourlotsoftrouble · 07/05/2012 21:29

We all agree there is a risk however small!!! it's just one I'm not prepared to take.

5madthings · 07/05/2012 21:29

ledkr i hadnt even noticed! i still use that name on another parenting forum i go on! too lazy to change it

AnyoneforTurps · 07/05/2012 21:30

I would hate it and I think it's unnecessary. It's not just about other people seeing your bits, it's about having a private women-only space. Surely most places where men will be taking DDs to the loo are family-friendly venues e.g. shopping centres, restaurants where all loos will be kept to a reasonable standard? If the gents in those places are too filthy for a child to use, men should be complaining to the management, not marching into the Ladies.

MissCoffeeNWine · 07/05/2012 21:40

There's a risk someone could snatch the baby from your arms. There's a risk someone could sneak into the disabled loo while you pee and take your baby while you struggle to pull up your pants. They could come and steal the baby whilst you sleep in the next room. Take them from your car as you walk round to the other side to get in the drivers seat. Take them from the trolley as you scan labels. I hope you don't do any of these terribly risky things.

Seriously. If it bothers you take the baby in the cubicle with you and leave your equipment outside. But don't inconvenience others who do not have the option of leaving the equipment outside a cubicle - they have one toilet you have however many, it's just not a decent thing to do!

5madthings · 07/05/2012 21:42

exactly misscoffeenwine that is why i dont used disabled toilets, i have the OPTION to use others, those that need them dont have that option.

hurricanewyn · 07/05/2012 21:44

I personally wouldn't be bothered by it, but when DS was a baby me and DH were going away for the weekend once. At the train station, DH took DS off to change his nappy and discovered that the only changing facilities were in the ladies' .
He brought the baby in there, thinking the women coming in would understand, but the only woman who came in shouted and swore at him (even though he explained why he was there) and went to report him to the people in the ticket office.

Mrbojangles1 · 07/05/2012 21:46

AnyoneforTurps the problem is most men won't want a little girl in their loos and they don't have cubicles and only balance they will all be will in hand unlike the ladies were unless you have somthing wrong with you you will have the door closed

AnyoneforTurps · 07/05/2012 21:51

re disabled loos: I agree that, if there is a full compliment of loos for the able-bodied and only 1 disabled one, then it's unacceptable to use it. But lots of newer buildings now have many accessible loos which are intended for general use which confuses the issue.

AnyoneforTurps · 07/05/2012 21:52

mrbojangles1 - men's loos do have cubicles. How do you think they poo?

Fourlotsoftrouble · 07/05/2012 21:52

How silly coffee it's not the same thing at all. I think ill keep on doing what im doing & maybe you & 5mad can polish your halos whilst in queue with baby in sling,

MissCoffeeNWine · 07/05/2012 21:53

Well in that case I've now decided I don't want any little boys under 8 to use the ladies loos. They will almost certainly see something they shouldn't. At very least they would be sharing a cubicle with an adult woman. And toilets are germy and disgusting, women hover and there is wee and womens secretions everywhere.

So, I suggest, all the women should take their little boys into the mens toilets. And if the men don't like the women being in there, tough. Think of the little boys watching tampon changes.

All the teenage boys in there will also need to put up with unrelated adult women supervising.

bejeezus · 07/05/2012 21:54

So, because men don't want little girls in their loos, women have to have men in theirs?

MrsTittleMouse · 07/05/2012 21:54

It would bother me. When I was younger, I had a couple of occasions when I was followed by a man, and I was able to use the ladies loos as a bit of a safe haven, secure in the knowledge that a man wouldn't be able to follow me in because the fantastic older women brigade wouldn't allow it.

I know that a man with a small child wouldn't be like those predatory men, but it would be the erosion of the 100% female space that would really bother me. If a man goes in with a small child, it normalises a man in the Ladies. It there is a legitimate reason why a man might be in there, then it stop women questioning why any man is in there and will take away that safe haven. I want it to be there for my DDs when they are teenagers, in case they get followed by creepy men. :(

frumpet · 07/05/2012 21:56

Wouldnt care , i mean whats the worst that could happen? he might see someone leave without washing their hands or hear a lady wee , OMG

Mrbojangles1 · 07/05/2012 21:57

bejeezus do you not think the sight of 3 or 4 men all with their willys in their hand might frighten a little girl

AnyoneforTurps · 07/05/2012 21:57

MrsTittleMouse - exactly - very well put.

Sirzy · 07/05/2012 22:01

Mrbojangles - I seem to have survived being taken into the gents by my dad pretty much unscathed!

MissCoffeeNWine · 07/05/2012 22:01

A small girl who has been taken in the toilet with her Dad since birth and knows how and where men wee would be in no way upset or traumatised by seeing four mens backs as they line up at the urinal whilst she is taken to the cubicle by her father.

I have been that small girl, I was in no way frightened. I have a small girl here, I have asked her, she thinks I am silly. She also finds willies hilarious. I also have a DH who describes a general toileting situation to me as completely unremarkable whoever happens to be using the facilities. He also takes her swimming and they go into the male shower and changing areas.

ImaginateMum · 07/05/2012 22:04

Except that my 12-year-old brother got followed by a creepy man into the men's toilets. And no-one would suggest it was OK for him to go to the ladies. And I was flashed by a man at the post office, and we won't make them gender specific.

I do feel we need to look at the relative risks.

Father needs somewhere to take his daughter to toilet? High

Nasty man in toilet (who we would surely notice has neither young daughter nor cleaning materials)? Low

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/05/2012 22:07

So, I don't care if Dad takes girls into the Ladies
I also don't care if they go's into the mens.
Or any other configuration.
It really doesn't matter in the scheme of things.

Fourlotsoftrouble · 07/05/2012 22:08

Why is it we would find it really odd to go into toilets of opposite sex as adults but it be fine for children to do this? My dh has never taken our dds into men's toilets or changing rooms, I would be furious if he had, he has always found an alternative.

Sirzy · 07/05/2012 22:09

But fathers do have somewhere to take their daughters (or sons) to the toilets - the gents toilets!

lucyellensmumnamechange · 07/05/2012 22:09

I can't believe this has gone on so long. I would have no problem with a man taking his DD (or DS for that matter - mens toilets are vile) into the ladies toilets. There are cubicles, no one is going to see your bits. Christ on a bike.

I absolutely would go mental if my DP took DD (6) into a mens toilets. Saying that, she would probably manage to go by herself and DP would just wait by the door

MrsTittleMouse · 07/05/2012 22:09

I didn't need the loo. I only went in because I felt there was a good chance that the man wouldn't follow me. And then I found an older woman of the Professor McGonagall type and left with her as protection. :)

twofingerstoGideon · 07/05/2012 22:10

Hasn't anyone else noticed OP hasn't returned to thread after lighting the touch paper?

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