Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

[NickECave]

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

I have never seen a baby outside a cubicle. I would be pretty pretty taken aback if I did see one.

It's a toilet! You don't all go in the same room, it has cubicles!

I'm the biggest prude in the world (I never use a communal gym changing room, I would rather die than get changed in front of strangers) but really couldn't care less if a bloke was in the ladies loos with his kid.

In referance to babies disappearing from Ladies toilets.

I have not all 21 pages of this thread only some of them.

My DDs are older now but when they were small (such as 2 and 4yo) and public toilets were too dirty imo for my children to use I would hold them out in the gutter (usually over a drain or very close by to one) in the car park - behind our car. I used to do this quite often actually as we would always seemingly get back to our car in the park car park when they would start dancing and crossing their legs needing the loo. The park public toilets were the vile side of disgusting, so this to me was the better option. 2yo would use the potty but I would hold the 4yo out.

I appreciate there is not always anywere convenient to do this though.

Personally I dont think a bloke should go into a ladies loo. If he is in a town there must be several options of toilets (even if he has to use a cafe loo) and should choose the best available. All supermarkets have disabled toilets and most have baby changing facilities either in the disabled loo or in another unisex toilet close by.

I think there are better options is my reply to this one.

I wouldn't be offended at all. IN fact my df had a dd later in life and when he was out and about with her he would take her a to a ladies toilet as he didn't want her seeing men peeing in urinals. You don't see ladies peeing in toilets as they shut the doors.

He was given such a hard time and such odd looks particularly as looked like her gf rather than her df, he'd call me at work and arrange to meet me for the sole purpose that I coud take his dd to the ladies toilets without any hassles.

in interests of a good debate i just got ds1 to time me going to the toilet, i went in and had a wee and was back out again in under 40 seconds, so if someone did snatch my baby then they wouldnt get very far, esp as all the toilets at our shopping centre have those two door systems, you know one door that opens inwards into a little corridor and then another that you have to pull open towards you, always a pita to negotiate with a pushchair! and if htey took my baby out of the pushchair they would have to undo the straps etc which woudl take a good 10-15 seconds at least, so if the took the baby AS i locked my toilet door, then unstrapped baby they woudl then have at the most 30 seconds to escape, pretty sure i would run dam fast and find them before they got very far.

and all my babies have been big as well ie 10lb 13oz at birth and over 99% thankfully i have good back muscles and a good sling so could still carry them even when huge, i appreciate thats not an option for everyone.

and i still maintain that unless a disabled toilet has a baby change facility IN it, it is NOT ok to use a disabled toilet, despite there being no que for it, they are for those with medical need and i would hate to use one and make someone who really needed it to wait.

Why did he not want her seeing men weeing in urinals? What did he think would happen if she saw?

OP I don't have a problem with this at all, saw a Dad in the ladies public loos a couple of days ago looking harassed getting his little girl out the door as quickly as possible! Felt sorry for him, just incase he ran into half of the angry posters on here I now know!

There was a thread on here the other day about a lady changing a babies nappy on the crowded rush hour tube much to many judgypants peoples disgust. Smacks of this a bit, he's just doing the best for his child fgs.

I honestly don't think a harassed Dad who's been wiping his daughters bum is getting off on hearing you wee or shove a tampon up your whoo hooo in the next cubicle.

I agree re disabled toilets, I would only use one of them if it was the only baby change option not just for a quick get to the toilet. There again i have been known to walk around desperate for the toilet until I got home when DS was tiny as I couldn't figure a way to go to the toilet with him in the pram

Agreed - the chances of a baby being snatched from outside a toilet cubicle are close to zero.

Still wouldn't do it though personally.

There is an inference on this thread (correct me if I'm wrong) that because some people here wouldn't mind ( a man in the ladies) then its ok and is totally fine even though for many many women it would be unacceptable and even quite limiting.

Fortunately it wont become the norm as most men wouldn't dream of going in the ladies toilets just because their daughter (but not son, the men's appears to be ok for boy children??) is with them.

Sirzy - why on earth would he want her to see men weeing in urinals?

So, he's politely try the ladies lavs - noone ever had ishoos with that. But better still, if in town he'd call me and get me to take the little one to the loo.

I don't see what he did wrong really.

Why wouldn't he? What is wrong with seeing men weeing? You hardly see a lot unless she was going to be allowed to stop and stare?

Men should be in Mens toilets, Women in Womens. Young children in the toilet whichever adult they are with is using. Surely that is simple common sense?

5mafthings you are obviously more laid back than I, as if there was even a 1% chance of someone trying to take my baby & having them for 30 secs before I hopefully caught up with them I will continue to use disabled toilet. Just to reiterate what op said I have never seen a unsupervised pram outside a cubicle or dozens of mums going in cubicles with babies in slings?? Just to add i have never come out of disabled loo to find anybody other than another mum waiting with pram to go in.

5madthings sorry!

I wouldn't like it, no

OP question, don't know really, probably wouldn't notice. Don't really assess the gender of everyone in the loo.

Regarding the 'kids shouldn't use disabled toilets' thing. What should I do if DD2 needs the loo and I use the disabled, because she is disabled. I also have DD1 and DS with me, DD1 then needs the loo? Should I take her, disabled DD1 and DS to the ladies or let her use the same one as her sister reinforcing the idea that they are the same.

At the end of the day you can't assess anyone else's disability, need or what the hell they are doing in there. So isn't it better to give the benefit of the doubt and be pleasant than assume noone needs a disabled loo more than you.

Sorry but I'm sick and tired of strangers looking down their noses and assuming we are using a disabled facility without need. I'm fed up with DD1 asking why that woman in a wheelchair is muttering and staring at us or why people want to know what's wrong with her sister.

I couldn't care less if someone uses the loo without special dispensation from all the disabled people within a 5 mile radius .

If someone uses the disabled loo its because they think they will benefit from the extra facility, is that not good enough?

( I know I'm ranting but I've had a hard day with DD2 and I'm fed up with the my needs are more important than yours attitude)

I've been asked to keep an eye on a baby in the Ladies and have happily done so.
DD was never exposed to seeing anything inappropriate in the Gents and has declined the offer of counselling.

People really aren't going to snatch your baby. 1% chance is ridiculous. 0.000000000000001% perhaps.

If it bothers you take them in with you. You are able to do this. Just not the pram. Someone using a wheelchair does not have the same choices. They need to take their chair in with them - it is daft to prioritise a pram over a person.

But many people are not as open minded as you sirzy - my df didn't want his female kid being in a men's toilet - surely that's also his decision and what's the issue?

If a kid can see a bloke using a urinal for a few seconds then surely a man can take his female kid to a female toilet where he cannot see any woman peeing for a minute or two?

I doubt my dh would be happy taking any young daughter of his to a male toilet.

I dont think id leave mine outside tbh,not cos im paranoid,I just wouldnt.All the loos i go in though are too narrow to do that and id end up blocking the queue.

My dd also cries if I go to the loo at home and close the door so id prob end up looking like a right neglectfull mama as she screamed outside my door.

4mad Your weeing experiment could also be used to illustrate that it probably wouldnt hold anyone up if you did nip into the disabled loos iyswim.

avacado as one of your children has a need for the disabled toilet then it makes sense for you all to use it at the sametime imo, i just wouldnt want to be using the disabled toilet myself when i have no need, incase someone with a real need to use it wanted it. so therefore i use a regular toilet and would only use a disabled one IF i was in there using the baby change facilities.

and with regards to being laid back, no i dont think i am particularly laid back but i do think i have a more realistic risk assesment, as i dont think the risk would even be 1% its more like misscoffeenwine says :)

I don't understand giveitago as you say, "what's the issue"?
Unless for some bizarre reason, the men you refer to only frequent disreputable public conveniences.

probably ledkr but i still wouldnt do it, unless i was already in there to change a nappy, just because i have no need to use the disabled toilets, in the same way if i am waiting for a lift (with pushchair) and someone in a wheelchair comes along i will let them go before me as there need to use the lift is more than mine and it is polite, or to me it is at least :)

It's not about being a prude meglet

It's about feeling scared, unsafe and panicked

sorry 5mad Im using your old name