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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

999 replies

NickECave · 07/05/2012 11:20

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

OP posts:

Mrbojangles1 · 07/05/2012 16:25

I don't think the ladies would be most mens first choice

TheUnMember · 07/05/2012 16:25

I agree with the statement about disabled toilets being about accesibility, not about a reduced queue.

Then clearly you are very ignorant about disability and what accessibility means. I am not in a wheelchair, I use a walking aid. I do not need to use a disabled toilet just because it is bigger or adapted. I also need to use a disabled toilet because I am not able to stand in a queue like other people. In order for a toilet to be accessible to me it has to not have queue. And in my experience, I have never had to wait because a toilet is being used by another disabled person. Or a father with his daughter. Everytime it's been because of mums with pushchairs and kids.

At the shopping centre near me there is a corridor full of unisex toilets and 1 disabled toilet. The disabled toilet is closest. Mothers with kids use it all time. Everytime I have been there, it's been in use, despite most of the others being free, because it's easier. So I always have to stand and wait as people who arrive after me get to go before me because they have choices not open to me.

TalHotBlond · 07/05/2012 16:25

If a child opens a cubicle door while you are peeing, it's a bit embarrassing whether a woman or a man sees you though, surely?

A father of a young girl is hardly going to get a glimpse of a harassed peeing mum and think "phwoar" any more than another woman would. What exactly is the problem?

I think I'd rather a dad catch sight of me peeing by accident than I would his young daughter walk past a line of peeing men, willies in hand tbh.

ImaginateMum · 07/05/2012 16:32

Wow bobbledunk, I took my DS to the men's once. We were at the ballet so the queue to the ladies was a million miles long with equally bursting little girls and mums. I just yelled from the door (nicely) "little boy coming in with his mum, is that OK?" None of the men batted an eye lid, one just politely offered to help him wash his hands so I didn't have to go past the urinals. Now I know the correct response was that they all turned on me and beat me up. Wow.

RabidAnchovy · 07/05/2012 16:36

As sometimes when I have to pee I mean right there and then I have been known to send a DS in to the gents to see if any men in there and if not nip in. I have also taken DSs in to the gents when they were small and have never ever been met with any hostility

SauvignonBlanche · 07/05/2012 16:38

That's terrible TheUnMember

Mopswerver · 07/05/2012 16:39

No I most certainly wouldn't be offended. I can't understand why anyone would be. In France many public loos offer a unisex option so perhaps that's the answer. This is an issue though as many Dads are left in that same boat these days, my own included a few yrs back and I certainly wouldn't have wanted my girls ushered through a mens Public toilet, past the urinals etc. It used to be the same at public swimming baths though thankfully they appear to have cottoned on to it....and are a good example actually as men are now allowed in the changing rooms with their children and everyone has dealt with that fine.

carabos · 07/05/2012 16:40

I worked in Sweden on a project last year. The building where I was based (part of a university) had unisex toilets. That did take some getting used to and I'm clearly not as much as I thought broad minded, but it did seem quicker somehow. There were lots and lots of cubicles and basins and some urinals which were kind of round a corner so you had to seek them out (apparently ).

I think that would be the way forward here.
On the point of disabled loos, it never occurred to me that anyone thought these were for disabled people only . I always assumed that they were toilets that are equipped for people in wheelchairs to use - which isn't the same thing. This assumption was partly reinforced by the fact that very often they have baby changing facilities in them as well - does this mean that these toilets are equipped for the exclusive use of wheelchair users with nappy wearing children? If that's the case they're not going to get a huge amount of traffic .

MrsHeffley · 07/05/2012 16:41

Wouldn't bother me as I'd be in a cubicle and said father would be fully engaged with trying to keep said small girls from putting their hands on the toilet seat,instructing bum wiping etc to even know I was there.

I also took my boys in until very recently(8 still would if very dodgy).Using a disabled toilet when there are perfectly good toilets in the ladies is ridiculous.

Really don't get the gender toilet obsession if there are cubicles.

GracieW · 07/05/2012 16:42

If my DS (2, aged 8 and 10) go into public toilets and aren't out reasonably quickly, I push open the door and call for them - and would go in if I didn't get any response.

So no, I wouldn't be offended.

GinPalace · 07/05/2012 16:43

I understand what UnMember is saying, however, most of the disabled toilets I can think of are also the baby changing units. My ds is still in nappies so I often find myself in the baby changing/disabled toilet.

If you arrive at disable loo and it is occupied despite ladies loo being free (which is inconsiderate of those ladies I agree) - why do you need to wait while others go first - why not use the available ladies loo, as you said it is prompt access not special adaptations you require?

timetopost · 07/05/2012 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mopswerver · 07/05/2012 16:46

timetopost that is the question being asked!

GinPalace · 07/05/2012 16:47

I suppose the problem is that a mum with buggy and maybe two or more children with her is also going to find the roomier disabled toilet more accessible - so human nature is to use that option. The solution would be for there to be parent toilets as well as disabled - as you get in some nice facilities.

Those disabled toilets where you have to find the staff who have the key for it must also be a big issue for those using them for urgency reasons. :(

Unbeliever · 07/05/2012 16:47

Blimey - I am over 70 and it wouldn't bother me a bit - have you never been in a unisex toilet in France and had a man bid you 'Bon Soir' as he was using the urinal?
And what noise do you make when changing a sanitary towel.
Why should a child be traumatised by the sight of a man's penis?
Don't expect all elderly people to think/behave like delicate virgins - some of us are a lot more open-minded than some of the posters here.
Surely the kind thing to do if the father is embarrassed is to offer to take his grand-daughter in for him? I once 'exchanged' my grandson for a man's daughter so nobody was embarrassed

TheUnMember · 07/05/2012 16:50

Because last time I tried that my walking frame got wedged in the doorway and I had to get a passerby to rescue me. :o

TheUnMember · 07/05/2012 16:52

Those disabled toilets where you have to find the staff who have the key for it must also be a big issue for those using them for urgency reasons.

Also for those who can't walk very far. When every step counts wasting them hunting down the lesser-spotted-toilet-key-holder is a nightmare.

timetopost · 07/05/2012 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheUnMember · 07/05/2012 16:55

I also got wedged between a palette of tealights and a display unit in the local department store once which was fun. The place was deserted and I was there for about 10 minutes before a member of staff noticed and came to help. I embarassed myself by crying that time. But that's a whole other thread.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/05/2012 16:57

Many cafes in France do indeed have unisex toilets, but they often incorporate a urinal.It is perfectly common and acceptable to come in or out of the cubicle whilst a man is using the urinal.
Obviously a lot of posters have not experienced this or they would understand that a man at a urinal is not going to be "waving his willy" about at their DDs.

everlong · 07/05/2012 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaMeuf · 07/05/2012 17:02

Oh my god, a man might overhear me pee! How awful - this can never be allowed to happen, what in the name of the wee man is the world coming to?

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest OP. I would much rather that little kids be taken into a (relatively) fragrant ladies' loo than be subjected to the mens' which can, from what my DH says, be absolutely fucking rank.

pigletmania · 07/05/2012 17:02

Really they should go into the disabled toilets, as some women would be very uncomfortable about it

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 07/05/2012 17:04

I really don't thing French toilets should be used as a comparison! In my experience they fall way short of standards I have experienced in the UK.

GinPalace · 07/05/2012 17:06

Unmember I have vision of the Q for disabled loo snaking round the block while you are unwedged - all the mums tutting at the disabled person blocking the able bodied toilets! Arf! The irony.

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