Would you be offended by a father accompanying his small daughters into the ladies toilet?

[NickECave]

I have two dds aged 4 and 2. My dh often takes them out and about in town on his own and inevitably needs to take them into public toilets. The thing is that male public toilets are often extremely dirty and unsanitary and I'd much rather he took them into the ladies. My question is would you be offended by a man coming into the ladies toilet when he is obviously accompanying a small girl? I don't personally know anyone who would have a problem with this but would be interesting to see if lots of people disagree with me.

I'm sure you wouldn't Boo but you'd have to do just that if there was already a disabled person in there.

If you're sitting in poo or wee, 2 minutes isn't going to make a lot of difference is it?

As I say, I still haven't seen one sensible argument against taking a bursting child to a completely empty toilet for a couple of minutes.

No OP I wouldn't mind at all, I've been out with DP plenty of times where we've both went to the public toilets and he's told me how dirty they were despite the female toilets I use being fine.

My DS has an invisible disability (although not that invisible that he avoids people giving me disaproving looks at his behaviour or children picking on him ) which means it is difficult to take him to public toilets, I wouldn't mind having to wait while a nt child used the toilet sometimes as I understand that sometimes little emergencies come up.

i agree boo...mosman like the way you said "special" toilet..quite a deragotory comment

maybe you havent seen an argument worra because you havent been in that situation...if you did you would have more empathy

Clearly a lot of women wouldn't find this acceptable. Try the unisex, disabled loos (and maybe put up with the flack). In a clean mens' loo (yeah, rarer than a hen's teeth but it must happen) there would be a lot of pursed lips. My H used to take DD1 into the mens' loo. She was fascinated!!

I would not be happy to see a man in the ladies toilets and find it completely uneccesary. Im sure older ladies and young teens would also feel very uncomfortable knowing a man could be in there hearing everything and also slightly intimidated to come out of a cubicle to see a man standing there. I also find it strange that womens toilets are apparently cleaner infact dh always expresses his disgust when i come out the toilet and moan that there was urine, blood even feces on the toilet seat and yet he never mentions the mens being equally gross so the blokes loos cant be that bad really.

I've got lots of empathy doormat

I also have empathy for children who are bursting to wee and there's a perfectly good and empty toilet available to use for a couple of minutes.

Doormat, I am talking about people who suffer from invisible disabilites (such as my dm) not having to justify/prove to other users of disability access toilets that she is entitled to use them, which is what I understand you suggested that they should do from your post.

Probably am going to get flamed for this but surely people with a disability are entitled to have access to a toilet, but they are not entitled to think that they are exempt from having to wait in a queue. I guess it boils down to who is entitled to use disability access toilets and etiquette which is not something which is universally agreed on. Personally I accept that mothers with small children babies use disabled access toilets as these cater for their needs, and certainly where I live, are usually doubled with the disabled toilet anyway.

Nope, wouldn't mind in the slightest, it's not like i'm peeing with the cubicle door open. And if i need to, i "hoik up my tights and readjust my bra" in the cubicle anyway.

"I'm sure you wouldn't Boo but you'd have to do just that if there was already a disabled person in there.

If you're sitting in poo or wee, 2 minutes isn't going to make a lot of difference is it?"

firstly, if it was a disabled person causing me to wait then it is totally unavoidable.

secondly, how insensitive can you be? never mind that the person arrived at the toilet in time to make it without having an accident jsut to hear you singing baa baa black sheep with your 3 year old through the door and then "come on wash your hand's that's a good girl, no wait, dont open the door, mummy hasn't finished yet". you think someone should just endure 2 minutes of people staring, children pointing, staff running up with "wet floor" signs and placing them beside your wheelchair, people scrunching up or holding their noses, people moving noticeably away from you, people who haven't realised tehre has been an accident walking past and going "what's that smell?" loud enough so everyone around you gets all shifty and giving each other sideways glances and then a child saying "that woman pooed in her pant's daddy" because you didn't fancy queuing liek everyone else? really? you think that's acceptable

I dont think it is acceptable for a man to be in the ladies toilets. If a man is with a small child and doesnt feel happy using the mens toilets then I think the disabled toilet is the next best option.

and re: disabled toilets. If they have a baby changing station in there then surely...... you should be able to change a baby in there?!

so do i worral..i have empathy for children bursting....i am not arguing about that ..i am arguing the case that ppl like mosman clearly use disabled toilets for themselves because." oh wait a minute, there is a queue, surely i can pop in there for a couple of minutes" or they need to go in there so they can have the pram with them" etc....that is taking a liberty worra......

Absolutely fine.

I would have problems what so ever.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, segregation according to gender seems weird anyway

I agree with the statement about disabled toilets being about accesibility, not about a reduced queue. In any event I have never seen a queue at a disabled toilet, and they often do house the baby change facilities, so while I wouldnt avoid using one unless needed, if I was with a child that was about to wet themselves and the disabled toilet was not in use then I would take them in there rather than have them wee on the floor.

Pam - Except I and most women are brought up in a way that segregates according to gender. Ladies toilets, changing rooms, communla showers, etc. Whether you agree with it or not, it does mean that we are socialised into sing women only spaces for certain things, so some women will feel uncomfortable/unhappy if they are suddenly asked to ignore a "rule" they have been brought up with all their life

p.s. I know some secondary schools, etc now have unisex toilets. But that is a very recent development

IamBoo, that could be my dm you are describing, if she has ds with her she would and does take him into the toilet with her. The point being really that you cant tell who is disabled or not from listening to them as you wait for the toilet.

titty your mother shouldnt have to justify why....never suggested she should...as i said it is ppls choice whrther they feel the need to or not to carry a card....when i had a bowel resection i couldnt travel far without needing the toilet, i got a card from the nacc, which helped me when i was inside shops where there is no toilet facilities except staff....this card helped me gain access to toilets without having to explain my condition to staff, i was just led straight away...it saved me from many potential embarrassments....

i havent used the card since a few months after the resection as i dont need to, but i found it was a great help to me at that particular time

Boo you're post at 13:59:22 is hilarious...I don't know if you meant it to be so funny but it was

It still does nothing for your argument though, but you do have a great imagination if you can get all that from a 2 minute piss

I honestly don't see the problem in using the disabled loo if there's no one else waiting. (I don't now my boys are big and go into the men's)

Yes a disabled person could of came along while I was there and have to wait a few minutes but it could just as easy be another disabled user or a baby who needed to be changed in there so they'd still have waited. I've never had any negative comments about doing this.
When youngest was a baby and I needed to use the disabled/baby change to change his nappy, I'd drag the other 2 in to pee while I was busy doing it to make sure I didn't need to return. I still got out as quick as possible (even though I had a valid right to be in there changing the baby) just in case someone was waiting.

doormat, I thought you were referring to situations when a seemingly abled bodied person is leaving a disabled toilet whilst there was someone visibily disabled was waiting. (This has never happened to my dm but i have read on mn plenty of times people giving death stares/accusations etc to people who don't look disabled but using disabled toilets/perking etc)

no titty you have me wrong lol...just because you look able bodied doesnt mean you have an invisible disability...able bodied to me is a person who can wait, doesnt need access to disabled facilities...believe me i understand what your mother is going through and it is not nice.....boo describes the scenario perfectly

Some women do pee with the door open occasionally, namely women with a buggy outside who has chosen not to use the disabled toilet due to her lack of disability or a woman whose toddler opens the door whilst she is mid flow. You would be more cautious in a unisex toilet but you might not be aware that for some people, having a child with them makes them an honorary member of the opposite sex.

i have read on mn plenty of times people giving death stares/accusations etc to people who don't look disabled but using disabled toilets/perking etc)

I have too but you know what i dont think they really are as brave as they say they are lol