Could you live with your MIL for 6 months for the greater good ?

[Mosman]

The jist is she's a funny old goat, set in her ways etc.

She's actually very self sufficient, not really suited to marriage or children and so is happy in her own company and will just do her own thing.
This may or may not be an advantage in the situation.

The scenario is this. We are planning to move to Sydney, I have a great job opportunity, we have friends out there and hubby and I are very keen as are the children.
MIL has gone from having a tantrum about not going to having a tantrum about us leaving her behind.
So I've said she can come because I am thinking a) it'll be a god awful flight for her, she's never been on a plane for more than 5 hours and certainly not with lots of children. She'll not enjoy that experience at all. b) if she comes out and hates it, there's every chance she'll never come out again. We will skype and visit her of course but I'm thinking 6 months of pain to never have to repeat the experience again.
She has been hankering after living with us for 5 years but the truth is it wouldn't work, nobody can afford the size of house required to make it happen and chances are her health will deteriorate and neither DH or I are qualified to look after her in disposition or inclination tbh.

Does this sound like a plan ?

I couldn't. I just could not.

We'd all be out at work or school and generally out a lot.

She doesn't sound like the type of woman I'd want to live with tbh.

No, what if she loves it? :(

option c) she comes out and never goes back home again....

seriously though, it is the otherside of the world and it must be upsetting for someone to think that they will not see their child or grandchildren again.. or at least not very often..

But you'd dread going home.

I think it's rather a harsh plan personally.

Well if she does love it, she can sell her flat back home and find somewhere to live as an illegal immigrant lol Good luck with that one love I shall say.

What if she puts up with and just makes your lives a nightmare in the meantime or ends up too infirm to move out and take care of herself?

Wouldn't she have to be financially self sufficient in order to go out there anyway?

I think you should be more honest with her - and yourself!!! You may well live to regret this band-aid approach if she decides she lives Australia and living with you all

Could you look into bringing her out there with you permanently, and finding a small apartment/granny flat for her to live in? You said finances wouldn't allow buying a large enough place for you to all live in together [and god knows, i wouldn't want to live under the same roof as my MIL] but if she had a property to sell here, could that change things?

This is the crux of the matter, she actually can't stay longer than 6 months at a time due to the Visa limitations, so she'll have to go home at some point or hide from the government like a member of the A Team.

Should you nt go out and make sure it's where you really want to live before up rooting her to a new country, it's a big thing at her age

And if she loves it, and cannot face a flight again?

What nationality are you? Would she be able to have a resident visa? How will you arrange health cover?

You do actually sound a bit callous. I assume she must be a nasty person who is horrible to you and your children. :(

I wonder how you would feel if it were your grown up son with a wife who was so keen not to care for you as your health deteriorates (which it will some day).

Coffemum we've looked at the before, her savings, property everything add up to about £50,000. She of course thinks this is a kings ransom and should be able to be exchanged for a lifetimes bed and board. It doesn't touch the sides.

Cross-posted, not sure if she'd be allowed to come out permanently...is it enough to want to come out with your family?

I agree with Squeaky.

squeaky I wouldn't dream of allowing any of my children to care for me when I am old.

Well if she doesn't go with you I hope she leaves all her money to the cats home when she dies.

She's very welcome to leave her money to whoever she likes, it's not actually about that is it ?

at 'like a member of the A-Team'

So she lives in a property worth less than £50k? In the UK - seriously?

Have you completely ruled out pooling your cash and getting a place with an annexe? Would an extra £50k make enough of a difference? I'm guessing not...

Wow, it's a tricky one...

I used to live with my mil she was nice enough back then but now given that in 7 years shes grown to be a poisonus vindictive manipulative bitter human being i wouldnt stay with her now.
So all in all it depends what she is like, if she is nice i dont see why not

Well you can save your inheritance from the MIL and put it into a fund for your own care home then I suppose.

I am glad my own family are a lot more caring towards each other than yours is all I can say.

My MIL is not in the greatest of health. I should tell her how bloody lucky she is to have a son, DIL, and grandchildren who care about her, visit her, and wouldnt hesitate to have her live with them if it got to the point where she couldnt look after herself.

I suppose it all depends on how you were raised, but in our families we look after our elders, we dont abandon them.

She's in a property worth near £30k in the UK, this is due to be divorced so many times.

Needless to say she doesn't want to give us every penny she has towards a combined property but as you say it doesn't make enough of a difference anyway.