Could you live with your MIL for 6 months for the greater good ?

[Mosman]

The jist is she's a funny old goat, set in her ways etc.

She's actually very self sufficient, not really suited to marriage or children and so is happy in her own company and will just do her own thing.
This may or may not be an advantage in the situation.

The scenario is this. We are planning to move to Sydney, I have a great job opportunity, we have friends out there and hubby and I are very keen as are the children.
MIL has gone from having a tantrum about not going to having a tantrum about us leaving her behind.
So I've said she can come because I am thinking a) it'll be a god awful flight for her, she's never been on a plane for more than 5 hours and certainly not with lots of children. She'll not enjoy that experience at all. b) if she comes out and hates it, there's every chance she'll never come out again. We will skype and visit her of course but I'm thinking 6 months of pain to never have to repeat the experience again.
She has been hankering after living with us for 5 years but the truth is it wouldn't work, nobody can afford the size of house required to make it happen and chances are her health will deteriorate and neither DH or I are qualified to look after her in disposition or inclination tbh.

Does this sound like a plan ?

Have not read the whole thread, but no way could I have any old relative lilve with me EVER. For even 6 weeks, let alone six months. They know this, I have been upfront about this.

Am I missing something?Why does she have to stay for 6 months?
I would have thought it would be fairly obvious to all concerned whether it would work after 3 months.
My DH and I and kids lived with inlaws for 3 months, and lovely people though they are, 3 months was a long time.

DH was let down by both his parents, his father doesn't see him or the DCs from one year to the next and his mother wasn't in the slightest bit interested until she divorced her latest husband and the penny dropped DH was all she had left, no friends or anything.
He does feel obliged I guess anyone would.
I just can't see this ending well at all tbh

Ah, x-posted. You need to talk with your dh about what he wants.

If she won't get on a plane by herself she's never coming to visit, is she?

Maybe dh would like a relationship with his mum that is conducted purely by Skype. Perhaps that would be enough to get him out of the parent-guilt-trap - he wouldn't feel he'd cut her off, but he would actually have very little to do with her.

It will never work....and do you even know if you will like it? I tried it...convinced I would love it...hated it. Came back. I also lived with my MIL out there who is Aussie..I lasted two weeks.

X-posted again. That sounds like a relationship tailor-made for a fortnightly skype call, actually ... Especially if your children are old enough to spend most of the call holding their drawings up to be seen

I thought she was going to be going with you but couldn't because of her pension. Or something. Or am I thinking of someone else?

Well for starters she has nowhere near the funds necessary to be allowed to stay permanently in Australia. However, is there any way that she can come out for a longer holiday after you've settled in Sydney? That way she can see you, get to go walkabout but you won't have the added stress of attempting to emigrate with an extra person. As TheHouse says, how do you know you are going to like it in Australia?

(And I say this as someone with dual UK?Australian nationality who knows I couldn't settle there permanently)

I will like it, I bloody have to

That's a good point about visiting, I think the plan in her mind would be that we'd come back to visit and then take her back with us for another 6 months.
6 months because that's as long as she can stay and believe me she would, whether it was working or not.
No I think DH will have to have a chat with her.
She once sat in our car with her hands over her ears due to the children's noise.

I suppose I was hoping there was a nice way of doing all this, but there isn't.

No that was us fallen, she's decided the pension doesn't matter now.

I would strongly suggest you look into short term lets near where you are living - I lived with my mother in law for six weeks and it almost broke up my marriage and caused no end of fights. They are on top of you when you have just come back from work and want to chill out. They want to watch shit TV and ask why they can't buy the Daily Mail (or similar).

DON'T DO IT. Insist that she have her space (and her privacy) by NOT living with you. Seriously. You will end up being blamed for stealing her son (and grandchildren away to the other side of the world, your DH will have had nothing to do with it and you'll get that look that says you are the cause of all that is wrong in the world. It may even make you murderous!

Besides, it's a ploy it'll be 'oh but I'll never see my grandchildren again if I go home, can't I just stay another few weeks'. But not if she's paying her own way, she'll run out of funds and you can shrug and say 'nothing we can do sorry'.

By all means spend time with her but I would do ANYTHING to avoid being pushed into living with my MiL again (and I don't actually hate mine, it's just we are of VERY different mindsets).

I probably could live my mother in law for 6 months for the greater good. There would be tensions but she is basically a lovely woman. However, I just can't see how your scenario is in any way for the greater good. For anyone involved. You said everything yourself here in your op:
the truth is it wouldn't work, nobody can afford the size of house required to make it happen and chances are her health will deteriorate and neither DH or I are qualified to look after her in disposition or inclination tbh.
It's fine to feel that way and from your later posts it sounds like there are good reasons for your feelings. But it is not fine at all to pretend to your mil that, far from this being the case, you are delighted to have her come to live with you on the other side of the world, whilst secretly hoping that it will all go so very wrong for her that it will prevent her from setting foot in Oz ever again! You have to tell her some version of the truth and not let her tantrums sway you into doing something that would be very detrimental to you all. And if you can be kind, whilst not giving in to her. Even if she has been vile to your husband in the past, she may well be gutted that her son and grandchildren are moving half way across the world.

I couldn't for 6 days, let alone 6 months!

Perhaps your SH should say 'mum, remember when you didn't want to live with me anymore, remember When I was 5??' well hopefully that will make you understand that now aged xx I don't think I want to live with you '

DH not sh

God no!! I loathe mine and live too close as it is!

Brilliant Dropdeadfred!

Dropdeadfred does have a point!

No I absolutely couldn't.
Get your DH to have the conversation that Dropdeadfred has outlined.
It's the best way, because it's the truth.

If she goes with you, the anger that you feel about the way she abandoned your DH will seethe and bubble if things go badly. You may find yourself so wound up that you tell her exactly what you think and there she is, on the other side of the world with that to deal with.

I would say noooooooooo! Your situation sounds awful! But this has already been said, and I must admit I'm only posting to shamelessly enquire just how many husbands HAS she had?!

2 husbands with 2 children with each and a bloke that she left her 3 and 5 year old to go off with to Spain that didn't work out. When I say I literally mean left DH and sister were found in the dark sat in a playpen covered in sh*t when their father arrived home from work. DH remembers being shut in a cupboard for being naughty. I wouldn't mind putting her in a cupboard if I'm really honest but you could never risk leaving her with the DC even if she offered which she wouldn't.

A week's more than enough with mine.

The property is bricks and mortar one of those over 55's flats, costs her a fortune in maintance.