Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Could you live with your MIL for 6 months for the greater good ?

149 replies

Mosman · 06/05/2012 16:18

The jist is she's a funny old goat, set in her ways etc.

She's actually very self sufficient, not really suited to marriage or children and so is happy in her own company and will just do her own thing.
This may or may not be an advantage in the situation.

The scenario is this. We are planning to move to Sydney, I have a great job opportunity, we have friends out there and hubby and I are very keen as are the children.
MIL has gone from having a tantrum about not going to having a tantrum about us leaving her behind.
So I've said she can come because I am thinking a) it'll be a god awful flight for her, she's never been on a plane for more than 5 hours and certainly not with lots of children. She'll not enjoy that experience at all. b) if she comes out and hates it, there's every chance she'll never come out again. We will skype and visit her of course but I'm thinking 6 months of pain to never have to repeat the experience again.
She has been hankering after living with us for 5 years but the truth is it wouldn't work, nobody can afford the size of house required to make it happen and chances are her health will deteriorate and neither DH or I are qualified to look after her in disposition or inclination tbh.

Does this sound like a plan ?

OP posts:

GateGipsy · 08/05/2012 05:07

What other people have said. I wouldn't think twice about taking my mother in law with us in your situation. But definitely not yours!

sunnydelight · 09/05/2012 02:25

Sorry Thumb, life just always seems to get in the way . I'm not working now though - will be studying for a while- so things should be less manic.

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2012 04:47

Hurrah! we'll have to look at organising another meet up soon :)

BenjiAndTheTigers · 09/05/2012 06:19

Never mind the MIL. I really think you are heading along the same path.

Somehow I don't think you will qualify to live in Mosman. Maybe rethink along the lines of Western Sydney.

Don't think your attitude will fit in with the Waterhouses, Plumers, etc.

Original poster

Mosman · 09/05/2012 08:07

I'm sorry Benji, what are you talking about ?

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2012 08:14

Benji is being pretty rude to you, Mosman.

Original poster

Mosman · 09/05/2012 08:21

Oh right ok, not to worry reflection on her not me

OP posts:

BenjiAndTheTigers · 09/05/2012 08:23

I'm not really being rude. Just realistic. When MIL is obviously struggling and OP can't afford to buy a big enough home to accomodate them all, then Mosman is a pretty huge ask.

I grew up in Clifton Gardens but couldn't afford to buy there. Contemplated building onto parents home but decided we had to fend for ourselves and do the hard yards the same as parents did.

Original poster

Mosman · 09/05/2012 08:26

I can accommodate myself and the family I am responsible for ie my children, plus 4 sets of school fees, I think we'll be just fine thank you.

OP posts:

BenjiAndTheTigers · 09/05/2012 08:28

"They wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire". That is what I was was alluding to.
Doesn't matter how much money you have or don't have, if the OP speaks how she writes, well then I stand by my original post.

Original poster

Mosman · 09/05/2012 08:33

The OP has heard that line from people with more money and class than you could dream of meeting dear.

OP posts:

Thumbwitch · 09/05/2012 08:48

And I stand by my point that you were being pretty rude, Benji. Seems I wasn't wrong.

Coconutty · 09/05/2012 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ithinkitsjustme · 09/05/2012 12:20

Short answer from - I think you're a saint.

Original poster

Mosman · 12/05/2012 12:13

Oh bollocks, we have to bring her, DH insists we give it a go.
My next thread will be am I unreasonable to throw the body off a boat or would that be unfair to the great white that has to eat sour food

OP posts:

sugarice · 12/05/2012 12:26

It's definite then? God, you're a better and nicer woman than me. Good luck and hope it goes well for you, dh and kids.

Original poster

Mosman · 12/05/2012 12:36

Ask me again if I feel nice in 6 months time.
He can't see how we can leave her.

I don't think she'll cope with the heat/humidity, cope with the flight or cope with the kids. My money says she'll be home before Christmas.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 12/05/2012 18:04

Will be interested to read the update...

Inertia · 12/05/2012 19:16

He can't see how he can leave her?

Presumably he won't be leaving her covered in shit in a playpen, so she'll have the advantage over the 3yo and 5yo she abandoned.

Thumbwitch · 12/05/2012 19:33

Jeez-us - does he need reminding that she managed quite successfully to leave him, without a shred of compunction? Does he somehow feel guilty that she left him? Or is it just that desperate seeking-of-approval thing? I think your DH actually needs counselling - one or other of you is going to be in serious MH straits over the next year, depending on which way this goes.

She has other DC. It is irrelevant if they choose not to speak to her. She can attempt to mend bridges with them, she should have done that already instead of parasiting [sure that's not quite the right word but ykwim] off your DH.

I love my Dad to bits but had to "leave" him because his life is in the UK, as is my sister etc. It's easy enough to do when you have to because you have to. Your DH possibly has some romantic notion in his head that his mother is somehow going to be grateful and fall on his neck, weeping with sorrow that she could ever have left him as a child and she doesn't deserve his beneficence now - bollocks will she. Or perhaps he doesn't want to sink to her level and "do unto her as she did unto him"? Different scenario entirely - she's not a small dependent child who wouldn't have the first understanding as to why his mummy upped and left him.

Dear God, I hope you can talk him out of it.

WhiteWidow · 12/05/2012 20:04

I have stay with MIL TO BE at the moment and it's not going too well.

She treats my partner like he's still seven. Shouting him to 'have a word' over something silly or just being niggly and annoying.

We do our own shopping, we have our own freezer there but have to share fridges. She keeps eating our food, saying 'there's not point me buying any if that's there'. We're on a really tight budget at the moment, especially because we're paying her 300 a month for the pleasure of sleeping in her box room, so our food budget is limited as it is!
She borrows our car, uses all the petrol, and then puts it back on the drive like she's never even used it.
She complains if we're in the shower for over 5 minutes
She stops up late all night shouting and laughing well into the early hours, but then complains when we're getting up early for work in the morning and happen to make too much noise whispering.

It sounds like I'm being really petty... Am I???

WhiteWidow · 12/05/2012 20:05

Sorry I wa meant to put the above post in my own topic after reading this one! Apologies xx

Thumbwitch · 12/05/2012 20:45

Whitewidow - not really petty, no - she's taking advantage in terms of free food and petrol AND taking rental money off you. You need to get out as soon as you can, or come to a better arrangement (like not allowing her access to the car and buying your own fridge - or billing her for the bits she's used)
House sharing can be extremely painful for extended periods if either party take the piss - so you need to establish better ground rules.

Original poster

Mosman · 12/05/2012 22:14

The trouble is white widow, you end up feeling petty because when you are describing these events to other people you're almost laughing because they sound so ridiculous being said out loud.

I have decided that yes the old baggage can come out with us and that I will make sure will be the one and only time she ever does.
I'm 99.9% she will hate the flight, hate sharing with us because it will be very small, she'll hate the baby waking in the night, hate the preteens squeeling, hate the heat and be desperate to get back home
And even if she doesn't we can tell her over skype that we don't feel it worked but hey we gave it ago !

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6