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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

299 replies

PizzaSlut · 04/05/2012 23:21

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

OP posts:
KateShmate · 05/05/2012 11:26

Just out of interest OP, I have 2.5YO DTriplets - would you say that was easier, or harder, than having 3 singletons?

bigjoeent · 05/05/2012 11:43

KateShmate - you win definitely.

I've got 21 month twins and a 5yo DS. I think twins as newborns in general are harder work that singletons who are close in age (and as for triplets...) I've put in general as some friends whilst only having one child had ongoing medical problems as a result of the birth and medical problems with the child, that was really hard emotionally and physically for them.

I also have a lot of friends who have 3 children in a similar age range to mine, just no twins in there and tbh I think that it is hardwork for all of us. I'm not in a competition with them, I think that its difficult for all of us at some times and having someone else there to meet, get the children playing together makes it a bit easier for all of us.

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 11:43

Kate i take my hat of to you :)

gorionine · 05/05/2012 11:53

So do I Kate! 6 month after I was born, my aunt gave birth to twins, saddly she was in a situation where she was unable to look after them so my parents took them in (they actually were like my siblings for the first 4 years of our life).

When my Dcs were little (first 2 with less than 2 years appart) I often wondered how my mum did it with 3 babies born the same year!

Haberdashery · 05/05/2012 11:54

OP, I'm not even going to get into whether you are unreasonable or not. However, I do think you are suffering from a severe lack of imagination and ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

ThisIsYourSong · 05/05/2012 11:56

In response to the OP's whinging about her pregnancy - DC3 was 11lb1oz and the DTs were 17 months when he was born 10 days overdue. I had no help at all, and sold up and moved to NZ when I was 7 months pregnant. I found looking after twins and being hugely pregnant and everything that came with it (including not sleeping) MUCH easier than being pregnant with twins.

PeelingmyselfofftheCeiling · 05/05/2012 12:10

Ok, who wants to swop for a week? (not you Kate!Grin)

KateShmate · 05/05/2012 12:15

Completely agree with bigjoe - its not a competition about who its harder for. And I would never normally 'brag' about how hard it is for me with triplets because I feel totally lucky to have them - but at times like this when people like OP feel the need for everyone to feel sorry for them, I can't bite my tongue!

I'm not saying it isn't hard with 2 close in age - FWIW, I also have 2 older girls with 15 months between them; so when my DTrips were born I had 5 DD's under the age of 3.1 (DD1 was 3 2 weeks before they were born).
Having 2 close in age can be a total nightmare - you have one just starting to have proper full blown tantrums, and the other a newborn.
But that doesn't, IMO, compare to having 2 (or 3!) newborns, who are often prem.

I know all the other mums have gone over what is hard with twins, but for us it was just time - there literally wasn't time for me to feed all 3 and do anything else.. Once I'd finally fed and changed DTriplet#3, it was back to feeding #1 again. That was just one long circle that I never seemed to be able to get out of!

Until now - when my life is just one long circle of toddler tantrums Grin

KateShmate · 05/05/2012 12:17

Ha ha ha, aww are you sure Peeling ?? Grin

Maybe I'll send my DTrips to stay with OP, and then we'll see what she thinks!

ThisIsYourSong · 05/05/2012 12:22

Our time will come, Kate Smile. I had three under 18 months but I would say that is nothing compared to triplets let alone five under 3-ish!!

There is a girl in our multiple birth club who is 21, on her own and has triplets Shock.

AdoraBell · 05/05/2012 12:27

And things like this thread remind me why I just smile and nod while enjoying my twins, there will always be someone with no experience of having carried, given birth to and cared for twins, who just knows that they are more hard done than the parents of twins.

KateShmate · 05/05/2012 12:29

Ohh ThisIsYourSong that makes me sad,
DH is a brilliant dad, and helped out loads - yet we still found it ridiculously hard, so I can't even imagine how hard she's finding it on her own.
Hope she's got lots of support.
I bet there have been so many people giving her grief, so I really hope she copes brilliantly and proves them all wrong!

Oakmaiden · 05/05/2012 12:40

Totally bizarre.

Sorry - I started posting a proper reply, but really I think that sums up my thoughts sufficiently...

crashdoll · 05/05/2012 12:40

PizzaSlut You have it the hardest ever in the whole history of parenting. I award you the Martyr Mother Lifetime award. Does that make you feel better? So, then you really do win! (Even though this isn't a competition, you see!)

ThisIsYourSong · 05/05/2012 12:43

No, she is doing brilliantly and has lots of support from her church and family, although at the end of the day they live in a 2 bed flat and she has said her friends are still out partying, and it sounds like she is missing them, although I am sure they give her what help they can.

My DH has been the most brilliant help as well, I would have found it ridiculously hard without him being so supportive and just doing what I needed, no arguments or questions asked.

CremeEggThief · 05/05/2012 12:46

YABU. In most cases, it's harder with twins. I take my hat off to anyone with twins.

CinnyCall · 05/05/2012 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lollystix · 05/05/2012 12:47

I'm a twin and my mum says the first 2 years were just appauling which I can believe.

BUT what I find insightful is that when she's round my 4 (5 down to 7 months) she comments on how hard it is managing their different needs.

So my view is that it must be dreadful at the baby stage but once you hit about 3 it may be a bit easier in some respects

TrudiRed · 05/05/2012 14:44

This is a pet hate of mine. Yes I understand the cost of twins must be higher to begin with, and having 2 or more newborns must be very very hard work but there must be benefits too surely? Nursery drop offs and pick ups at the same time/place, same with school, same level of interest for days out etc, perhaps the same clubs and activities (though I appreciate this is not a given). All that stuff has to be a little easier to manage than multiple kids in a variety of age groups all wanting to be somewhere different at the same time? Like pp's have said its not a competition and its not especially harder for any one family than the next but please (some) parents of twins - stop making me want to scream!

bigjoeent · 05/05/2012 14:45

Hi, that does assume that you just have twins, I have children across the age groups, so it still happens.

willikillhim · 05/05/2012 14:52

Depends on all sorts of variables- routines/ single patent with 2 or 3 different aged kids vs 2 parents to twins? Special needs etc.

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 14:53

I have a 7 year old and 21 month old twins so school runs are a nightmare. I also have b/g twins so i dont think dts will want to go to rainbows and "girl" clubs just like dtd wont want to go to "boy" clubs. Then i will have my oldest who will want to go to things for her age. So even though i have twins, im pretty sure i will still have 3 sets of clubs and given that they are the same age then the twins clubs (here anyway) will be at the same time so ill need to make a decision on who will be late

ToothbrushThief · 05/05/2012 14:54

Although I think the OP was BU, I do also wonder if she needs help or to visit GP/health visitor. She doesn't sound like she is loving family life

Sluttybuttons · 05/05/2012 14:54

Will im a single parent with twins and a 7 year old

bigjoeent · 05/05/2012 15:01

Plus as one poster has already said, when I'm on my own with the twins I currently feel unsafe taking them to the park, they have no sense and will not yet follow instructions. This will change but is one example of something I cannot do with twins at the mo, but a parent with two children of different ages probably can.