AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

[PizzaSlut]

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

Oh god, I think twins would ge so much harder. I'm finding it hard having a 2.3 year old and a refluxy newborn. My DB and SIL are expecting twins (they already have a DS 2.6) and I'm pretty nervous for them. Evertime I can't get DD2 to settle and am pacing the floor at 3am I keep thinking 'At least their's not two, at least their's not two'

Wow slutty I bet that is hard

My dts are 3.6. We are just coming out of the hard work and starting to feel the benefits of having 2 the same age.

YABU.

And two with the same routine? I should be so lucky.

I was lucky with my two, no SCBU, no colic, no reflux, slept through relatively early and still pretty good sleepers, but if they hadn't, I would've been on my arse with them.

Two lots of everything, double the cost for anything you want to do, not to mention having to buy a new car (maybe) - we had a 3 door corsa, doable with one car seat and one baby and a single buggy, not with two.

I am so dreading school and school trips. DSS went on a skiing trip with school in Yr 4 - unlikely we'll be able to afford that for two.

PizzaSlut you sound like you really resent your child/children and the 'work' it has cost you. That's really sad. I really hope you can get some help to lighten your load a little.

I wouldn't say the cost of twins is higher to begin with - it is always going to be higher compared to having a singleton!

DS3 & 4 are twins, so I already had a 5 year old and a 2 year old (who had just been diagnosed with autism) when they were born. They weren't particularly hard babies, all my boys have been quite placid, but there were times when I suffered from such exhaustion that I really couldn't actually move off the sofa. I didn't get that with any of my others.

Obviously having 2 older boys meant I had loads of clothes already, and 1 cot, so we only had to buy 1 cot and a new pushchair, so for us their early days were financially not as hard as now - paying for 2 lots of school trips/beavers trips/karate stuff all at the same time instead of staggered by year group can get very costly. I'm dreading when they move up to Scouts and get to go abroad, really I should start saving now!

I am in total awe of anyone who manages to look after two newborns at once.

PizzaSlut Fri 04-May-12 23:53:31
"I never meant it to be competition but parents of DTs do not realise how hard it is ofr those with smaller age gaps and unless you have the same gender you have to fork out for 2 lots of clothes."

Surely if you're hard up, like we were when we had ours, you don't allow yourself little luxuries like keeping your dcs in gender specific clothing: you make sure most of what you buy will do for either sex and know that you can't afford to be fussy about a baby boy wearing a pink jumper should you be given one for your dd. Or was that just us?

There is no doubt in my min that I would seriously struggle with twins. Before having my first I just thought 'twins what fun'. After her I thought 'how can anyone cope with two of these?'. I was terrified on my two subsequent pregnancies of them being twins. Before going for my first scan on DS2 I had dreams about being told it was twins.
I admire anyone who does it. I can't see how I is anything bu hard work.

I've got 4 kids. I had less than 2 years between the first two, then twins when ds2 was 2.9.

The twins were much harder work than the pair with the small age gap.

4 under 5 was very tough.

But nothing was as tough as having two preschoolers and working p/t while being pregnant with twins. That was horrific and nothing they've thrown at me since they arrived has been so bad.

Love 'em all to death though, wouldn't change it for the world

Plus u found time to conceive whilst yours were weeks old most mums of twins probably not yet resumed that side of live at this stage!

So...
OP - AIBU?
Everyone - er, yes a bit
OP - no I'm not
Everyone - yes you are and this is why
OP - NO I'm NOT. You're all WRONG
Everyone - nope, UA still BU but why don't you try x y or z for help?
OP - ignores

pffft

Sorry I haven't read the whole thread.

I think the most difficult thing about having twins was managing two newborns. But I don't think I've heard many twin parents complain about their lot.

You are being a little unreasonable, it's not quite the same.

I do have to say though that i dont see that my life is hard. Its my life and this is just the way it is. Yup im tired most of the time and going out isnt easy but i love every second i spend with my children. I have finally (after 2 years of looking) got them both into a nursery (that i need to pay for myself out of benefits) on a friday afternoon for 3 hours just so i can get some housework done and have a cup of tea without out being climbed on or moaned at. I dont have a DP/H that can help me and family live too far away so i do it all on my own. If i could turn back the clock and change things i would still make the same error of judgement that resulted in the twins because i adore them both and wouldnt have my life any other way.

So yes its hard (more time consuming and impracticable) but id never change it.

I had IVF twins then another natural miracle 14 months later so I kind of beat you op in the stress stakes if it's a competition. Believe me having a close age gap was absolutely nothing into comparison to having twins,it didn't even come close.The age gap thing actually was a breeze in comparison so sorry to burst your bubble.

My sister and my best friend had twins too so I could see both options.

Twins are a freak of nature,you're not designed to have them. Women have been having babies with close gaps for years,in some cultures women can have a baby a year.

With twins they both need you at exactly the same stage of development all the time.When dd was a baby you barely noticed she was there.She slept in her basket behind her Baby Dan cage,went in the sling.I only had one baby to feed so got loads of cuddles and could take my time with feeds instead of frantically juggling. Newborn colic in stereo aint a picnic.Twins wake each other up continuously so you literally spend the first few months functioning on practically zero sleep.By the time dd was born an earthquake wouldn't have woken the dtwins. Putting 2 newborns back into a buggy out and about is a nightmare ditto strapping them into cars.When they start walking one just legs it.The 15 month age gap meant they learnt a lot more safety issues by the time I went through it again with dd the following year.2 toddlers the same age is a freakin nightmare.By the time dd was old enough to run for it the twins had grown out of that stage.I could go on and on........

With a close gap the whole point is there is a gap and the older child has learnt a lot.

Don't get me started on the money.You need a fuck off expensive double buggy(cheap ones make your life hell if you have a double).With one you can get away with a single half the price and a buggy board.My dtwins went on a board at 14/15 months.You have to buy 2 times moses baskets,2 times cots,2 times bedding,2 times clothes,2 times bottles,2 times mattresses,2 times newborn car seat etc...... I didn't have to buy a thing for dd.

Re the IVF I had 3 embryos implanted as I was told I had zero chance of any of them taking.We had to use them up in readiness for adoption.My sisters were a complete fluke (ditto my friend) and she was devastated after seeing how hard twins were for me.

I've met a lot of twins mums and not met one who hasn't struggled or moaned.We all get on with it because we know we're blessed and you have little choice but to get on with it.I've met a lot of mums with close ages and none have found it as hard as you seem to be finding it op,I'm not being nasty just wondering if you need support.

Sorry for not reading the whole 10 pages yet but OP, did you choose to have your children with that gap? We didn't, we only planned to have one child.
The up front costs are more expensive as we cannot do hand me downs, need duplicates of high end items such as cots, high chairs, travel cots immediately. Toys often have to be doubled up as its not fair for them to share everything.
Child benefit is not double the first child amount either.

I have missed out on being able to take them swimming from babies for example as two adults were required and I didn't have anyone. Taking them to the park was often fraught with them trying to go in opposite directions.

I have twins. It is challenging, but I don't think I have it 'worse' than anyone else with 2+ kids. If anything, my 7 year old is harder than the twins put together. I guess it really depends on the personalities on the children. I would certainly be annoyed if people kept telling me they had it 'worse!!'

I hated my post natal group because of the competitive whining. I got on with, they were the cards I was dealt and 4 years on they are great :)

I have twins and love it. However, yes, I have found it to be very hard work. Chuck in bad colic and the fact that neither has slept through the night yet (at nearly 1). So yes, I imagine having 2 of different ages would be easier to be honest.

I don't have twins, but I have always thought that it must be much tougher to have twins than two close together.

You can't hand down any clothes, car seats, etc.

My work colleague said it was like one of those toys where as soon as you hit one thing with a hammer another thing pops up. She was exhausted as one twin would wake just as she had got the other to sleep. She gave up breastfeeding as she just found it too hard with the pair of them.

YABVVVU

I think it would be much harder when they're babies because there would always be one awake/hungry/screaming but they're probably easier when they're older because being the same age they would be on the same level and would be interested in the same play/hobbies etc and able to entertain each other.

We were lucky as one screamer never woke the other....this amazing sleep ability does not bode well for us when they reach their teens ;)
They do play together very well albeit very noisily!

I cant even imagine coping with two dd's (15 months) I never stop.

I have 5 dc all age ranges and at one point had 3 under 5 but i still think twins would be harder.

The other thing with twins is that you have no choice wheras if you have dc close age ranges then thats presumably a choice (most of the time)

Does it actually matter though? Kids are just...well hard innit

Wish there was an off or mute switch!

Just realising I hardly spent any money on ds- the moment dd grew out of something he took it over

couldn't have done that with twins