AIBU to think that parents of twins do not have it harder

[PizzaSlut]

I have 3 DC including 2 less than 2 years apart.

Twice in the last 2 days I have had parents of twins moaning about how hard it is to parent them and the financial cost. ones set are same as dd1 and the other are same as ds1.

Surely I have the same costs albeit not in the same financial year and surely dd2 and ds1 have similar needs at 7 and 5 as twins 2.

My first ever as I don't trust myself to reply in all honesty on this thread and not get deleted or banned.

Oh and another thing. My mum had me and my brother 18 months apart then my sister 4 years later then 6 years after that my other younger sister then 13 months later my youngest sister. She has only had the twins once and she said next time she will have them seperatly. Then i have another family member who has said she wouldnt have them together because it would be too difficult (i must admit i feel rather smug at this since she thinks she is so much better than me and feels like she can give me parenting advice)

I have 5 DC!!
I win

If we say you are reasonable and you are the busiest, most stressed mum in the whole world and no one, not parents of twins or triplets or severely disabled children or any other combination, can possibly be as busy and broke and hard done by as you, will you feel better?

This is a strange thread.

Parents of triples have it hard.
Parents of quads have it hard.
Parents of one baby have it hard if the circumstances are difficult.
Parents of babies that have not or will never be conceived have it hard.

Parenting has never been or never will be a competition. If you can't be supportive and be kind to other parents in circumstances different to yours, you need to seriously have a nap and calm down.

I agree 1950's. I have a good friend whose first baby died at 3 days old, and within 20 months she had two new babies (not twins) one of whom had profound and multiple LD. No family support and a disastrous marriage. My own grandmother had five under five (non twins) and was being severely beaten and threatened on a daily basis by my grandfather. Around the world there are women in such dire, dire circumstances... Really, not being able to enjoy a cup of tea in peace or shell out for clothes all at once or 11 months apart isn't such a majorly big deal. There are ALWAYS people who have it harder than you, sometimes unimaginably so.

And dh's grandmother had 10 full term pregnancies in nearly as many years, two sets if twins and only eight of her children lived to two years old.

I am sorry for anyone who had pain or suffering or hardship, who has suffered the pain of loss or been ill and sad and unsupported... But it is never a competition.

YABU. I had my DDs 13 months apart and I used to think that I would have preferred to have them born twins and spend just 9 months of my life being pregnant rather than 18 months iyswim.

But....with 2 pregnancies you get 18 months of maternity leave rather than just 9 to spend with your little ones!

I think with twin births you should get double mat leave!

It's not a competition

... I think 2 2and a half years apart was bad enough. So I must be really crap

Op I think the word is different not easier or harder. Different.

Although I'll take my 3 under 4 years, one with special and medical needs over twins any day

OP - you are knackered, we get it.

Having a dig at other people won't reduce your workload.

FWIW I am full of admiration for parents of twins - it is bloody hard work. Some people have more family help or easier lives.

Meh! Stop being so bitter.

Well said changeforthebetter. I have 2ds with a 17 month age gap. Knackering yes but I have friends with twins and even helping them out for a couple of hours was much harder than my two. I guess at least my eldest had some comprehension of what I was saying, like when I said ds1 pass me the vodka wet wipes he would get them for me! Yes it would normally take a few minutes of him staring aimlessly into space and ds2's poo dripping all over the carpet but he tried never the less.

I do love a thread where the OP is told, pretty much wholeheartedly, that she *is8 being unreasonable yet still pushes on regardless.

OP, you are wrong. Raising a newborn singlehandedly whilst dealing with two other children was no walk in the park but I am glad none of mine were twins. Parents of multiples, I take my hat off to you.

Do you get more points for girls or boys?

So someone in real life has suggested to you that your life is easier than theirs, and it is very important to you that people don't think that? You want them to see that your life is harder than theirs? or at least as hard? And you have come on here to, you hoped, get lots of people saying yes, your life is harder.

Why? Genuine question. It's clearly very important to you that people say that your life is hard, or at least harder than other people's who think their life is harder than yours. (iyswim) Why is that? Do you feel you want recognition? Sympathy? Acknowledgement? Did it hurt you that someone said you had it easier than them? If so, why? Why do you need recognition of what you see as your hard life?

I am NOT not not not! having a go. I'm not demanding you answer any of my questions. I'm just thinking that there must be a reason why this recognition is important to you, and it may help you if you analyse and understand it. You have a need. That need is universal acknowledgement that you have a hard life - why do you have that need?

If you had that acknowledgement, what would happen? What would change? How would you feel different or better?

I think tread warily has hit the nail on the head...

If we say you are reasonable and you are the busiest, most stressed mum in the whole world and no one, not parents of twins or triplets or severely disabled children or any other combination, can possibly be as busy and broke and hard done by as you, will you feel better?

My MIL had 3 sets of twins simultaneously, so had 6 children under the age of 5.
And then had 3 more children.

YABU. Which I think you may have gathered. It comes down to the choices you make. Multiples are not a choice. Having 2/3/4 close together is a choice you make because you can see benefits to the situation, so you must have chosen to do it like that because at some point it will make your life easier.

Some people have more family help. Some people have good sleepers. Some people have plenty of money to buy doubles of everything. Every situation is different. But I always allow parents of multiples a bit more leeway because I personally consider it to be a tough ride and I would not want to swap places with them. Although with next DC, you never know what will happen!

I have a 21mth gap between DS1 and DS2 and while it has been hard at times (isn't all parenting?), I just couldn't compare it to having twins. DS2 has been a relatively easy baby, so while DS1 was going through his difficult toddler phase, DS2 was in sling or buggy and relatively containable/undemanding. Now DS2 has started to er, assert his independence, DS1 is getting so much more reasonable at 4yrs.

I couldn't imagine the baby stage or toddler stage with twins- I bet it's incredibly difficult at times.

Everyone has different experiences of parenting and all babies and young children vary in their difficulty level.

Op, how can you determine that you have it harder, you don't actually know do you? And why do you want to?

Can you not just be grateful for two healthy happy children? It's quite a blessing and we don't all get given that gift.

sorry 3 children even