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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious that this woman spoke to me about this in the playground?

276 replies

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 17:50

Honest replies please, I'm pissed off but unsure if I'm being over sensitive.

DD is in Y2 and is struggling with her reading. DH and I have spoken with the teacher and she is currently awaiting assessment for dyslexia. DD's teacher and I are working together to help her and she has been really helpful all along.

Anyway, there are parent helpers who go in weekly to read with the children and this woman (I barely know her), who read with DD today, proceeded to come up to me in the playground this afternoon at pick up to tell me, in a VERY loud voice that 'your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?'. I was flabbergasted and I am abso fucking lutely furious that she would even discuss this with me, never mind in the playground in full hearing of every other parent and pupil in the school, including DD who was standing beside me. (and I told her this) DD is worried enough about this herself.

She is not a teacher and DD's teacher would not dream of discussing this with me in front of other parents/children.

Do I need to calm down or do I need to kick her in the fucking shins the next time I see her?

OP posts:
MarySA · 04/05/2012 18:58

I think she was absolutely and totally out of order. What a nerve. She obviously hasn't a clue what is appropriate and what isn't.

angeltattoo · 04/05/2012 18:58

Kick her in the shins, yes.

I assume she has no teaching/specialist training?

Disguisting that she said it to you in public/in front of your DD/at all!

Whoopydofoxpoo · 04/05/2012 18:58

I would be furious on a number of counts

  • her being a parent helper and approaching you about your DD reading - not her place to do - she should discuss this with teacher.
  • discussing it with you in playground within earshot of other parents - would be wrong even if it was a teacher doing this.

-the undermining affect that it has on your DD to be so blatant about it.

Speak to school further about this.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/05/2012 19:01

bibbity following on from Dollys post. DS1 struggled with reading and was way behind at the end of Yr2 (had an IEP from YR) etc. Finding reading more difficult than his friends really really affected his confidence. Its only now in Yr4 that its building back up.

Dolly appropriate help really can make a difference. DS1 is now reading at an age appropriate level (even if his spelling does leave a bit to be desired). He has stopped saying "I am rubbish at this" admittedly this is partly due to me threatening to fine him some of his pocket money every time he said it. He was in the middle of the class for the end of the Yr3 test after being near the bottom for Yr2 SATs I suspect the improved is largely due to the fact he can now read fast enough to answer the questions / complete the work in a reasonable time.

Original poster
DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 19:02

No she has no teaching experience at all. I just think it was completely inappropriate on every level and would have been pissed off if DD hadn't been with me but the fact that she was makes it even worse. She's been very quiet since we got home. Sad

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2012 19:02

Fuck me - that's outrageous! Angry
You need to have a word with the Head at the first opportunity.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/05/2012 19:03

sorry the improvement

ravel · 04/05/2012 19:04

i would be furious.

what did you say?

Whoopydofoxpoo · 04/05/2012 19:05

Don't do it Monday - do it Tuesday - Monday a Bank Holiday Wink

Hope your DD feels better over the weekend - do something nice with her McDonalds Grin

WMDinthekitchen · 04/05/2012 19:06

Tell the head you are interested the classroom helpers (well, you are so no fib) and ask for details of their training/instructions. When you have had a look at those you will doubtless find out that there are specific instructions about confidentiality. You can then report the helper concerned. Try Googling 'parent helpers in schools policy' to find some examples.

giveitago · 04/05/2012 19:06

She shoudn't be 'helping' your dd with reading as she doesn't have the skills. Complain to the teacher right now.

ToothbrushThief · 04/05/2012 19:08

I would write to the Head. I would also confront the eejit on Monday - politely but very assertively

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 04/05/2012 19:10

Silly bitch you need to speak to tge s hook, she could be planning on becoming a teache.

Eggrules · 04/05/2012 19:11

kick her in the fucking shins

I would be fucking furious too.

I would see class teacher on Tuesday and tell her you want a meeting with the head. I would tell the teacher that this woman must not read with your DD again. Hopefully they will enforce their own confidentially rules in future.

nutellaontoast · 04/05/2012 19:12

Let's break this down:

"your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem." = clearly you and the teacher haven't noticed, but I have because I am Very Clever and You are Not

"I have not been told she has any special needs" = most odd. I am Very Important you know. I think she has Learning Difficulties.

"is there anything you need to tell me?" = the kind of patronising, slightly sarky remark a parent or teacher would make to a naughty teenager i.e. she is implying you are "naughty" and she is above you.

Nope, I don't think fecking furious is over-egging it at all!

I would be inclined to report the incident in writing to the head exactly as it happened and verbally to the teacher, finishing with "I was concerned by the volunteer's lack of regard for privacy and confidentiality; unfortunately it has also knocked DD's already fragile reading confidence. I would welcome the opportunity to discuss the incident with you as soon as possible."

On a more positive note, how about looking at this website with DD, it's full of inspiring, highly successful dyslexics. Might help her keep the old chin up. I'd also be laughing about what a silly woman the helper is in front of DD, nothing like humour to diffuse a sting.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2012 19:12

To put it in context, I was upset and annoyed when a 'parent helper' told me, in the playground, within earshot of others, that DS (who has SEN) had read well that day.
I was temped to complain then as I felt it was inappropriate, your scenario is beyond the pale.

Noqontrol · 04/05/2012 19:13

I'd put in a written complaint to the head. This is not acceptable and completely breaks confidentiality. Over reaction or not, I would be fucking furious, and I would not want her to do reading with my child again.

SauvignonBlanche · 04/05/2012 19:16

Good point nutella, write it down now OP whilst it's fresh in your memory. Then you don't need to spend the long weekend trying to remember what the bitch interfering busybody said.

sparkina · 04/05/2012 19:18

Take it to the head immediately. Who the hell does she think she is? And whatever the outcome make sure they know you never want her anywhere near your kid again!!!!!!! Good luck.x

bigpants103 · 04/05/2012 19:18

You have every right to be furious. I'm a teacher and I would be furious with a classroom volunteer for speaking to a parent without my concent. Infact I would tell her that I wouldn't want her volunteering in school any more.

Definitely speak to the class teacher. I'm sure they will be annoyed about it and perhaps spent more time speaking to parent volunteers about what they should and shouldn't say to parents.

I would also do the Head a letter too.

bigpants103 · 04/05/2012 19:18

You have every right to be furious. I'm a teacher and I would be furious with a classroom volunteer for speaking to a parent without my concent. Infact I would tell her that I wouldn't want her volunteering in school any more.

Definitely speak to the class teacher. I'm sure they will be annoyed about it and perhaps spent more time speaking to parent volunteers about what they should and shouldn't say to parents.

I would also do the Head a letter too.

Geranium3 · 04/05/2012 19:19

These sort of school helpers make me mad, they get ideas above their station and are very indiscreet and always annoys me that they seem to end up being appointed within the school to any paid jobs that come up.
I would be very cross op, if she is saying this to your face, what might she be saying behind your back to her friends about the pupils. I know alot of schools hate having to use helpers and in our school you are not permitted to help in any class that you have you own children in. Can't stand busy body mothers,.....lethal!!

EllenJaneisnotmyname · 04/05/2012 19:21

Apart from Bibbity and maybe one other, everyone on this thread is in agreement that this woman's actions were completely unreasonable.

My DS has SEN, if anyone came out of school shouting their mouth off about him, in front of me, my friends and the children, I would be be completely incensed! Also, I have been a parent helper and I am now a TA. This woman has no compassion, empathy or professionalism. She should not be working or volunteering with children until she's had some swift training.

I assume Bibbity doesn't have children with any SEN, or her attitude may be slightly different. I repeat, I would be fucking furious!

CremeEggThief · 04/05/2012 19:25

This woman clearly needs the school's confidentiality policy spelled out to her.
FWIW, I honestly don't think it sounds as if she meant to be spiteful or bitchy, but it is definitely thoughtful and tactless and it shouldn't have happened.

Have a word with the class teacher about it on Monday, and I'm sure the school will set her straight!

LeeCoakley · 04/05/2012 19:26

Even if a teacher came out and said that in front of everybody you would be right to be furious. Write it all down in a letter to the HT and ask for an appointment to discuss it. That way, everything's on paper and you won't forget her exact words by next Tuesday! I'm mad on your behalf.