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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious that this woman spoke to me about this in the playground?

276 replies

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 17:50

Honest replies please, I'm pissed off but unsure if I'm being over sensitive.

DD is in Y2 and is struggling with her reading. DH and I have spoken with the teacher and she is currently awaiting assessment for dyslexia. DD's teacher and I are working together to help her and she has been really helpful all along.

Anyway, there are parent helpers who go in weekly to read with the children and this woman (I barely know her), who read with DD today, proceeded to come up to me in the playground this afternoon at pick up to tell me, in a VERY loud voice that 'your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?'. I was flabbergasted and I am abso fucking lutely furious that she would even discuss this with me, never mind in the playground in full hearing of every other parent and pupil in the school, including DD who was standing beside me. (and I told her this) DD is worried enough about this herself.

She is not a teacher and DD's teacher would not dream of discussing this with me in front of other parents/children.

Do I need to calm down or do I need to kick her in the fucking shins the next time I see her?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 04/05/2012 17:59

Put it this way

In many Primary schools the year 6 kids listen to the year 2 kids read

How would you feel if a 10yr old said the same thing?

Parent helpers are just that... 'helpers'.

They're not there to teach anything and they certainly shouldn't be speaking to parents about their kids reading.

Original poster

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 17:59

She has a rep as being a bit of a know all to be honest but I don't really know her. I'm so cross I was shaking when I came home. I will have to speak to the school on Monday I guess.

OP posts:

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 04/05/2012 18:01

Definitely shins....

Pooka · 04/05/2012 18:01

Tis is completely unacceptable. Parent helpers should be aware that what happens in the classroom stays in the classroom and they should not be making comments of any kind to parents about their children's performance.

culturemulcher · 04/05/2012 18:01

I help out once a week at DCs primary school. All parent helpers have to have to go an induction meeting before they begin, where you're specifically reminded not to talk about children's abilities to others, amongst other things.

The parent should have had more discretion. She's not a teacher and it's not her job to comment.

TheUnMember · 04/05/2012 18:01

"your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?"

"yeah, fuck off!"

BeeInMyBonnet · 04/05/2012 18:01

I know many people do just go and help out and they're wonderful of course, but some people I swear do it to be sticky beaked. Bit of a double edged sword I think letting parents into the classroom to help out. I've always had mixed feelings about it.

Mishy1234 · 04/05/2012 18:03

she is volunteering to benefit all the children in the class and no doubt her heart is in the right place, so perhaps cut her some slack eh?

I agree that parents who help out in the classroom are giving up their time and it does benefit the whole class. However, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand the concept of confidentiality and tbh if they can't adhere to simple rules they shouldn't be volunteering.

MrsHeffley · 04/05/2012 18:03

I think that's appalling. Parent helpers are always told about confidentiality.No school needs help like that. Sorry I'd be asking for her to be removed otherwise I'd be removing my daughter.

But no shin kicking.

BBQJuly · 04/05/2012 18:04

YANBU! How rude and inappropriate. Definitely speak to the teacher.

webwiz · 04/05/2012 18:04

At my Dcs school you had to help in a different class to the one your child was in - that got rid of those who didn't have the best motives.

SunflowersSmile · 04/05/2012 18:04

I would hope that she would learn from a stern talking to.

bibbitybobbitybunny · 04/05/2012 18:06

She wasn't breaching confidentiality ... she was speaking to the child's mother.

Look, I agree its not appropriate to do it in the playground and she might have had a loud voice that carries (I don't know, I wasn't there) and I can understand op being annoyed about it.

But "fucking furious" is just a bit ott, imvho.

gafhyb · 04/05/2012 18:07

You need to go into school and ask them to re-iterate (I hope they have already discussed this) the duty of confidentiality that volunteers have. Our volunteers have to sign a form stating they will not discuss the children they work with. And that includes not marching up to parents, and directing any questions from parents to the teacher.

Unfortunately people like her give volunteers a bad name - Busybody.

madwomanintheattic · 04/05/2012 18:09

confidentiality, confidentiality, confidentiality.

formal complaint to the head teacher about the woman's conduct.

it is not unknown for parent helpers to be given first dibs on any TA positions that come up. if the HT has no idea that the helper is unprofessional and does not understand the concept of individuality, they have no reason not to offer job.

complain. at the very least she needs to be reminded that she is not to mention, discuss, or confide anything about the children outside of the school.

if she is worried, she should be discussing it with the class teacher. not her remit to approach parents. at all. ever.

ToryLovell · 04/05/2012 18:09

YANBU - she should treat anything in school as confidential

bigjoeent · 04/05/2012 18:09

Bibbity, its not just the loudness of the comment, its the fact that she is not qualified to make any comment. I would be furious if I were in OPs place, it was ill considered and judgemental.

CharminglyOdd · 04/05/2012 18:10

YANBU. I was a reading helper (not a parent) and never went beyond waving goodbye to the children in the playground. Any concerns I had I shared with the teacher when I gave a brief update as to how the reading went. It's absolutely none of her business especially to approach you like that.

BeeInMyBonnet · 04/05/2012 18:10

It was at best patronising.

I think that Dolly has every reason to be furious to be patronised in the playground or anywhere by another helper parent. She was out of order especially with the ' is there anything you need to tell me?'

madwomanintheattic · 04/05/2012 18:10

individuality? where dat come from?! clearly i'm so cross my fingers are just doing their own thang...

manicbmc · 04/05/2012 18:11

It's not her place to talk to a parent about any concerns about a child. That is for the teacher to do.

Before I was a TA, I used to help out and sometimes listen to readers. I would never ever have approached a parent. I would have spoken to the teacher if I thought there was a problem.

lemonaid · 04/05/2012 18:11

She may be volunteering to benefit all the children in the class, but if this is how she carries out her duties she's not actually benefitting them. There isn't a great deal of complexity to "anything you encounter in the course of listening to reading is strictly confidential and must only be discussed with the class teacher".

madwomanintheattic · 04/05/2012 18:12

the confidentiality agreement for school helpers extends to the child's parent. the helpers are not allowed to discuss the child. the parent shoudn't even know that mrs x was reading with bobby unless bobby told her.

ZZZenAgain · 04/05/2012 18:12

'your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?' Quite without any other concerns to speak like this within earshot of the dc is not in order.

tkband3 · 04/05/2012 18:12

I used to volunteer to read with children at my DDs' primary school and I had to sign something guaranteeing confidentiality regarding anything I heard/was party to at the school. The school wouldn't and shouldn't tell her if any child was being assessed for dyslexia for confidentiality reasons, but it is no business of hers anyway. She is there to support and help the teachers and if she has any feedback on a particular child, she should pass it on to the teacher - certainly not approach the parent in the playground!

You should absolutely complain to the headteacher and the woman should no longer be permitted to volunteer at the school if she can't be trusted.

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