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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be furious that this woman spoke to me about this in the playground?

276 replies

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 17:50

Honest replies please, I'm pissed off but unsure if I'm being over sensitive.

DD is in Y2 and is struggling with her reading. DH and I have spoken with the teacher and she is currently awaiting assessment for dyslexia. DD's teacher and I are working together to help her and she has been really helpful all along.

Anyway, there are parent helpers who go in weekly to read with the children and this woman (I barely know her), who read with DD today, proceeded to come up to me in the playground this afternoon at pick up to tell me, in a VERY loud voice that 'your DD had significant trouble with her reading today, I really think there is a problem. I have not been told she has any special needs, is there anything you need to tell me?'. I was flabbergasted and I am abso fucking lutely furious that she would even discuss this with me, never mind in the playground in full hearing of every other parent and pupil in the school, including DD who was standing beside me. (and I told her this) DD is worried enough about this herself.

She is not a teacher and DD's teacher would not dream of discussing this with me in front of other parents/children.

Do I need to calm down or do I need to kick her in the fucking shins the next time I see her?

OP posts:

conkercon · 04/05/2012 18:24

That is awful. I used to go into school years ago to read with some of the children. Would never dream of discussing it with anyone.

Are there really people who have such a sense of their own self worth that they would actually do this? Amazing!

TartyMcFarty · 04/05/2012 18:24

I would also want to know what the school intends to do to rebuild your DD's confidence after reader, after both her one-to-one contact with this woman, and the insensitive comments she made in the playground.

CrumpettyTree · 04/05/2012 18:27

I know of a school where people are spoken to about confidentiality and have to sign an agreement of confidentiality before helping in school. I wish our school had that.

Softlysoftly · 04/05/2012 18:27

Fucking furious isn't overreacting, even if her dd does know, if you know you have issues with sensitivity and empathy (not that you do of course ) would you want your drs receptionist yelling about it in front of you over your head so all your mates can hear in a situation where bullying I'd rife for the smallest reason, you would not be ok with it.

Also she will have been told about confidentiality, she would have to have the brain of an ant not to know if she had a genuine question she should go to the teacher not the parent and finally she is a parent and must realise how it would make it feel if it was her child. To my mind that all adds up to her being a busybody wanting to feel self important at someone else's expensive hence furious is fine.

AmberLeaf · 04/05/2012 18:28

'Is there anything you need to tell me?'

What a fucking cheek!

Totally unacceptable. not her place to speak to you about anything to do with your child and to do it in front of her is just appalling.

Strong words would be had.

lagoonhaze · 04/05/2012 18:29

I would be making a formal complaint and then making an appt to follow it up with head. I would also be saying this woman is to have no contact with my DC.

WhereAreTheCakes · 04/05/2012 18:29

I'm shocked that unqualified people are in classrooms. How does the school vet these people?

Our school asks for volunteers to help with fundraising, escorting on school trips - but NEVER actively involved with educating.

Yes I'd be furious too and also wondering why a child with a 'potential query' (for want of a better phrase!), was having her reading listened to by anyone other that the teacher involved.

crashdoll · 04/05/2012 18:30

I'm suprised there are a couple of people on this thread who think it was ok. It bloody well isn't! You do not say that sort of thing in front of the children. You do not say it in the playground. This woman should not have said it at all. I'd be fuming too! She was fucking rude, what a cow. I hope you do complain.

A lot of these sorts of threads are dramatic parents making a big deal out of very little but this was categorically wrong. I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.

sugarice · 04/05/2012 18:31

Speak to the Head about confidentiality issues being breached and how upset you are. Then tread on her toes by accident as you pass her.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 04/05/2012 18:34

I think I'd have kicked her.

Tell the teacher and make sure she doesn't get the chance to "help" any more children with their reading. She clearly has an over inflated sense of her own importance and shouldn't be able to needlessly upset any more people. Maybe she'd be better volunteering for other stuff. School trips maybe? Cutting and sticking?

JosieZ · 04/05/2012 18:36

IF the reaction of teacher and head are not strong enough I would write to the education department saying something like - you strongly disagree with their policies in regards to this. You are deeply distressed and your daughter is now reluctant to go to school after being talked negatively about in front of other parents and her classmates and there should be confidentiality rules to stop this happening etc. rah rah rah

I would just want to stir things up in the hope that this horrible woman is dropped as a reading assistant otherwise the Head and teacher might just think a quiet word with the woman is enough when it is definitely not and interest from the Education Dept might make sure that Head and teacher get the message.

No doubt ed dept will write back saying that they have advisory regs in place but if there are this woman has definitely not kept to them. Hopefully their interest will spur teacher and head into action and she will be dropped.

thebestisyettocome · 04/05/2012 18:36

I'd have seen my arse.

That's a Northern saying meaning, I'd have been fucking furious.

Hth.

EmilyPollifaxInnocentTourist · 04/05/2012 18:37

I'd go to the head. The teacher isn't responsible for vetting parent helpers, the head is and this breaks all sorts of confidentiality guidelines. I'd be pointing out that this person will have access to all sorts of sensitive information just be overhearing in the building I wouldn't want her reading with my child.

JosieZ · 04/05/2012 18:39

Also poor DD is only Y2. Might be fine in time (like my son was).

Austinsmom · 04/05/2012 18:40

I would have been wicked cross too, best way forward would be to demand a meeting with the Head, the class teacher and this unprofessional busy body and let her talk her way LOUDLY out of that one!! getting angry is a natural response I have found when it comes to our children being dissed by others however it will not achieve a solution. I would also want to know what the schools policy is on sharing informant with school assistance.

SpringHeeledJack · 04/05/2012 18:41

I've volunteered in school for the same thing

any school worth its salt should stress to volunteers about issues around confidentiality/boundaries

this woman has breached both. Whatever her manner/the content ie what she actually said, she SHOULD NOT have approached you

fucking furious is fucking apt

SpringHeeledJack · 04/05/2012 18:50

...to clarify further- just because you give up a fraction your own time (of your own free will) does not entitle you to behave like a cunt

Original poster

DollysDrawers · 04/05/2012 18:53

'Is dd not aware that she has difficulties with reading?'

Yes bibbity she is very aware and it upsets her. She has trouble with her reading but she is not unintelligent and heard and understood every word that was said and that it was about her. She's not the most confident child at the best of times.

I am even more fucking furious the more I think about it, but I did ask for honest opinions and if you think I'm overreacting, fair enough.

OP posts:

Molehillmountain · 04/05/2012 18:54

Straight in to complain. Without question. Much as it should go to class teacher I'd be tempted to seek out the head straightaway on this.

BeeInMyBonnet · 04/05/2012 18:55

Springheeledjack I think that should have been the 'anything you need to tell me?' The perfect response.

webwiz · 04/05/2012 18:55

I think bibbity is a lone voice OP - the rest of us are furious on your behalf.

mylittlesunshine · 04/05/2012 18:56

I would be furious too and you should make a complaint to the head they will be unaware of this woman doing this and she needs to be pulled up over it.

I hope parent helpers don't get a bad name because of people like her, I was a parent helper and now a student TA in the same class and it makes such a difference having someone listening to children read daily. Teachers don't have time to listen to 30 children read everyday so chances are they will get heard once or twice a week for small periods of time. I am in school everyday and ensure every child reads daily as it really helps giving them that chance to practise reading different books and discussing them with me, it improves their reading and confidence. I wouldn't dream of discussing a child's reading ability with anyone and my school quite rightly wouldn't let me back if i did!

Pixieonthemoor · 04/05/2012 18:57

This woman has no place helping out as she clearly has no idea how to behave and has let this position of 'authority' go to her head. She needs to have her invitation to help out rescinded immediately and I would be contacting the school and insisting on it. Stupid arrogant woman - I hope your DD is ok.

Molehillmountain · 04/05/2012 18:57

I have coffee with some parents who help with reading at their dc's school, not the one my dd attends. They are very indiscreet and make me glad they're not helping at dd's school. Some people have no idea and more schools should be explicit about confidentiality- signing an agreement is an excellent idea.

culturemulcher · 04/05/2012 18:58

Second everything scotch said.

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