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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have asked these people to sit somewhere else?

347 replies

musicposy · 03/05/2012 23:30

I honestly don't know if I was or not, so any opinions welcomed, and I will suck it up if I was Grin

I work for a music examining board and we are at the time when I have to collate all the exam entries. It's part time, seasonal work, but when it comes in, it is hours of work to a very tight deadline.

I took the DDs up ice skating this morning. The really needed not to miss it as DD2 has a couple of competitions coming up. But I really needed to work. So I sat in the leisure centre coffee shop with a coffee at a big table, spread out all my paperwork and got on with it. It was pretty early morning so the place was virtually deserted, masses of empty tables and just a handful of other people there.

Halfway through some complicated adding up (it's literally thousands of numbers) a lady came and sat at my table, opposite me. I thought it was strange because mine was one of the only occupied tables and most people choose a vacant one. She kept making sniffing and sighing noises. Under normal circumstances I might have smiled or asked if she was OK, but I was trying to get this work done.

After a while she got up, got a drink of water, sat down, shuffled some of my papers over and put the drink down. She started the noises again, trying to get my attention, I think, and I did start to think at this point that she might have some sort of special needs, though you wouldn't have known looking at her. I just completely lost concentration in my adding.

About 5 minutes later a man who obviously had Downs Syndrome came over with a coffee on a tray. He said a cheery hello to me and proceeded to also sit down, putting the tray on my paperwork.

At this point I said very nicely "I'm really sorry, but would it be OK if you sat at a different table? I am really very busy."

They looked terribly hurt and got up. A lady a few tables over I then noticed was obviously looking after a whole group of people with learning difficulties. She said "sit here, you're welcome at this table, " and glared at me like you wouldn't believe. Then she sat and shot me looks for the next half hour.

I felt rotten afterwards. I know that in a different cicumstance that could be me or a family member. I really hadn't meant to upset them. But on the other hand, I was at one of the only occupied tables, I asked very nicely, and I didn't think it was unreasonable to expect to be left in peace when the place was so quiet.

So, was I being unreasonable? Did I deserve the glares?

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 03/05/2012 23:33
Hmm
Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:33

no you didnt deserve the glares and you were patient and not rude yanbu .

Original poster
musicposy · 03/05/2012 23:35

Why the Hmm, LadyBeagleEyes?

OP posts:
doinmummy · 03/05/2012 23:35

You are being a bit unreasonable,,,the skating rink isn't your office and people can sit where they like, If they had Sn they probably didn't realise you were busy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/05/2012 23:36

I don't think you were either rude or unreasonable.

ilovesooty · 03/05/2012 23:37

I think I agree with doinmummy

Are you allowed to work on exam stuff in non confidential public areas?

slowestwildebeast · 03/05/2012 23:37

I'm sorry are you being serious? You went to a public coffee shop, spread your work all over a table, then decided that nobody could sit at your table and were rude to some disabled people in the process?

hmm! YABU

Original poster
musicposy · 03/05/2012 23:38

doinmummy that's the essence of what was bothering me, I think.

I know the people themselves didn't realise. It was the woman glaring at me and giving me catsbum mouth I didn't like.

OP posts:
Kayano · 03/05/2012 23:38

I don't think the special needs is really relevant at all

Yanbu if there were other empty tables and you were polite.

It's
Like when a random sits
Next to you on a deserted bus.

Awkward!

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:38

I wouldnt have taken marking with me though but i guess it needed done , when mine were at things when they were younger id take a book and look growly i loved the peace Nobody sat next to me Grin

Popoozle · 03/05/2012 23:39

People with learning disabilities may not be able to judge social etiquette for things like this. DS1 is autistic and has very little idea about such matters (although he would be the opposite & refuse to sit at a table if a stranger was there).

Personally, I would have left them to it and quietly moved myself and all my paperwork (as troublesome as that may be) to another vacant table.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 03/05/2012 23:39

Get an office if you don't want to be disturbed!! Public place = people!!!

TastesLikePanda · 03/05/2012 23:39

I don't think ywbu - if you were polite... and as long as there were empty tables that they could have moved to.

Mrsjay · 03/05/2012 23:39

the cats bum lady probably thought you were offended by disabled people and that wasnt the case

CrispyCod · 03/05/2012 23:40

oh dear, I do feel sorry for them and hope they didn't feel too hurt by it. YANBU though as you obviously didn't realise at the time.

slowestwildebeast · 03/05/2012 23:41

I agree with Popoozle, if you go to a public place then you will be disturbed, it's a coffee shop.

Original poster
musicposy · 03/05/2012 23:41

But normally when you sit at a table and the place is empty you don't really expect people to sit there, do you? If the place is busy then obviously you would expect that you can't do what I did re: the work.

slowestwildebeast I tried really hard not to be rude to them, that's the thing. Sad

OP posts:
Popoozle · 03/05/2012 23:43

As for the lady with the glares & the cats bum mouth - I'm sorry but I think you did deserve it. It's not like she came over and ranted at you for telling people they could not sit on vacant seats at a table in a public coffee shop is it?

I'm sure I would have acted in the same way to be honest.

squeakytoy · 03/05/2012 23:43

What would you have done if the place had been busy then?

I do think that you should have done the work at home. Supposing someone had spilt coffee all over these very important papers?

slowestwildebeast · 03/05/2012 23:44

I'm sure you didn't mean to be, but you don't have much right to ask people to move as it's not 'your' table. I wouldn't sit at the table where you were doing work but I generally like to be as far away from people as possible, they obviously didn't realise.

FizzyLaces · 03/05/2012 23:44

You weren't singling the folk out because they had a disability; you were trying to get on with your work. I think you probably came across as a bit unfriendly and folk with obvious disabilities such as downs syndrome can get used to people being nice/helpful/friendly/ patronising to them all the time so would prob have been unused to someone treating them like this ie in a normal way Smile Don't sweat it, you did nothing wrong.

The only person who was out of order was the worker who was with them - you need to pick your battles carefully in frontline support work but it is such a 'low status' and low paid job that it attracts a lot of people who aren't up to the job. If she was their worker, I presume they had an assesed need for some level of support she should have stepped in and sorted.

Leftwingharpie · 03/05/2012 23:45

Yanbu you had a perfectly good reason to need the table to yourself and you were polite about it. Nothing wrong with that IMO.

TastesLikePanda · 03/05/2012 23:45

Yeah, even if somewhere is really busy, I wouldn't just plonk myself on a table assuming that I would be welcome - it might just be one person sitting at a four person table, but then there might be three other people just collecting their drinks and stuff and about to sit there.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/05/2012 23:45

Fairhaired -she wasn't complaining about other people being in the cafe, she was complaining about them sitting at her table when there were plenty of other tables free.

And no, it might not have been ideal that she was working in the cafe - but sometimes you have to do something less than ideal when you are juggling children and a job. Don't be so judgy!

ilovesooty · 03/05/2012 23:45

I agree with squeaky

It doesn't sound to me like work that should have been done in public.