to have asked these people to sit somewhere else?

[musicposy]

I honestly don't know if I was or not, so any opinions welcomed, and I will suck it up if I was

I work for a music examining board and we are at the time when I have to collate all the exam entries. It's part time, seasonal work, but when it comes in, it is hours of work to a very tight deadline.

I took the DDs up ice skating this morning. The really needed not to miss it as DD2 has a couple of competitions coming up. But I really needed to work. So I sat in the leisure centre coffee shop with a coffee at a big table, spread out all my paperwork and got on with it. It was pretty early morning so the place was virtually deserted, masses of empty tables and just a handful of other people there.

Halfway through some complicated adding up (it's literally thousands of numbers) a lady came and sat at my table, opposite me. I thought it was strange because mine was one of the only occupied tables and most people choose a vacant one. She kept making sniffing and sighing noises. Under normal circumstances I might have smiled or asked if she was OK, but I was trying to get this work done.

After a while she got up, got a drink of water, sat down, shuffled some of my papers over and put the drink down. She started the noises again, trying to get my attention, I think, and I did start to think at this point that she might have some sort of special needs, though you wouldn't have known looking at her. I just completely lost concentration in my adding.

About 5 minutes later a man who obviously had Downs Syndrome came over with a coffee on a tray. He said a cheery hello to me and proceeded to also sit down, putting the tray on my paperwork.

At this point I said very nicely "I'm really sorry, but would it be OK if you sat at a different table? I am really very busy."

They looked terribly hurt and got up. A lady a few tables over I then noticed was obviously looking after a whole group of people with learning difficulties. She said "sit here, you're welcome at this table, " and glared at me like you wouldn't believe. Then she sat and shot me looks for the next half hour.

I felt rotten afterwards. I know that in a different cicumstance that could be me or a family member. I really hadn't meant to upset them. But on the other hand, I was at one of the only occupied tables, I asked very nicely, and I didn't think it was unreasonable to expect to be left in peace when the place was so quiet.

So, was I being unreasonable? Did I deserve the glares?

oh dear ring

She's probably catbumlady because she gets shit from the general public all the time. I know I do, which means my tolerance for people getting arsey when my son does something socially incorrect (but not actually harmful) is pretty low.

Whilst I don't think asking the 2 people to move was particularly bad I'm not that surprised it was received badly and I think YABU for not cutting the worker some slack - she was just sticking up for her group members. And I still think it's odd to be working on things to do with exams in public. Even if it's just names and addresses.

I'm only basically working out the timings and adding up the entry fees for music exams, saintlyjims, so there's nothing confidential. No names of anyone who has entered or anything, just lots and lots of numbers. It sounds simpler than and it is, though, the damn thing rarely balances first time

I think ywbu (sorry ). You can't really expect to use a coffee shop as an office. That isn't your call. Other people can sit wherever they want, they're paying customers. Yes, if I walked in i'd probably sit at another table (I don't like to sit with strangers anyhow), but if the place was crowded i'd sit at your table. I see your point, but it's a public place and people can sit where they like. They obviously weren't deliberately trying to piss you off.

Surely if people with SN are in a public place with a carer it's the carer's responsibility to stop them making pests of themselves? Just as, if you have small DC and you take them out in public, you don't allow them to go and climb all over a total stranger or touch other people's belongings and just expect the stranger to accept it because they're 'only children'.

They were sitting at a table sgb - that's hardly making a pest of themselves (and moved when told to).

Presumably the carer didn't realise the OP was working, or she would have told them to move.

"it's the carer's responsibility to stop them making pests of themselves?" Lovely! Disabled people are not 'pests' nor are they children. My god, they were going about their life, like we all do, except they live in an intolerant judgemental non-inclusive society.

But they came to sit at the OP's table when there were plenty of other empty tables. That's rude and intrusive - it's basic good manners to avoid occupied tables when there are vacant ones. And the OP says that the woman who sat at the table kept sniffing and touching the OP's paperwork. I appreciate that having SN often means you don't understand social rules, but that's why you have a carer with you, to stop you annoying other people. Even if the OP had just been sitting having a drink and reading Take A Break, that doesn't mean she has to put up with people sitting at her table when there is plenty of room elsewhere and bothering her when she doesn't want conversation.

Thing is, the lady doesn't know all the background does she?

All she saw was the OP asking a couple of people with SN to not sit with her.

Don't use coffee shops as offices, it doesn't work, I have tried.

YANBU, they were NBU, the catsbum lady was NBU.

Just everyone got it a little wrong in this social interaction.

I wouldn't sweat it too much.

But they were pestering the OP, just like children sometimes 'going about their lives' pester strangers. They came and sat at her table without asking when there were vacant tables elsewhere, and behaved in ways that demanded attention she didn't want to give. WHile people shouldn't be rude and hostile to those with SN they are under no obligation to indulge them when they are busy, either.

Solid that's probably the most ridiculous comment on here I've read in a while. Way to put the disabled people's movement back a decade or two!

Full inclusion, as long as you're not one of those irritating typed of disabled people.

It's not rude and intrusive if they they dont know any better. Pests? lovely.

I don't think you deserved smack cats bum glares at all & I'm surprised some other do

its got NOTHING at all to do with SN OR whether or not you using a table as a makeshift office space, there were lots of empty tables & they chose to sit with you & move your stuff in order to do so -

I'm not complaining about the SN people here at all, they won't be able to judge the situation well & your table covered in papers & you with your head down would look far more interesting than an empty table to them :)

BUT whoever was their carer for the day WOULD have been able to judge & should have guided them away from bothering you, when with a room full of empty tables there was no need - the caer who glared at you IMHO was totally in the wrong -

our friend used to care for SN adults in her home & I know she would of acted in the best interest of her mindees, which would be to NOT presume that a lady sat alone & obviously working at the only occupied table would be happy for company -

no YADNBU!!

maybe put them in a separate room, or you could be in your own room so that nobody irritates and pesters you superbly important life!

But the OP says that it starts to get busy, so they may be usually there when it fills up. Perhaps the tables are located in a place that is accessable for the toilets.

It's important to give as much independance as possible, it sounds as though the helper was doing that. Ideally she shouldn't have carried on being annoyed, but she probably misinterprited the OP's motive.

As for being a support worker an easy job to get, well not in this climate, i know SW's, teacher and nurses who are taking support work, to fill in between temp jobs. Them days are gone.

I agree with kayano. YANBU.

I meet many people who huff and puff when my son makes the slightest social faux pas (usually standing in the wrong place in the queue does it). I ignore them.

Maybe the carer didn't notice because she was helping someone else when the first two came out, maybe she didn't realise the OP was working (I presume she didn't as had she- then she would have suggested to them to move), maybe she didn't realise one person was committing the grand crime of sniffing. To be frank if ds1 sniffed next to someone I wouldn't notice (I would notice if he was sniffing them but not if he sniffed a few times).

I pretty much agree with morloth.

Do you think that small children should be allowed to pester random adults who are obviously busy? I don't. Doesn't mean I think small children should be locked away, just that a person sitting quietly and engaged in his/her own affairs in a public place where there are loads of empty tables should not have to accept being disturbed by other people who either can't observe social customs (due to being small children or adults with SN) or who are rude and weird.

slowestwildebeast that is unfair. I've never for one minute suggested they shouldn't have been there. I was just wondering if the whole thing could have been handled better, on both my side and the care workers.

Solidgoldbrass will you please stop comparing adults with learning disabilities to children. And using the word pester. You're doing something shocking to my blood pressure.

They sat in the wrong place. Big deal. They moved when asked.

I'm struggling to see the 'pestering'.

Yes perhaps the carer could have asked them to move. Presumably she would have had had she realised the OP was working. Presumably she didn't realise that two people sitting at a table in a cafe with someone else was pestering.

If she arrived late she might not even have realised who sat down first.

musicposy - the mistake you made was trying to do work that needs that much concentration in a public space. Many things could have distracted you. I think you just have to accept that if you're going to try and do that sort of work in public you are going to get distracted and if you don't want to be keep it for home.

solidgold, adults with learning disabilities aren't small children.

OP I wasn't aiming my comments at you, I know you didn't say they shouldn't have been there, I'm sure you weren't rude, I said YABU to do work in a public place and expect that nobody would bother you.

musicposy - the mistake you made was trying to do work that needs that much concentration in a public space.

I think you are probably right. it was fairly pointless in the end anyway because some of the numbers added up wrong with all the distraction and I only had to do most of it again later.

Oh I sympathise as I have mountains of work that I could do at any time and would be tempted to snatch that sort of time to do something. But it doesn't really work and I think it's probably better just to grab a coffee and a paper and have a chat with people really. Otherwise you just end up being irritated by people going about their day to day business which is unreasonable really.