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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to change tampon etc in front of DD (2.10)?

315 replies

PatButchersEarring · 03/05/2012 08:25

Genuine question. DD has recently started asking me 'why I'm putting that up my bottom!', and I'm struggling to explain in an age appropriate way what it is I'm doing.

I mentioned this to DP last night, and his response was that I shouldn't really be changing sanitary wear in front of her if I can possibly help it.

I mean, it's not like I frog march her to the bathroom to witness the magic of my menstruation-but if she's trailing after me chatting etc, I just get on with it and do what I have to do in her presence.

AIBU to be doing this in front of her?

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 03/05/2012 11:44

I grew up in an Irish catholic family where periods were NEVER mentioned - I had to learn about them from my older sisters.

My mum couldn't even say the word 'period.' Iif she absolutely had to talk about them she'd call them 'the monthlies.'

I did not have the first clue what I was I meant to do with a Lillet - and I was way too embarrassed to buy towels so for my first two periods I just stuffed my knickers with loo paper - until one of my sister's saw a stain in my jeans and helped me out.

The sooner you talk to kids about it the better in my view.

TheSockPuppet · 03/05/2012 11:44

*getting dressed

Ephiny · 03/05/2012 11:47

I don't care what anyone else does, but it's a bit annoying that not wanting an audience (especially a curious small child audience!) when doing personal things (going to the loo, changing tampon/pad, taking a shower, getting undressed etc) is being interpreted as being 'ashamed' or 'repulsed' by these things. Why is it so bad to want a bit of privacy for a few minutes a day? Just a personal preference, surely?

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 03/05/2012 11:48

What's all thus concern about not letting your kids see you naked? WTAF???

Bue · 03/05/2012 11:48

I've seen my mother change tampons more times than I can count! At age 3... 15... 21... It really never bothered either of us.

SuzySheepSmellsNice · 03/05/2012 11:48

*this (stupid phone)

DontHaveAtv · 03/05/2012 11:49

Ive done it before in front of my kids. They're that used to it I can't remember them ever asking me what it is.
My mum and sister used to in front of me when I was little and its just normal to me.
Its not for everyone but I don't think it should be frowned upon.

Ephiny · 03/05/2012 11:50

I can see there are different ways of doing things in different families, and other people's way might seem odd. I was a bit to discover on here that apparently lots of families just go around naked when they're at home, and turn the heating up instead of having clothes on. Seems bizarre to me as that's not how I was brought up or how I choose to live myself, but it's not really any of my business what other people do in their own homes.

And if I prefer to close the bathroom door while I change my tampon, I don't see why other people have such a big problem with that.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 11:50

you don't find it at all interesting that all your personal privacy preferences relate to natural bodily functions, though?

MordecaiAndTheRigbys · 03/05/2012 11:51

Nancy I grew up in an equally Irish catholic family where this type of thing was not publicised and I managed to grow up knowing what sanitary products were, without any notion that these were dirty or shameful and have been able to advise and guide my children that their bodies and their functions are beautiful and natural, but also private.

maxcliffordslovechild · 03/05/2012 11:52

I was about 7 when I found my big sisters STs, she told me they were for absorbing fat and that you stuck them on your body, cue for me to steal and stick them all over me ( i was a bit chubby), she battered me. Eventually found out from the nurses chat at school what they were for! I am far more honest with DD9 and she has seen me change pads and seen my mooncup. We had the chat at about 7 when she told everyone i wee myself and wear nappies

babylann · 03/05/2012 11:55

Yanbu imo. DD is almost 2 and comes to the toilet with me all day, I'm a SAHM in a new house we haven't 100% baby proofed yet so I don't want to leave her on her own. We intend to raise her in a very open way, she watches me get changed and sees my body, periods are just part of my body abd the earlier she learns the better, I remember being quite concerned and anxious when I first learned about them, probably was about 8 or so, and that was probably reflected in the fact that I was terribly ashamed and scared when I finally got my first one.

Firawla · 03/05/2012 11:56

im with graham i dont let my kids come in when i'm in the bathroom, just go in and lock the door - its not like im gonna be so long that they will be unattended for dangerous amount of time!!
if i was on my period then even moreso, i wouldnt let them come in.
i just value my privacy and i dont see the need for it. they will learn about these topics later at some point, dont see how it will enhance their life to know when they are toddlers
i would rather teach them that anything done in the bathroom is private, am amazed people dont naturally have this sense but i have had to tell off relatives for trying to go in and talk to my ds on the toilet - i mean wtf just f off and stop looking at him having a wee,its not necessary or needed!!!!!!! obviously if they need help to clean themselves then fine.
i just dont get why people think nakedness and invasion of privacy is something to celebrate.

wigglesrock · 03/05/2012 11:56

See, I grew up in the same type of family, but my Mum thought it was a bit was silly that she would have to whisper the word period etc to her own daughters. When I first joined MN I had to ask someone what AF meant , finally the penny dropped, you mean a period?

TalHotBlond · 03/05/2012 11:56

I'm naked in front of my sons, I use the bathroom in front of them, shower in front of them and would change my sanitary wear in front of them as my mother did with me. Bodies are nothing to be ashamed of.

Ephiny · 03/05/2012 11:58

I find it quite normal and to be expected that many of my preferences for privacy relate to certain parts of the body, and their natural functions.

Honestly didn't realise it was so unusual or strange to feel a bit more private about your breasts or vulva, for example, than your elbow. I thought it was quite a prevalent cultural norm, hence why we have cubicles in public bathrooms, cover certain body parts with clothing in public etc.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 11:59

but your examples relate to public display, not private. it's my arse or my elbow when i'm in my home... who cares?

and tbh for the most part we clothe ourselves for heat, wouldn't you say? rather than because we are scared of the sight of our own flesh?

GrahamTribe · 03/05/2012 12:02

"iit's undignified to change your tampon?!

that's so fucked up."

And where exactly, did I or anyone else say that?

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 12:04

"GrahamTribe Thu 03-May-12 11:33:00
I think you'll find that Worra was "hoo-haa" in a joking way, gnushoes. And it isn't about "secrecy", it's about privacy and dignity. Some things I just don't want an audience for and going to the washroom, for whatever reason, is one of them. Believe me I find your way of doing things just as odd as you appear to find mine. "

Bumdrop · 03/05/2012 12:07

Amazed at how many people are into moon ups

TheRhubarb · 03/05/2012 12:07

Yes privacy is important too and if I wanted privacy I can use the lock on the bathroom door. However I've had to get out of my lovely warm bath many a time because ds must time his MUST HAVE wees and poos just as I get in

I can have privacy if I want it. The reason I sometimes change in front of them is deliberate now. I want them to know about periods and I want them to see it so that they don't have an unrealistic image in their heads or think that it is in any way something to be ashamed of.

In the same way that I am very open with them about sex, because I don't want them to think that mummy and daddy only did it twice, there's nothing wrong with an older couple (even your parents) having sex. It happens and there is no point in pretending otherwise.

Ok, it's probably a bit much to have the kids there whilst you have sex. But periods happen, you don't have much of a choice with that, it's a natural bodily function and it's important they know about periods and what you can use. Even ds. He should know so that he can support his future girlfriend and so that he understands about period pains and PMT and heavy bleeding and so on, because it's bloody embarrassing as a grown woman trying to explain to an ignorant man that yes we do have to leave this public place right now because more than just a little bit of blood has come out, and then trying to stop him calling an ambulance because he thinks it's a haemorragh!

Ephiny · 03/05/2012 12:09

Those particular examples happened to be about public places, but the same principles apply for most people (in my experience) in a private home if it's a shared house or they have guests or visitors. Even in very hot weather most people (again, in my experience, which is clearly different from some!) choose to cover their genitals, and women usually cover their breasts, both in public and most of the time at home. I don't think they're all scared of their own flesh.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 12:09

if i get an opportunity for some privacy i don't waste it on doing a shite.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 03/05/2012 12:12

if you have guests or visitors it's not really just your own home any more, so yes, i'd be wearing clothes. but wandering naked around my own house, in front of my kids, absolutely.

i do think there is an element of self-revulsion at play here, tbh.

HeartsJandJ · 03/05/2012 12:17

To those who think it is undignified and need privacy for the unmentionable act - can I just ask how in buggery you managed to get up the stick in the first place, let alone give birth?

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