to feel so desperately sad because I will never have a daugher?

[fullofregrets]

I know I should be grateful for DS and I am. Really. My longing for a daughter doesn't mean I don't love ny DS. They are two separate things.

My friend has just had a gorgeous little girl and I cannot shake off this desperately desperately sad feeling. I feel like I've lost something which is stupid because I never had it. I suppose what I'm having to say goodbye to is the dream of having a little girl which I've always had.

And I know it can't be anything as feeling as sad as people who can't have any children. I do know that logically, but my heart still hurts.

I agree with Kewcumber and Jinglemum.
I would concentrate on the ones you do have and develop your close bond. I don't believe all the nonsense about a girl all your life and a boy until they get married. They are all different. DCs take in what you do, if you have always enjoyed the company of your MIL, and seen her on your own, they take it as the norm. Of course their wife will come first but it doesn't take anything away from you. A DDs partner will come first too.

I don't believe a dd's partner comes first in quite the same way.

As a general rule

I'm glad to hear that Pandemoniaa. There's a lot of negative stuff about boys on here and it's making me sad.

Sister Christina- my DH totally comes before my Mum in every way!

some lame and cliched gender stereotypes on this thread
a son til he up's and off,and daughter forever more is clintons cards sentimentality

and maybe question why one would believe such stuff

Some very wise posts on here. I agree that you need to allow yourself your feelings and move on from them . The grass is always greener and if a son is what you have then that is how it is, you can only choose to make the most of it or not to make the most of it. Imagine, God forbid, that he were ill. I bet you'd get over these thoughts pretty quickly then. So it is possible and you need to do it, with help if necessary. (I have two boys, fwiw).

Sorry. Meant to bold, not strike through.

There is undoubtedly a cultural expectation that women will stay close to their mothers even after marriage.

My relationship with dh hasn't taken away anything from my relationship with my mother. We're not in each others pockets but we are still very close and in very regular contact.

But of course that's not true for everyone

And of course I agree that worrying or planning for the future is futile. It's absolutely true that all you can do is pour love into your children and then let them be what they will be.

My dd could easily choose to live on the other side of the world, or just not be the keeping in contact type. So I try not to have expectations either way. Someone once told me that most of human pain is caused by nothing more than the difference between expectations and reality, and I've really held onto that

I've got three daughters, but I never wanted a girl or a boy. I just wanted a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child. I had a missed miscarriage the December before last and unexpectedly fell pregnant very quickly and truthfully didn't give a monkeys chuff about male/female. I just wanted alive. And thankfully thats what we got. The fact that she's our third daughter is utterly irrelevant. She's our child. I don't get the 'want a girl' or 'want a boy' or 'want one of each' and don't really understand why it matters. The only 'preference' I understand is the preference for a healthy baby.

Well said peanut butter. I am a mother of two who has been pregnant five times and I couldn't have put it better.

Interesting thread. As the mother of two utterly gorgeous boys I do think there is a huge girl preference in the UK now and it is desperately sad.

I would agree with all those posters who have noted the awful tedious boy stereotypes that are constantly perpetuated on this thread and also echo those who say they are taking a pride in bringing up the next generation of amazing husbands/partners.

My dh is an incredible husband and father and a wonderful role model to our boys and whoever they fall in love with/settle down with will be lucky to have them in their lives (says the incredibly biased mother !).

I think this demonising of boys is an utter tragedy (not saying this is what the OP is doing but have not once read a thread on MN from a mum devastated she's having a daughter ) and serves no purpose - let's celebrate our children and move away from the shitty gender divide of princesses and monsters that is being forced on us by the marketeers.

constantly perpetuated on MN I meant!

The reason I wanted girls is because I prefer the company of women. I like the way women think. I like female conversation, I love discussing feminine issues (childbirth/male crushes/hormones you get the gist). Frankly I'm a femophile (made up word) .

I've never really known any amazing, good strong men. Father, grandfathers, brothers, cousins, uncles, friends all weak and disappointing. DH is kind and caring but I generally find his conversation and company a little tedious. I love my DS but I don't really 'get' him. If I spend too much time in male company I miss women.

That's why I wanted daughters. Absolutely nothing to do with pink.

I love the company of women too, I have loads of female friends - don't feel I'm missing out at all.

You've been very unlucky with men. I have lots of men in my life whom I love very much including my husband, my two brothers, my dad, my FIL, and many of my friends' husbands.

And my boys of course .

I've never really known any amazing, good strong women. Mother, grandmother, sisters, cousins, aunts, friends all weak and disappointing. DW is kind and caring but I generally find her conversation and company a little tedious. I love my DD but I don't really 'get' her. If I spend too much time in female company I miss men.

What would we all think about a man that posted that?

But it's only the opposite of what dainty said. It's very odd, the prevailing anti-men bias in this country.

There are some of us out there who have a preference for boys oliandjoesmum. I have always wanted a boy and have never imagined myself having a girl - to the extent that I had a boys name picked out for years before ttc, but no girls name. I was very pleased to get my boy! If I don't end up having another child I will not regret not having a girl.

I have been unlucky with men. I know objectively that women definitely don't have a monopoly on 'good'.
The heart wants what it wants though.
I know women who never wanted daughters because of their own toxic relationships with female relatives.
I guess we are all products of our own experiences.

But Ilove, you can choose your friends and your partner, you can't choose your children.

I do feel so sad for these boys being brought up by women who just see them as a crushing disappointment and second prize in the lottery . Bletchley, I agree, I don't get it, I really don't . I'm incredibly proud of my boys and even at such a young age they are chatty, friendly and great company, no different from my friends little girls except less complicated with their friendships.

Bletchley I suspect lots of men feel like that

In all seriousness I would feel sad for a man who felt like that because I understand.

In some families there are toxic situations, in my family there seems to be a problem with addiction where the male members suffer from alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling addiction and depression. There is domestic violence and sexual abuse.

I suspect it's possible similar things could occur in female relatives?

Believe me I know the problem is mine. I don't know how to change my mindset

I kind of think that parents with a strong gender bias ought to get a puppy instead. You've a 50% chance of getting the 'wrong type' so don't have a baby unless you're not too fussed what you end up with.

Maybe they do, dainty, yes, I agree.

But it wouldn't be acceptable for them to say so, whereas somehow it is more acceptable for women to do so. Sometimes I think it is because everyone knows that really men are still the one in control in our society the same way "nice" (whatever that means) people might criticise white people but never Muslims or Jews.

We have four DS. For me, that is two DSS and two DS. I love the very fibre of their being. I would never change them or swop them. I have no PND. I have no pink fantasies that are unfulfilled. DSS1 will shop with me. DS2 will wear the prettiest skirt and wings. DS1 and I will have the most intimate of conversations. DSS2 loves art and reading, just like me. I play football, climb mountains and love technology.

but as my DH says I just don't speak boy. Their conversations consist of trading facts, they have to be taught about body language/tone of voice and they are evolutionarily programmed to instil hierarchy in their pack.

To try and explain what it feels like to me. They speak boy. I once spoke girl, and now speak adult. I live in this country, boy, and I love it, I choose to live here. Hell, I'm thinking of getting dual nationality. But I wish I was part of an expat community. One where I could just relax and enjoy the cultural norms I grew up with.

fullof YADNU. I mourn that I never had a DD. it makes me sad. It brings a tear to my eye that the only childhood dream I never fulfilled was my DD. I am not ashamed. It doesn't make me a bad mother and it certainly does not diminish those amazing boys who will become princes amongst men. I do not want to change it.

But I now await the arrival of female friends, GF, DWs, and DGD. I save a place for them at my table.

Thank you for the thread. MrsD and the other posters who just touched my heart I salute you, your DSs and the DDs of your souls.

I'm sorry you feel that way but I must admit I don't really get it.

I had a dd first and I was glad because I was one of 5 sisters and had zero experience with boys. My dd though is not a girly girl at all, never played with dolls, bit of a science/anime geek, just her. Have no clue if this is nature or nurture but meh, actually my very superficial sister has a girl and although she did all the dancing and polly pocket stuff, she was still happiest rolling in mud and having a fine old time as a small child.

Had a boy next time and then another boy, took me about oooh 5 seconds to realise that parenting a boy is well exactly the same as parenting a girl. Maybe it's the fact that shopping and fashion etc are not high on my agenda, as football and typical male pursuits are not high on dp's agenda.

Do people actually worry about grandchildren and weddings and what not when their children are small? I always thought that the parents planning/anticipating a whole life for children was a myth, fgs who knows what the future brings.