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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DD off school tomorrow just because I want to take her to see my Mum?

239 replies

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 01/05/2012 22:24

She's 7 and in year three. My Mum hasn't been well but is better now...she's had a run of crap luck and her car is now off the road. It MAY be fixable or not and I know she wont be able to afford another one really. It's her birthday tomorrow (mums) and I am planning to go on the train with DD aged 4 tto visit her...take a present etc...I know Mum will like this.

I want, I have just decided to take DD1 aswell. Mainly because Mum will like this and because DD will like it. We rarely go there as I dont drive and Mum hasnt been here for about 3 weeks...not long...but it is when you're 7 and haven't seen your Gran in ages....and you're used to seeing her three times a week.

AIBU to give DD the day off and take her to see Mum instead? She's probably had about 4 or 5 days off this year through sickness.

OP posts:
DumSpiroSpero · 03/05/2012 22:33

To be fair the OP hasn't gone into any detail about what was wrong with her mum and there may be background stuff that she has chosen not to share. For me, if my mum was so unwell she couldn't get out for 3 weeks, I would consider that not unserious iykwim, based on on my personal knowledge of my mum.

It's clearly a very divisive issue that people feel strongly about, which I must admit has surprised me.

AThingInYourLife · 03/05/2012 22:36

"You know you can have a different opinion and make that point without being hurtful and offensive?"

I genuinely find the argument that children should miss school on the off chance that someone they visit that day might die suddenly to be so ridiculous that it makes me laugh.

It's one of the dumbest things I've ever read on here, and that's got fuck all to do with the reality of people dying suddenly.

Trying to pretend I'm insulting people who've lost family members suddenly rather than giggling at eejits coming up with ludicrous reasons why children should go and see their grandmother on one day rather than another is po-faced shite.

brdgrl · 03/05/2012 22:39

I'm an A level teacher and it's always really clear who is going to achieve their potential and it's nothing to do with ability but everything to do with attitude. Students tend to be in either every day or they regularly miss lessons...they just don't get it because they come from families where absence from school is normal and even encouraged.

Yes, yes, everyone who chooses to allow their kids to miss a day of school is setting them on the path to failure... Hmm

My DSD had her GCSEs last year. She got almost all As; she had one B in English. I expect she will do very well in her A levels.

I have recently completed my PhD dissertation. I did very well in my BA and MA studies.

And yet I am one of these "shocking" parents who believes she and her husband are capable of making a judgement to occasionally take a child out of school in order to have an alternate experience.

My DH did it with his DD, my DSD, and she's doing well academically. My parents did it with me, and I have done well academically. I doubt we are so much the exception, frankly. There is no direct and absolute correlation here. Why is it so impossible to accept that parents can make good decisions that you might personally not make for your own child?

MushroomSoup · 03/05/2012 22:41

Sodthat the gap between an ofsted inspection can be anything from just over two years to five, but you're right that we try and calculate when it might come. But the key to a successful school is having the policies and the practice right all the time so the school is the most effective it can be. THAT'S what an inspection looks at. It talks to staff, parents and children, it looks at policies and checks if they're followed in practice, it looks at 3 years+ of data and looks at teachers teaching as well as looking at the work in exercise books.
You can't just change what you're doing because an inspection is due! I won't post Ofsted related stuff again because it's not right on this thread and anyway IT'S BORING!!!

redwineformethanks · 03/05/2012 22:42

I'm very surprised so many people on here think it's OK to take children out of school for no good reason. Yes it's fun to have family time, days with your granny etc, we all get that, but there's no justification for doing it during term time just on a whim. It sets a terrible precedent for the child, thinking that (1) education doesn't matter if you get a better offer and (2) it's OK to break rules if they don't suit what you want to do

brdgrl · 03/05/2012 22:46

I genuinely find the argument that children should miss school on the off chance that someone they visit that day might die suddenly to be so ridiculous that it makes me laugh.

I don't find it the most convincing argument, myself - although I do think there is something to it. But actually, the point is that families have unique circumstances and no one is better suited to making those judgements that the parents involved. My DSCs lost their mum. The rest of their extended family live far enough away that a term time visit really necessitates missing at least one day of school. Do I think that maintaining ties with their remaining family is important enough that we might occasionally miss a day, in term, in order to attend a family event? Hell, yes!!

DumSpiroSpero · 03/05/2012 23:11

AThingInYourLife

You may well find it funny, I can assure you that those people who are particularly aware of and sensitive to the 'here one minute, gone the next' nature of life absolutely do not.

I'm sure you wouldn't find people who have genuine (but just as irrational) phobias/anxieties about flying, spiders, water etc 'hilarious' so why you think people who have a had a particularly distressing experience/s regarding the death of a loved one so entertaining is quite beyond me.

It is a hideous thing to have to cope with, even second hand.

BerryCheesecake · 03/05/2012 23:13

Take her! Ring in, say she's Unwell and just go for it!

BBQJuly · 03/05/2012 23:16

Yeah, just lie Hmm

BlackholesAndRevelations · 03/05/2012 23:24

This is my first post ever on mumsnet (hi!)

YABU. I'm a teacher and it drives me mad when people tell us their kid was ill, only for the child to tell us that they went out for the day. It's bad enough lying, but to expect a child to lie too?!

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/05/2012 07:52

Now I've read the whole thread (must read whole threads in future!) and see that OP didn't take her out of school after all. I think in exceptional circumstances it would be ok to book a day's hol (70th birthday party, etc etc) but having taught children in year 1 who had days off here and there for reasons other than illness, I've seen how it sets them back and how much they actually miss. To the poster who said some times tables and a read would cover a day of school, er, really?! Are you one of those people who thinks of school as an unpaid babysitter?!

imnotmymum · 04/05/2012 07:59

" To the poster who said some times tables and a read would cover a day of school, er, really?! Are you one of those people who thinks of school as an unpaid babysitter?!" Think that refers to me and no I do not think of school as an unpaid babysitter and am heavily involved in education and a uni lecturer teaching education. I was referring to the fact that with one day off if you cover something the child they will not miss out on too much at that age . I too have taught at primary level so I think I am qualified to say this.Please do not make assumptions about me. Also what would be the difference between a 70th and a 56th birthday to justify a day off ??

Floggingmolly · 04/05/2012 09:41

What would be the difference between a 70th and a 56th birthday to justify a day off?
Compare the statistical likelihood of "dying suddenly" between the two. As it seems to be preoccupying the thoughts of certain people on this thread, and we don't even know how old the op's mother actually is. She could be 45.

belfaft1981 · 04/05/2012 14:31

Thanks dum and sod that.

redwineformethanks · 04/05/2012 17:21

For interest..........do the people who think it's OK to take a day off school if you fancy a day trip also think it's OK for adults to take a day off work if they don't fancy going in? If you think it's different, then in what way is it different? A lot of the same arguments ("It's only one day") still apply, but I'd be surprised if many people thought that would be OK

HopeForTheBest · 04/05/2012 17:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

ImperialBlether · 04/05/2012 19:51

If it's an event, an experience, even a holiday, then maybe. But for crying out loud, going to see your grandmother when you see her all the time isn't the same.

Vessel · 04/05/2012 20:40

IMO people who tell you not to ABU - she's not gonna miss bloody rocket science at that age, is she? It's not the same as a teenager playing truant ffs.

ImperialBlether · 05/05/2012 09:45

So, Vessel, if someone wanted to take their child to visit their grandmother once a week, would you say that was okay? None of it is rocket science - it's a junior school ffs. How often would you say it was reasonable to take a child away from school?

WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill · 05/05/2012 09:50

So you'd be happy to ring your boss and say sorry I can't come in to day I fancy visiting my gran...? Thought not

difficultpickle · 05/05/2012 09:53

I think you'd need to call your employer and say that you're taking the day to visit gran but still expect to be paid!

Vessel · 05/05/2012 11:41

once a week?? obviously not...sigh.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/05/2012 12:48

Vessel- exactly the kind of argument that irritates me. No she may not be missing "rocket science" but all rocket scientists started somewhere. We teach the basics in primary on which the rest of her education will depend. She might miss the beginning if a new topic, she might miss a writing stimulus on which a couple of weeks' literacy will be based. She may take ages to fully catch up.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 05/05/2012 12:50

And you'd be amazed the difference it makes to a child's confidence when they've missed some school.

AmberLeaf · 05/05/2012 12:54

Bloody hell, why are you still going on and on?

You do know the OP didnt take her daughter out of school that day dont you?