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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DD off school tomorrow just because I want to take her to see my Mum?

239 replies

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 01/05/2012 22:24

She's 7 and in year three. My Mum hasn't been well but is better now...she's had a run of crap luck and her car is now off the road. It MAY be fixable or not and I know she wont be able to afford another one really. It's her birthday tomorrow (mums) and I am planning to go on the train with DD aged 4 tto visit her...take a present etc...I know Mum will like this.

I want, I have just decided to take DD1 aswell. Mainly because Mum will like this and because DD will like it. We rarely go there as I dont drive and Mum hasnt been here for about 3 weeks...not long...but it is when you're 7 and haven't seen your Gran in ages....and you're used to seeing her three times a week.

AIBU to give DD the day off and take her to see Mum instead? She's probably had about 4 or 5 days off this year through sickness.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 17:45

It's not about the learning missed in one day off, it's about sending the message that it's fine to take a day off on a whim for a really lame excuse.

And the OP's DD has already had 5 days off already.

Although saying that, I missed being taught long division at school for a family holiday, and I never felt I got it properly despite being very good at maths (1st class degree), so one day could have a big impact if something important is missed.

SodThat · 02/05/2012 17:45

oh and how do you know that the same people who take their children to see gran during term time are judging the schools on the ofsted report??

Is there some data on this?

As for Ofsted, we all know fully well, how much effort goes into an inspection just prior to an inspection. More unannounced inspections would give a much fairer indication on how a school is performing. Why announce in the first place? So that schools can get their shit together and fast! Grin

Floggingmolly · 02/05/2012 19:04

I talk to, read to, engage with my children an enormous amount actually, SodThat. But I don't make them miss school to do it.

SodThat · 02/05/2012 19:07

oh, that would be IMO complete overload of education FloggingMolly. All that AND a day at school. When does they chill????
Grin

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 19:10

The point is I think is that she is 7 not about to sit her A levels, a day off lovely and a few times tables and a read should cover a day at school. They do not cover the finer points of quantum physics before break.

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 19:31

No the point is that it's a really poor lesson to teach your child that it's fine to take a day off just because you feel like it.

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 19:36

she is 7.

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 19:42

And?

elizaregina · 02/05/2012 19:50

trixymalixy

I think dimissing ops mother - childs gm as a "lame excuse" to miss school is really really sad.

A head teacher earlier in thread did say she would offically quote rules at op but basically say go and see grandma nad have a great time.

My poor DD only has one GM and never got to see my mother. I only saw my GP's a few times.

I would really like to think that most heads - asked this - would look at child, and say .....go....and would have the common sense and personal discrection to let the parent take the child.

Op has been very honest about this - she could have claimed a sickie and done a number of things to take child out. She has shown how honest she is and how she has thought about this - in quite a lot of detail....this alone shows she is a responsible, and caring person/mother.

imnotmymum · 02/05/2012 19:54

And... I doubt she will be on a slippery slop to the benefit line as she cannot be arsed to get out of bed as her mum let her have a day off school to see her Gran. She is 7 and I doubt this will stick in her psyche forever and say sod it I am shirking all responsibility and Mum it your fault for teaching me this poor lesson. Jeremy Kyle here I come !!

HopeForTheBest · 02/05/2012 19:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on request of its author.

elizaregina · 02/05/2012 20:02

Op sounds lovley to me, worried about her mum worried about her daughters education! How anyone can try and tar her with same brush as others....

Sunscorch · 02/05/2012 20:19

For all the people who think that one day is ok to miss for a frivolous reason, where would you draw the line?

Two days? Three?
A week?
Where does it become unacceptable?

SodThat · 02/05/2012 20:27

probably at the point that the child in question starts to fall behind or struggle with schoolwork. But any decent parent would avoid going that far in the first place.

brdgrl · 02/05/2012 20:33

Where does it become unacceptable?

I would draw the line, as a parent, at the point where my child wasn't making the intellectual, emotional and academic progress that I thought she would make if she spent more time in school. It's a judgement call. That is exactly the point - as a parent, I will make that judgement. If I decide that my child's best interests are served by going to see her grandmother instead of going to school on a particular Friday, then I'll take her.

I think the question itself shows the lack of understanding of that position, though.

MushroomSoup · 02/05/2012 20:56

As a Headteacher, I said I would be understanding about a parent's right to prioritise their child's time, and I don't think it is my place to give a parent a hard time.
Didn't say that I agreed with it though.

Sunscorch · 02/05/2012 21:04

"I think the question itself shows the lack of understanding of that position, though."

I disagree, on the basis that prevention is better than a cure.
If your decision rests on seeing the effects of taking children out of school, then by definition it's too late.

As a parent, not knowing what's going to be happening in school on any given day, and not knowing when your child will be forced to miss school, then I don't see how you can justify unnecessary absences if you recognise that you can only see a detrimental effect after the fact.

elizaregina · 02/05/2012 21:06

Sunscorch

to me this ops details are not frivoulous. Friviouls to me ( I cant spell, didnt learn anything till i moved schools at 11!!!) - is taking child out to go and get hair and nails done.

Taking granddaughter to see granny, who has been ill, stranded and not around and GD has been upset...on her birthday at 7 - is not friviouls!!!!!

Infact I think its rather lovly to care for the grandma so much to want to make this a special day for her, in this day and age where the elderly are being neglected forgotton about etc....I think its lovley to make a fuss of grandma and great to teach child, grandma is VERY IMPORTANT.

not all grandmas or GP's are still with us - and some that are dont like/want to be around GC, or are damaging to them. Its not a given that every single GO will have a special relationship with the child.

That is not frivoulsus...that is very special and upholding that bond and wanting to spoil granny on her bday to me is LOVLEY AND WONDERFUL and sends a wonderful message to the child.

belive you me, there are plenty of irresposinble parents out there whose children are not doing well, who are kept off for so called " sick days" for all sorts of stupid reasons. you wouldnt know it they just lie and do what they want.

sorry mushroom, i obvioulsy misquoted you.

DumSpiroSpero · 02/05/2012 21:10

As someone who never knew her grandfathers and had lost both nanas by the age of 7, I'm totally with you Eliza.

brdgrl · 02/05/2012 21:24

I disagree, on the basis that prevention is better than a cure.
If your decision rests on seeing the effects of taking children out of school, then by definition it's too late.

Not at all. I parent based on a system of beliefs, but adjust my parenting as I see how that works out in practice. Making an observation that DD is doing less well doesn't mean it is "too late" - any more than noticing that I've gained a couple of pounds might cause me to rethink my diet means that I've made some terrible and irreversible slip into obesity.

You asked where I'd draw the line. The question suggests that there is an absolute line to be drawn, which is precisely the point - there is not.

In my case, my own parents took me out of school and that contributed to a love of learning and intellectual curiousity which has served me very well. Based on that and on my own values, I would feel very comfortable taking my DD out of school, on occasion, in order that she might experience other things.

Certainly, I would not stop doing so if she were continuing to thrive.

Floggingmolly · 02/05/2012 21:35

Erm Eliza, Granny would still be there three days later, you know? When the op, who works for herself, apparently can't get the day off work...

fluffypillow · 02/05/2012 21:43

I think you should go. It's just one day after all. No need to blow it out of all proportion.

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 21:49

And granny was there the 3 previous weekends too.......

theodorakis · 03/05/2012 03:46

brdgrl-you have said it all so beautifully.

EmmaCate · 03/05/2012 07:34

Thanks everyone who has retorted to SodThat, who should sod off IMO, on the basis of her last few posts. Apart from the Ofsted comment re. notice, which is a good one. I think most parents though would visit a school and get the vibe themselves; the report would be a back up.

'When does they chill?' (nice sentence for a home educator) - most children do actually enjoy reading & talking with their parents and I'm sure the latter wouldn't be trying to do it if it was obvious that their kid just wanted to be watching CBBC for a bit, or something.