To keep DD off school tomorrow just because I want to take her to see my Mum?

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

She's 7 and in year three. My Mum hasn't been well but is better now...she's had a run of crap luck and her car is now off the road. It MAY be fixable or not and I know she wont be able to afford another one really. It's her birthday tomorrow (mums) and I am planning to go on the train with DD aged 4 tto visit her...take a present etc...I know Mum will like this.

I want, I have just decided to take DD1 aswell. Mainly because Mum will like this and because DD will like it. We rarely go there as I dont drive and Mum hasnt been here for about 3 weeks...not long...but it is when you're 7 and haven't seen your Gran in ages....and you're used to seeing her three times a week.

AIBU to give DD the day off and take her to see Mum instead? She's probably had about 4 or 5 days off this year through sickness.

To put it into perspective do you think my boss would be happy if I said I cant come into work today, im going to visit my Gran and family is more important?

The OP has said she is working at the weekend so can't go and see her mum.

I would go, and to all those saying the child will grow up thinking its fine to skip school and will turn out to be a workshy slacker, there won't be any jobs when our kids grow up, this country is on the bones of its arse with no sign of recovery, the way things stand right now, our kids futures are doomed, whether the have the best education money can buy, go to the local comp or are home schooled.

So day out at grandma's house isn't going to wreck her life nor does it make the OP a bad person.

You asked were you being unreasonable. Then told people who said yes, you were, that they were being rude.
To me that makes you doubly unreasonable, but you probably don't care.

With attitudes like yours and a few others Kelly, yes your kids futures will be doomed. The effort you put in in life determines what you get out. Apathy pretty much determines a crap future.

Well said whale

I don't really think adult's birthdays are important, and I don't think three weeks is a long time not to see someone.

Surely when one is at school, and the younger isn't, there are plenty of times when it'd be nice to include the elder child out on a daytrip you're planning, but, you know, you cant! Because they go to school!

So, for me, I wouldn't take her. But, you're her mum. So it's up to you.

YABU. I know you said you are working at the weekend but what about Monday? It's a bank holiday so no school.

I took dd1 age 5 and in y1 and ds age 7 and in y3 out of school one day early before feb 1/2 term started to visit my Mother. We had to go by train, she lives hundreds of miles away from us, it takes 5 hours and as her birthday was on the Saturday I chose to ask permission (letter to head) to take the children out on the Friday. I felt justified as the children had not seen their Nanny for 4 months and would not see her until the summer if I did not take them myself.

When ds was in reception I also took him out of school for one day to see his Uncle who was in the area for just that day and as my Brother lives in the Channel Islands we are lucky if we see him once a year. I felt justified in doing that too, context is everything I am not sure if the op's circumstances are as exceptional as mine but I understand the urge to prioritise family when children are in Primary school at least. I do not plan holiday or family visits in term time but there are circs when it should not be ruled out entirely.

Ten sessions is a lot. Ar what point to the attendance officers get involved??

kelly

"to all those saying the child will grow up thinking its fine to skip school and will turn out to be a workshy slacker, there won't be any jobs when our kids grow up, this country is on the bones of its arse with no sign of recovery, the way things stand right now, our kids futures are doomed, whether the have the best education money can buy, go to the local comp or are home schooled."

:o

Much as I hate to admit it, you do have a point.

Op. Only you know whats right for your circumstances.
I must admit that I do feel that family is really important. I had an opportunity to go away for a week when dc were younger. It was a siblings special birthday and would give dc chance to spend time with their aunties and uncles as well as nanny who had just been diagnosed with a heart condition. Plus the opportunity to meet family who live overseas. I did it even though request was decined. So grateful I did now as my my mum passed away 18 months later.
Doing this did not make my dc think school is unimportant. They both love school and now hate missing it. In fact older one wasn't even sure she wanted to go to her nanny's funeral because she was worried about missing school.
I also think that 4 days off for sickness is not alot. In our school you cannot return for 48 hours after last bout of vomiting etc so just 2 tummy bugs would equate to that.

Hang on, didn't you say that your mum was of the "no days off, unless you're actually dead" variety?

If it was my mum I'd never hear the end of it. And it would ruin any pleasure we'd have taken in the visit as she would have been "But WHY isn't she in school? It's very important!"

well i didnt learn a single thing im my primary school! So for me it wouldnt have made much difference,

if it was me I would def for one day take her out at this age even if she was learning. however i also fully expect to be doing alot of home teaching to my daughter anyway! I will probably teach her to read, maths etc....

my mother has also passed away and didnt get to see her GC so for me, i would say granny trumps school like another poster.

Go !

what is the big deal with getting an unauthorised if they school don't agree anyway??

You have to have quite a few beforfe anyone gets involved. and i mean quite a few. mine have had unauthorised throughout their schooling . nobody said anything. it just went down on the report as unauthorised.

YABU

3 weeks is not a long time and she's already had quite a few days off.

Just make sure you know how to explain why she can have her gran's birthday off but not her's/your's/sister's etc etc

And make sure she understands this isn't going to happen every year.

And don't expect the school to be anything other than and don't expect them to do extra with her to catch her up.

Since you've been stroppy with everyone who disagrees with you this is a bit of a disingenuous AIBU.

To me, the solution would be for you to take your 4 year old today adn your husband to take your 7 year old at the weekend. No school missed, your mother gets two lovely visits instead of one and your daughters each get to be the centre of attention with their grandmother. Win win, surely?

YABVU.

well, I think YANBU. I am taking my DS1 (who is in P3) out of school on Friday, to go up to my parents (3 hours drive) with DS2. It takes advantage of the longer weekend, and he's already off on Thursday cos of the council elections. I hve decided that this makes more sense for us. Clearly, I don't do it very often (he had 2 days unauthorised in P1 to travel to mainland Europe for family christmas). My parents are elderly, and don't get to see the kids that often. I think one day out of the year isn't a crime, and it's better than lying to school and pretending he is ill. I've made it clear to DS1 that this is pretty exceptional.

"It is emphatically not the same as those parents who can't be bothered getting their kids to school or don't really care whether they go or not."

Seems basically indistinguishable to me.

There's no event today, nothing that couldn't be put off, no opportunity not to be missed.

Just "I fancy visiting my Mum, may as well bring my school-age child."

The people who can't be arsed to bring their kids to school are the ones who always have a reason why it's important they stay off.

And they believe those reasons to be valid and think the school is mean for thinking maybe the child might benefit from being at school occasionally.

"It was me ma's birthday, we hadn't seen her for 3 weeks" is what I'd expect to hear from habitual truants.

"to all those saying the child will grow up thinking its fine to skip school and will turn out to be a workshy slacker, there won't be any jobs when our kids grow up, this country is on the bones of its arse with no sign of recovery, the way things stand right now, our kids futures are doomed, whether the have the best education money can buy, go to the local comp or are home schooled."

Riiiiight, so teaching the future workforce that taking a day off on a whim is fine, that should help recovery. In fact why bother educating them at all And let's face it, it is a whim, most have said for something exceptional fine, but this isn't exceptional.

athinginyourlife I totally agree, I can't see much of a difference either.

OP - just come back to this thread, did you take her out of school or not?