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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DD off school tomorrow just because I want to take her to see my Mum?

239 replies

TheHouseOnTheCorner · 01/05/2012 22:24

She's 7 and in year three. My Mum hasn't been well but is better now...she's had a run of crap luck and her car is now off the road. It MAY be fixable or not and I know she wont be able to afford another one really. It's her birthday tomorrow (mums) and I am planning to go on the train with DD aged 4 tto visit her...take a present etc...I know Mum will like this.

I want, I have just decided to take DD1 aswell. Mainly because Mum will like this and because DD will like it. We rarely go there as I dont drive and Mum hasnt been here for about 3 weeks...not long...but it is when you're 7 and haven't seen your Gran in ages....and you're used to seeing her three times a week.

AIBU to give DD the day off and take her to see Mum instead? She's probably had about 4 or 5 days off this year through sickness.

OP posts:
LapsedPacifist · 02/05/2012 00:35

Whay is school for one day aged 7 more important than a big treat for Granny who might not be around for ever?

I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but...

2 of my oldest friends (35 years +) died in the past 2 months. They were both 55. One had cancer, and the other, well, he just couldn't face life without his wife. They left a couple of kids behind - both in their early 20s. I've known them both all their lives.

Now, while I comforted those children, crying on my shoulder at the wake after
buryring their parents, they told me that what they remembered most and what was important was the wonderful holidays they spent together, not the A levels they got at their private schools. It was the specfal occasions that mattered. The family parties and get-togethers, not the mundane everyday stuff. And school, for one day? at age 7??

Meh. and Double Meh.

brdgrl · 02/05/2012 00:38

My mum is in her eighties. If she lived near enough to take my daughter to see her on her birthday, I would do it every year. I'd also take my child out of school if there were an art exhibit or a lecture that I thought was worthwhile. Education doesn't take place only within the schools. My parents were both university professors, and our education was their highest priority. And yes, sometimes they took us out of school for family or cultural 'treats'. My four siblings and I all have university and postgraduate degrees, now, and two of us work in academia. We all have a love of learning because our parents were capable of using their discretion about how we learned.

Honestly, it is just silly. Take her and have a nice day. Get your mother to tell her some stories.

wannabeamillionaire · 02/05/2012 00:45

lap/brdgrl I agree, only because my dad has alz and he knows no one anymore. If I could bring back just one day of my mum and dad being here and my children were young (OP's daughter is 7 ) I would take her out of school for a day to see her grandmother simple

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 01:00

I would quite happily take kids out of school for a one off art exhibition, special birthday, one off special occasion, visiting a seriously unwell relative. Not some lame excuse like the OPs. The weekend is for visiting family.

LapsedPacifist · 02/05/2012 01:04

brdgirl,

My parents took us out of school to see the Tutunkhamoun and the Jade Chinese Princess exhibitions at the BM exhibition in the 1970s. 2-day trips every time. This was a Grammar school too. Our teachers were delighted we went. I had to give a talk about the exhibitions. Why can't we do this now?

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 02/05/2012 01:09

YABU - Why don't you take both children at the weekend? I think it is sending a school is optional message that sets a bad example for life. Your DD has already had quite a few days off an may well start to fall behind.

AThingInYourLife · 02/05/2012 01:35

"send them to school when there weren't other things to do."

:o

Your kids will go far.

I can't really see why tomorrow is any kind of big deal worth pulling a child out of school for.

If time with her grandmother is more important than school, why not pull her out of school and send her to live with her gran?

Or might it be possible for a 7 year old to see plenty if her grandmother without missing school on flimsy pretexts?

This isn't a family occasion, it's just someone going to visit their mother.

thatisall · 02/05/2012 02:28

If you speak to the school and tell them Granny has been ill and dc will be going on a train and will be drawing pictures and telling the class about it the next day, they may well 'let' her have the day off.

Schools are very eager to acknowledge outside learning these days and lets be honest, most of us drive everywhere so a trip on the train is a bit exciting no?

One day aged 7 won't scupper any masters degree she has in her for the future.

Be honest with school so that you are an example of honesty for your dc. Hope your Mum is better soon

EmmaCate · 02/05/2012 03:00

For once I read the whole tread. Poor form to get personal with Worra; I think she was very objective but just didn't say what you wanted to hear.

On the whole I think YABU and you risk spoiling your child. I think this could set a bad precedent viz. not sitting GCSEs this year, but what happens when she is and wants to duck off for a relatively trivial reason? She'll have this and who knows what other 'treats' to cite as to why she should.

Last poster has good compromise; be honest with school and let them be the judge as to whether you should go.

my2centsis · 02/05/2012 03:15

I really don't get why you would make a big deal out of it tbh it's one day! Go see your mum with ur dc's and have a fab time

my2centsis · 02/05/2012 03:28

I actually think worra was just plain rude.

For someone who seems to think 1 day off school to visit gran is going to mess up this kids future is ridiculous! Especially since I seem to see her name on every thread

MushroomSoup · 02/05/2012 05:31

As a Primary Headteacher I would tell one of my mums that a birthday trip would not be authorised and will go down on the child's attendance record as unauthorised.
And then I always say "for goodness sake go, I'm not going to give you a hard time about it! You're the mum and so you make the 'mum decision' and do what's right for DC. As long as you realise that as a Head, I will take the unauthorised stance every time and with a prolonged unauthorised absence you may be fined - but hell, go and have a great time!"

DumSpiroSpero · 02/05/2012 07:13

be honest with school and let them be the judge as to whether you should go

Seriously?!

Mushroom your POV is much the same as our head teacher's. In fact I recently phoned DD's school to let them know that I'll be taking her out for the afternoon session at the end of June as we're going to London for the weekend. The school secretary actually told me that if I picked her up after afternoon registration rather than at lunchtime, she won't get an absent mark at all! Grin

5madthings · 02/05/2012 07:27

i would! and ds3 who is also 7 had a day off school last week to go and stay with his grandma Shock he went with dp who was running the london marathon, they travelled up on the fri after school, went into london on the sat (dp had to collect his marathon pack) and had a look round some sights, then ds3 and grandma watched the marathon on sunday and they drove back on monday missing school!

we explained to the school who were fine, ds3 took dps marathon medal in with him to school on the tuesday to show the class and talk about his wkend in show and tell :)

buttonmoon78 · 02/05/2012 07:36

What worra said.

I think the issue is really what constitutes a good reason. Mine have missed school for illness (maybe 1/2 days per year but I have hardy children Wink), funerals (2 this year - but that's unusual), weddings (2 within the last 4 years) and 3 days after the Easter hols as we were on a charity trip abroad. All exceptional circs. All authorised bar the weddings.

Granny's birthday doesn't make the grade. In my opinion anyway.

And yes, I do observe the 24 hour rule. I'm furious when other people take their dcs in when they've been sick during the night.

buttonmoon78 · 02/05/2012 07:38

Glad the 'no of times your allowed to post in any one day' police is here 2cents!

trixymalixy · 02/05/2012 07:44

5madthings, but your DC was going to see his Dad run the London marathon , that's a bit special and he had something to show the class for it, it wasn't just a trip to see his gran.

I'm struggling to see where worraliberty has been rude. Disagreeing with an OP does not make you rude, and posting prolifically doesn't make your opinion less valid.

Mrsrobertduvall · 02/05/2012 07:51

I agree with worra.
You have a bank holiday weekend this week, just had Easter......and I think 4-5 days absence in a year is quite a lot.
YABU.

Northernlurker · 02/05/2012 08:12

OP - I think this is awful behaviour on your part. You set the example to your dds and by doing this you are telling her that school doesn't matter. It DOES matter. There are lots of reasons why dcs may need part of a day off or even a whole day off. Your mums birthday and because you fancy going is not one of them.

lisad123 · 02/05/2012 08:17

You go today and get dh to take dd at the weekend. Yabu, school is important and you can't ask dd to lie.
Three weeks is hardly a lifetime Hmm

AThingInYourLife · 02/05/2012 08:27

"For someone who seems to think 1 day off school to visit gran is going to mess up this kids future is ridiculous!"

I think the point is that a child taken out of school for such a flimsy reason will be missing a lot more than 1 day at school.

CurrySpice · 02/05/2012 08:28

What is your DD going to say when she goes back to school? Will she have to lie?

knowitallstrikesagain · 02/05/2012 08:33

YABU. You can go tomorrow, if DD1 is desperate to see gran, she can go at the weekend with your DH, 3 weeks or 3 weeks and two days will make no difference.

Just my opinion though

Ramekin · 02/05/2012 08:42

I would take her like a shot. Spending time with family on a special day is important to me.

DD doesn't go to school yet - we aren't in the UK and they start later here. But, I have once or twice taken her out of Kindergarten for the day when family were visiting (and taken her out for holidays too). It is absolutely fine to do that here - and I don't think that I am sending any messages to DD about Kindergarten not being important. She knows she has to go every day normally. She can't not go just because she feels like it. But I can make a decision not to send her, because I am an adult able to make a proper judgement about whether what I want to take her out for is more important.

Housewifefromheaven · 02/05/2012 08:55

I think as well that it affects the class, when someone in my year 5 ds isn't there for any reason other than illness it is seen as a "Big Thing" (mini me impression :o)

My son came home the other day and said that his friend had turned up at school at break time because he had been to his nans the day before and had got home late! We were Shock my daughter too has friends whose parents let them have afternoons off school for concerts! Double Shock!!! Its wrong, what kind of impression does it give? Oh, it's ok, feel a bit tired, got something better to do/won't go to work/school etc. You don't miss school or work UNLESS YOU ARE DEAD :o

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