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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's rude to take little girls to a wedding in bridesmaids dresses...

189 replies

Dyeingforachange · 30/04/2012 08:49

...when they aren't the actual bridesmaids? Does this rank alongside wearing women wearing white to weddings?

OP posts:
takingiteasy · 30/04/2012 08:52

I guess so. There are 1000's of pretty little girl dresses to choose from, why go for one that makes them look like they should be part of the wedding party?

However the same argument doesn't apply for boys does it? My wee boy will wear a kilt to weddings, just like the wedding party. But then so do the majority of male guests. Must just be a girl/woman thing.

GingerBlondecat · 30/04/2012 08:52

Yes it does.

toofattorun · 30/04/2012 08:53

If It's a full-on frou-frou number, then yes it is BU. Sometimes though it can be classed as a bridesmaid dress but be very plain and therefore pass as a regular dress. The same can be said for adult bridesmaid dresses. Look at the Monsoon website for example.

OlaRapaceFru · 30/04/2012 08:54

YANBU. Yes it is rude.

OTOH, if it's a dress they've already got and the parent/s couldn't afford to buy something new, I suppose it's slightly excusable - but probably better 'topped off' with a brightly coloured cardie or something.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/04/2012 08:55

YANBU. It is very rude, and stinks of a mother thinking her pfb should be the centre of attention even at someone else's wedding.

supernannyisace · 30/04/2012 08:57

Hmm.. Yes - I would say it is rude - but if the little girl in question wants to wear a really pretty party dress - then why disappoint them?

I was a bit grrr at my wedding - as nephew and xbil - who weren't part of the actual bridal party wore ties the same colour as the bm dresses. Dsis was a bm - and dressed her men accordingly. I did point it out ot her, but my subtle hints were obv too subtle...

Weddings eh. So much to consider - but after the event - really no one remembers anything much about them apart from the bride and groom!

AKissIsNotAContract · 30/04/2012 08:58

It depends how 'bridesmaidy' the dress is. If it's clearly a bridesmaid dress then yes, it's rude.

takingiteasy · 30/04/2012 08:58

I was shocked to read on another popular parenting forum that grown women didn't realise that it was, or even why it was, wrong to wear white/ivory to a wedding as an adult!

startail · 30/04/2012 08:59

Possibly tactless, but there is a lot of crossover between bridesmaids dress and OT small girls party dresses. A lot of what are sold as special occasion dresses would do both.

Also a DD might really want to wear her pretty dress again or her Mum might not want to shell out for a dress to wear once if she has an old bridesmaids dress. What ever the feminists say little girls love to be a princess for the day. For goodness sake I like putting a full length dress in and I'm 44.

If the child is deliberately dressed as a bridesmaid because her parents are huffy she wasn't asked that's rude!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/04/2012 09:20

I have seen that sort of thing happen at a few weddings before and yes I think it's rude. I've also been at a christening where guests have brought their toddler daughter along in a christening dress! Rude rude rude

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 30/04/2012 09:22

It didn't occur to me you shouldn't wear white to a wedding Shock Why would it matter, if I'm not kitted out in a proper wedding dress? Nobody's going to mistake me for the bride?

bettybat · 30/04/2012 09:25

I'm not sure I could tell the difference between this flower girl's dress, and this as a regular party dress.

I mean of course I can tell the difference but the first one is even described as either so how can you tell?

maples · 30/04/2012 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TunipTheVegemal · 30/04/2012 09:27

I'm amazed by this actually. Why does anyone care? If it was my wedding I'd think it was nice they'd made an effort and be happy the little girl had got a chance to wear a pretty dress if she liked that sort of thing; if my dd was a bridesmaid she'd be the centre of attention anyway due to her role in the wedding so I wouldn't be bothered about there being another little girl in a puffy dress.
They're kids, can't we be a bit indulgent?

FreePeaceSweet · 30/04/2012 09:32

What if your Ma goes one step further and buys the exact same dress the bridesmaids will be wearing? What if the reason she did it was because your older sister chose the dd of a woman she claims to not being able to stand as a bridesmaid but leaves her little sister out? I didn't find out I wasn't a bridesmaid til I was well into my teens. I kind of respect my mum for standing up for me as my sister is a snotty cow. She is no longer in contact with the woman (wealthy and generous and the only reason her dd was asked) and was furious that she didn't want me involved in her wedding. She didn't mind me getting up and Irish dancing to wild applause at her wedding. She ran onto the floor and hugged me. :o

margoandjerry · 30/04/2012 09:34

No. It's not rude. Who the hell cares? Everyone needs to get over themselves.

And I include the white thing in that - unless you actually turn up in a veil and try to fling yourself at the altar during the vows.

It's just a big party and a nice day for the couple. The end.

ArcticRain · 30/04/2012 09:36

People get so worked up over such minor things . Does it matter ? I got married 18 months ago . If a little girl guest wanted to wear a pretty bridesmaid dress id have thought it cute . If someone wanted to wear white , let them . I'm not that insecure .

crazygracieuk · 30/04/2012 09:37

I went to my sil wedding in a red dress and she was furious that I'd turned up in a dress that was similar, cheaper and better than her bridesmaids. Nobody told me what the bridesmaids were wearing so how was I supposed to know that red strapless dress would be off limits?
I agree that it's hard to know if a dress is aimed at bridesmaids or not. Is there a rule?

MrsHoarder · 30/04/2012 09:38

I'm struggling to think of a "bridesmaid's dress" for a little girl that couldn't be a general posh party frock otherwise. Certainly my young bridesmaid wore her bridesmaid's dress to other weddings, but really the only reason it was a bridesmaid's dress was because it tied in with the colours that the adult bridesmaid was wearing. Otherwise it was just a nice party dress.

wonkylegs · 30/04/2012 09:38

Tbh when I got married I couldn't give a stuff what anybody else was wearing... As long as nobody else had turned up with a full on wedding dress & veil on it really didn't matter (mainly because I would be worried about their sanity if they did this)
I just wanted everybody to have a brilliant day.

CreamolaFoamless · 30/04/2012 09:39

No not rude.

I agree with margoandjerry

People should wear whatever they want to wear, the 'rules' are stooopid

Original poster
Dyeingforachange · 30/04/2012 09:42

The woman planning to do this wore white to her son's wedding and there were loads of negative comments about it from other guests. Bride wasn't bothered at all.

OP posts:
firsttimemama · 30/04/2012 09:42

Jeez - i'm glad I'm not friends with any of the first few posters and the OP - Dressing a child in a pretty dress - Rude. That is the most ridiculously precious, self centered thing I've heard in a long time.

Casserole · 30/04/2012 09:42

Thank goodness for Tunip, i thought I was going mad.

"Rude" for a little girl to wear a pretty dress to a wedding? How very bizarre. Could somebody please point me to the point of delineation between A Suitable Dress and An Unsuitable Dress? I am now terrified that I will commit a faux pas and purchase A Dress of Unseemly Naiceness for my daughter to wear to her next wedding.

VodkaJelly · 30/04/2012 09:43

I wore white trouser to my sil's wedding, (pink coloured top) nobody said anything, and a white top to my friends wedding with a beige skirt. I dont understand the not wearing white rule either, unless the bride was wearing white trousers i dont think i was in any danger of being mistaken for the bride!