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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it's rude to take little girls to a wedding in bridesmaids dresses...

189 replies

Dyeingforachange · 30/04/2012 08:49

...when they aren't the actual bridesmaids? Does this rank alongside wearing women wearing white to weddings?

OP posts:
Casserole · 30/04/2012 09:44

Oh look, more rational people turned up while I was composing my post. Thank goodness for that.

lumbago · 30/04/2012 09:45

Life. Get a.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/04/2012 09:45

One of my friends got married a few months before I did, and her dd wore the dress that she wore to be a BM to my wedding. I didn't mind on that occasion because there was a sash on the dress that was the colour my friend used as her accent, and it was completely different to mine. It was obviously a bmdress though.

The reason I didn't mind was because I have boys and none of the family children are small girls, so it was fine. If my boys were girls and being BMs, or if there were other little girls that would have liked to wear a bm dress but didn't because they weren't BMs, then I would have been cross at my friend. But I think if that had been the case she would have put her dd in a different dress anyway.

EdlessAllenPoe · 30/04/2012 09:47

i'd ask before doing it, but i'd really hope they wouldn't mind, as the DDs love pretty dresses. as little kids don't really fulfill bridesmaids duties its not that important (and presumably they'd be unlikely to be in the same colour scheme as the 'real' bridesmaids?)

WhatSheSaid · 30/04/2012 09:50

At my sister's wedding there were a couple there she knew with their young daughter (aged about 7). She was dressed in a white bridesmaid-y dress.

They clearly believed their daughter should have been asked to be a bridesmaid as just after my sister and her bridesmaids has reached the front of the church they were heard hissing to their dd "Go! Up to the front! Go now!".

Their dd then ran up to the front and stood next to the bridesmaids for the duration of the service Shock. Unbelievably rude imo.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 30/04/2012 09:52

Oh my god, whatshesaid have just laughed loudly at the sheer audacity of those people! Did anyone say anything to them about it?

WhatSheSaid · 30/04/2012 09:54

Someone mentioned it to my sister afterwards, she was very gracious and said "And very welcome she was too" (about the little girl being there with the other bridesmaids). I don't think I would have been as forgiving.

Smellslikecatspee · 30/04/2012 09:54

WhatSheSaid...............OH MY GOD!!!

WOW

StealthPolarBear · 30/04/2012 09:57

My friend wore scruffy walking sandals to my wedding - she'd left her wedding shoes at home. She'd travelled from one end of the country to the other to be there, so I was just grateful she'd turned up :)

BerryMenlove · 30/04/2012 09:57

Wow, Bridezillas really do exist! Grin

Maybe because I had a very small affair when I got married and I didn't do any of the 'traditional' stuff, I just don't get it.

But honestly if all your loved ones are at one of the most important days of your life and everybody is having a lovely time, really what does it matter?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/04/2012 09:58

Wow, your sister was very gracious, she must be a much better person than me. I would have turned round and told the little girl to go back to her seat!

Original poster
Dyeingforachange · 30/04/2012 09:58

I think the people who feel it's rude believe that it's generally associated with attention seeking which is not what you should be doing on someone else's big day.

OP posts:
Groovee · 30/04/2012 09:59

When my friend got married, her cousin was deliberately dressed in the bridesmaids dress that my friend was originally buying for her flower girl. The family were in a huff that she hadn't asked her cousin to be a flower girl and so found out which dress she planned to use and bought it. My friend found out and got another dress. She said their faces were a picture when she walked down the aisle and they saw what the flower girl was wearing.

WilsonFrickett · 30/04/2012 10:02

OK, if someone deliberately goes out and buys a bridesmaid dress for a DD who isn't in the wedding party, that's just weird.

If a DD has been a bridesmaid at someone else's wedding and therefore has a beautiful (and expensive) dress hanging in her wardrobe then why not get another wear out of it?

Daisypod · 30/04/2012 10:03

Oh FFS of course it is rude. OP said nothing about a girl wearing a pretty party dress but actually wearing a bridesmaid dress. We went to a wedding a couple of years ago and DD1 (age 7) was a bridesmaid and was very excited then another girl turned up (parents were acquaintances of the bride and she had never met their DD) and the other girl was wearing what was blatantly a bridesmaid dress. DD was very upset as she had felt very special and then this other child came along and took some of that away from her, she was only 7 so sorry I believe she has the right to feel proud to be a bridesmaid.
There are certain traditions and etiquette rules that the majority of people follow as it is the polite thing to do, if you do not want to be polite fine but do not make out that others are BU to make you feel better about not bothering to show respect for others.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/04/2012 10:04

But most party dresses for little girls could also be used as bridesmaid dresses?

People are so bonkers and bridezillerish Confused

ScarlettInSpace · 30/04/2012 10:05

I really don't think it's that important, but then I'm clearly in the minority who don't think being a colour coded confirmed member of a wedding party is as important as some people do - my sister still [10 years and a divorce later!] makes sarky comments about how she wasn't a bridesmaid at my church blessing [I just had 2 small neices as flower girls, no-one was a bloody bridesmaid!]. Very silly imo, what does it matter so long as everyone looks nice and has a good time?

I think its just a 'look at me, I'm more important than you' thing, very petty.

A friend of mine told all her close friends & family what the bridal party colour scheme was and said if they wanted to dress in similar colours so they were like an extended wedding party then that would be nice.

People just seem to like to find extra stuff to stress about with weddings imo

belfaft1981 · 30/04/2012 10:05

Well my bil niece wore a bridesmaid dress to my sister's wedding. I don't think anyone minded. Sister didn't have any bridemaids anyway so I can't see why anyone would be offended. She was only 4 by the way. My dd just wore a pretty party dress but that was my choice.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 30/04/2012 10:05

Most party dresses aren't white or a variation of white though.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/04/2012 10:06

Daisy that is ridiculous, and your job as her Mum is to say 'it doesn't matter what she is wearing, you are the bridesmaid'.

Maybe it was a bridesmaid dress the other girl was wearing, from another wedding and her parents didn't want to shell out for another dress that would get only one or two outings.

Why on earth be so precious and stupid about it?

ujjayi · 30/04/2012 10:07

I don't have DDs but am aware that there is a fine line between little girl's party dress and bridesmaid attire, as others have said.

The dress per se wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. The ingratiating ones own offspring into the wedding party uninvited would have me Hmm and probably [:o] tbh.

A good friend of ours got married last year and one of the other guests repeatedly told her that his DDs were planning to sit on the top table with her during the speeches as they desperately wanted to be part of her special day but was actually because parents too pissed by that stage to supervise own kids and that would be fine, wouldn't it. Erm...that would be a no.

Original poster
Dyeingforachange · 30/04/2012 10:08

Could I point out that I'm not the bride, just interested in a friend's debate Smile

OP posts:
Abra1d · 30/04/2012 10:08

My daughter was a bridesmaid for her grandfather a few years back, aged ten. It's the first and probably only chance she has had.

She was furious when another little girl, no relation of either bride or bridegroom but a kind of step grand-daughter in law, if that makes sense, turned up in a bridesmaid dress and was in the photographs as well! I'm sure it didn't bother the elderly bridal pair one jot, though.

insancerre · 30/04/2012 10:10

I couldn't care less what other people wear. I didn't have a white dress, it was cerise and I didn't have bridesmaids either. I don't think it's rude for a child to wear a pretty dress and I don't think it's rude to wear white either. The bride is still the bride, regardless of what she is wearing or anyone else for that matter.

Daisypod · 30/04/2012 10:10

Alibabaandthe40nappies I am sorry but DD was upset, I did say that to her but she was still upset, I don't think that not wanting that for your DD is precious or stupid. BTW the bride was bloody livid as she thought that it is up to her to decide who was a bridesmaid not other guests. There were also3 other bridesmaid so not as if DD didn't want to share the limelight, just that she was proud to be asked.

Like I have said if people cannot understand that breaking etiquette is rude then maybe they are the ones with the problem