Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be miserable because he didn't bring a gift?

126 replies

Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:04

DH has been away with work for 2 weeks. They were given £500 for expenses for food/laundry. Breakfast and everything else was included. We are on a very limited budget so the plan was to use as little as possible and try and salvage a cheap but nice meal out together, when got home. He had access to lidl/aldi put there so was going to buy things to make a packed lunch.

Returned home this morning with £10 left. Fair enough, we can't afford meal out. Here's the AIBU, I'm gutted he didnt bring me a present home. Something small like a bottle of wine for us to share or a little box of chocs. Just something to acknowledge that I hold everything together whilst he is away. We have 2 small children and he is away quite a bit. I'm forever picking up the pieces when they are missing their daddy. I understand it's his job but.... AIBU?!

OP posts:
BarredfromhavingStella · 29/04/2012 13:06

Ha, YANBU . I get sweet FA when my hubby has been away either for work or hols so you're not alone.....

knackeredmother · 29/04/2012 13:06

No

GoingToThePark · 29/04/2012 13:07

Ooh you sound dead whiny.

He is away all the time he probably doesn't see it as a problem anymore.

amicissimma · 29/04/2012 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 29/04/2012 13:10

YABU

I'd be bothered if he didn't bring the children something though

I take it he did?

Sunscorch · 29/04/2012 13:13

Surely any leftovers from an expenses budget would go back to the company anyway?
And it wouldn't cover family gifts, either?

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:13

Yep. Some clogs but I asked him to get some if he saw some.

OP posts:
GoingToThePark · 29/04/2012 13:14

Yeah when I go away for work I have to give receipts for all spending and give any surplus money back.

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:14

Usually receipts are needed but not this time.

OP posts:
GoingToThePark · 29/04/2012 13:15

Take the tenner and go mad in the co op then!

Sunscorch · 29/04/2012 13:15

Usually receipts are needed but not this time.

So because you can get away with theft, it's all ok?
Interesting.

HecateTrivia · 29/04/2012 13:16

So work gave him the £500 for his expenses? and you wanted him to buy you a gift out of it?

I don't think they're really supposed to do that.

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:18

The gift could've come out of our money. He had some extra to take away with him.

OP posts:
madmouse · 29/04/2012 13:19

Is this about the physical gift or about you not feeling appreciated?

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:19

It's not the value of a gift that's bothering me, it's the lack of acknowledgement.

OP posts:
MeKathryn · 29/04/2012 13:19

YANBU even my dh got me a couple of bars of choccy and a small bottle of liquor when he was away 3 weeks in January and we aren't a gifty couple either. Mind you I have made pointed remarks about pressies, he's away now so if he doesn't bring any I'll be here moaning with you tommorrow Wink

oopslateagain · 29/04/2012 13:20

My DH goes away about 4 times a year. They are given a standard daily amount for 'subsistence' i.e. lunch, laundry etc; no receipts are needed. He regularly comes home over £100 'richer', no I don't think it's stealing, it's compensation for spending two weeks away from home away from the family.

He never brings me a gift though, I can't say I've ever even thought about it, sorry OP!

Sunscorch · 29/04/2012 13:21

The gift could've come out of our money. He had some extra to take away with him.

But then he would have had to spend more of the company's money, surely?
What about the dinner out that you were planning with the leftovers?

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:21

Spot on madmouse. It would've been lovely for him to bring back a cheap bottle of plonk. Just to say, I missed you and thanks. I got this for us to share.

OP posts:
Sunscorch · 29/04/2012 13:22

I don't think it's stealing

Well, I'm afraid that doesn't change the fact that it is.

skirt · 29/04/2012 13:22

In my industry we have to prvide receipts etc but in dh's its a per diem approach - they get a set amount and that's that.

So I think YANBU but he's not a mind reader - you have to tell him its important. I've just worked abroad the last week and didnt bring anyone anything back as it's a normal part of my job.

HecateTrivia · 29/04/2012 13:22

Then yes, if he had some of his own money and didn't think to buy you a pressie, then he's a bit thoughtless.

You should appreciate each other. He should appreciate all you do for the family, and you should appreciate all he does.

Buying one another little tokens, or doing little thoughtful things for each other is important.

I'm sure he wouldn't like it if you never did anything thoughtful for him, or showed him you appreciate him, so he shouldn't do it to you.

Original poster
Sarayu · 29/04/2012 13:23

That would've come out of our budget that we'd hopefully not spend. Can I ask what people would do if the business gave £500 and you are not asked to give it back or send in receipts? Surely then it's down to individual how they spend it? He didn't request that amount. Thats what they were all given

OP posts:
Sunscorch · 29/04/2012 13:25

That would've come out of our budget that we'd hopefully not spend.

Then I have to say I'm confused why you mentioned his expenses budget at all.
Sounds like a hasty backpedal to me.

AveragelyDisco · 29/04/2012 13:26

Sunscorch sounds like a laugh Hmm

OP- I hear ya. And yanbu