to be angry at dh

[Cazm2]

Dd is 5 weeks old suffers silent reflux so not always happy not good sleeper. I do night feeds or up with her in week. Dh went out last night to wet baby's head. Left at 7 came home at 330!!! I am fuming he was going to look after her this morning but incapable snoring muttering from alcohol and tiredness he neatly went to wee in herroom earlier. I think I am going to have to call dm to see if she can have dd for few hours whilst I sleep but feel that let's him off with resting

Why would you want him up with her this morning if you knew that he was going to be getting a drink?

I'd leave him in his pit bed & go back to bed this afternoon when he is up & capabable of looking after a baby.

I don't think you should rush to call your mother - presumably DH will be up by lunchtime - go back to bed then. And he has to make dinner tonight too.

As it was to wet the babies head and she is 5 weeks old I would say yabu but I can still understand why your annoyed.

As long as its not a regular thing then I would just accept it. He can get up with her tomorrow morning while you have a sleep

I didn't realise he was going to be smashed and out till 330 as he is tired also. So thought a couple of drinks and sensible time would be good. I am on don't know what energy to stay awake. She won't sleep on back cos of tummy so sleeps on me

Ok.... I'd just leave him and hope he had a good time assuming he doesn't go out all the time. I should point out the first time I went out after having DD and not drinking in pregnancy I got very drunk and threw up repeatedly having shown a barman a picture of my baby. Thank god DH just found it mildly amusing, put me to bed and took care of DD.

I guess I'm just saying don't get too cross as you don't know when you'll be the same.... Freedom does go to your head a bit after having a baby.

I don't think that you can make definate plans for the morning with someone you know is going to be drinking the night before. If you really needed this lie in today then you could have arranged with him not to go out til tonight.

I really do think yabu to be so angry about this. It doesn't sound like it was thought through very well by either of you tbh.

I needed sleep generally not a lie in unfortunately my 5 week old doesn't sleep through or in her crib. I did voice my concerns and yes he does go out was playing tennis when she was a week old. So he has his escape time. Just a bit of thought might have been nice.

If my DH went out to wet the babies head I'd assume he'd be no good in the morning and get on with it. Let him lie in then go and have a nap when he wakes up.

You can go back to bed when he wakes up
And he can let you stay in bed tomorrow morning
Are you breast feeding? Because if yes then feed her and pass her over to sleep on him when he's recovered and you go to bed

I think yabu, and this doesn't sound like it was planned well. Me and OH both have our free time to do other things, football, I take dance classes etc but they are completely different to going out and just relaxing - unlike tennis.

I would put this one down to experience and next time be wary that he may get drunk on a boys night out drinking. Of course it's only fair that you have your time out and away relaxing too. Make this very clear to him early on :-)

I think YANBU. This 'wet the baby's head' stuff is a load of old bollocks: I will celebrate becoming a father by spending 8 hours getting myself in such a state that I can't actually be a father .

It does sound as if you should have been clearer that you needed him up in the morning but, remembering how I felt when my first was that age, I think it's a shame he felt the need to drink like a student when he's now a father and it is very early days still.

What Vixxen said

I think DH disappearing out for that long when he has a 5wo is a bit selfish and yes I'd be annoyed as well. Manage as best you can this morning, sleep when the baby naps and then go back to bed properly when he's up and operational again.

I am up early with mine this morning as DH drank so much last night that he ended up trying to get to the bathroom via the cupboard in the bedroom FFS. Its a rare occasion that he does this and he didn't do it when the kids were !!5wos though!!

Normally I'd agree with Vixxen as well, but god the first couple of months with a new baby and I was sleep deprived I nearly went bonkers. Its all very well having your own lives and hobbies, but in the Top Trumps of life, New Baby and Sleep Deprived partner trumps night out getting pissed with the boys.

But Keema if he is sleep deprived to then surely a night off will in the long run do him good? Nothing to say op can't arrange to go out for a drink or 2 next weekend (not as easy if bf I know)

Every parent needs some "off time" and as long as its not every weekend I really don't see an issue.

Of course parents need off time. But you know if I'd done all of the night wakings during the week and my other half left me to do them on the weekend as well as he'd gone out and got pissed to the early hours I'd be hacked off.

My children are older, DH went out last night and is still snoring in bed after getting pissed - no bother.

If he'd have done it when they were 5 weeks old, I would have killed him

YANBU, my DS is 12 months and I still find myself looking forward to the weekend so I can get a couple of hours of uninterrupted rest time. If this was postp

Sorry, on phone.

If it was postponed because DH had got pissed knowing he was supposed to get up with the baby in the morning I would be unhappy. He knows he can do that because you'll just carry on looking after your DD as normal. The responsibility will come back to you. I bet you would not do the same even if you could contemplate going out for a drink a night (assuming you are bf and stuck in of an evening).

Just wanted to say I think YANBU. I feel your pain though as am sat here with the dc s, having only had a couple of hours sleep, whilst dh sleeps off his latest 'jolly'!

JeelyPiece LOVE the name! (And the song!)

People trotting out the old "men need time off" line, the baby is only 5 weeks and has reflux ffs! When does OP get a break?

OP YANBU, would write off this morning, but you could to have a talk (another day) with DH about division of childcare at night / mornings / weekends and how to make sure you both get roughly equal time for yourselves. With something like reflux - if the baby is up a lot in the night - you will both need to do nights, or it will break you. He may say that he works, but that doesn't mean you should have to do all the nightwork.

New baby is tricky, after our first we found it v hard to adjust to having much less time for ourselves as individuals, took DH a while to realise that it wasn't OK for him to go out after work for drinks, nice spontaneous social evenings, while I was stuck at home, in pain from the birth and awkardness of new breastfeeding, sleep-deprived, weeping and in despair with a colicky baby screaming for hours on end! DC2 was easier, we had our teamwork more sussed by then!

DH and I (2 DC, terrible sleepers, I do almost all nights) have a rule that any hangover lie-ins must be negotiated and prescheduled! Otherwise it's up and get on with it, unless we are feeling generous and take pity.

Thanks for responses. I just think if I have been up all week and with her all day my break would have been nice. Any extra time I get will be sleeping. He is 31 not a child most of his friends are childless. I don't see how being sleep deprived then staying out till 330 getting drunk helps

YANBU if it was arranged that he would get up, but I think perhaps you were both being a little unrealistic!

Absolutely dozer I hate all this patriarchal "wet the babies head" Its so bloddy sexist.women are the ones who have a long pg and birth to recover from and the baby belongs jointly to both parents.

I wonder if a man posted to say he had recently been unwell and had some surgery and his wife had been out pissing it up untill 3.30 whist he got up with the kids whether they would get so much sympathy and understanding.