to be angry at dh

[Cazm2]

Dd is 5 weeks old suffers silent reflux so not always happy not good sleeper. I do night feeds or up with her in week. Dh went out last night to wet baby's head. Left at 7 came home at 330!!! I am fuming he was going to look after her this morning but incapable snoring muttering from alcohol and tiredness he neatly went to wee in herroom earlier. I think I am going to have to call dm to see if she can have dd for few hours whilst I sleep but feel that let's him off with resting

No I can remember it and yes it can be very tiring especially if a baby is unwell.

But small babies are so much easier than older children in lots of other ways so it evens out IME.

Strawberry my children are aged 11 months, 2, 4 and 5. I can remembeer the early times very well. Though i suppose next you would say that I mut have had it easy or was lucky.

I find it a bizarre attitude that when people don't agree then it must mean that they can't understand.

*must

"I think OP can manage alone for one night/day!!"

You think she can?

You, who don't know her?

She says she is exhausted from weeks of lack of sleep, but you get to decide that a night and day alone with a refluxy baby is "no big deal"

If a night out is "no big deal" then it doesn't need to happen if either parent feels they can't cope alone with a 5 week old baby.

I love all the "you agreed he could go" from people I know would have told the OP she was a bossy controlling fishwife had she posted asking whether it was reasonable for her husband to go on the piss when she was feeling so overwhelmed.

:o

OP - YANBU

Don't fall into the trap.

You are the more tired of the two of you and he has taken all the sleep!

That is so shit.

Honestly, I don't know any men who behaved that selfishly when their first baby arrived.

Putting up with it is not the only way.

Isn't it obvious that if one person doesn't agree with another then they don't understand? I certainly don't understand your point of view.

No. I can understand a point of view without agreeing with it.

Different people find different things hard.

There's no objective "hardest" stage.

I have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and I'm 30 weeks pregnant.

For me it's a fucking breeze compared to 5 weeks in with my first.

And I did have it easy! No reflux, supportive husband.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, and if DH had been off playing tennis, getting pissed and sleeping off hangovers I would have felt totally abandoned when I needed him most.

I doubt our marriage would have survived.

OP, just wanted to sympathise - silent reflux is so so so hard. My two had colic and that was bad enough, but a friend had a baby with silent reflux and I hugged my friend whilst she sobbed on my shoulder. Get your mum over and have a well-earned break today.

So you can understand the op's point of view then?

If my partner had fucked off to get pissed when I had a five week old - which for me was the hardest in terms of sheer physical exhaustion, unhealed episotomy, general dreadful contemplation of the wreck of my previously nice life - and I had been counting on a bit, a few hours, of precious lovely sleep I would have hit the fucking roof.

Yes, mother, your experience of 5 weeks sounds like mine :)

Athinginyourlife, completely agree with you. I have a 4yr old, 2yr old and am 20 weeks pregnant. Things are way easier now in comparison to DS1 as a newborn.

I really hope op's DH can see that he needs to be a 50/50 parent and apologises for his behaviour.

Oh and another thing op, you should definitely ask for help when you need it, I think it's lovely that your mum is there for you too. There is no sense in being a martyr and thinking it is wise to have to cope alone with a newborn when you have other options. It is sensible to recognise when you need that extra bit of help.

Wetting the babys head is a load of bollocks. At 5 weeks post refluxy baby, I was on my knees with exhaustion. Literally. OP YANBU and your DH is a selfish arse. He needs to get his arse in gear and realsie that if this horrendous sleep deprivation continues, the road ahead is not going to be a smooth one.

On a practical note, what have you tried for the reflux? an osteopath might be able to help ? Made some difference to DD for a few weeks ?

Hope things improve soon - the sheer hell of sleep deprivation still haunts me. And no, if you haven't been through it you DON'T understand!

strawberry I understand, yes, but I don't agree for reasons previously explained.

My personal opinion is that I wouldn't expect- or even want -my DH to be up in the morning alone after even only a few beers. It is quite unreasonable to assume that a few pints can't cause a hangover. Given that, and the fact that OP is very tired, I really think it was a poorly thought idea on both their parts to assume that this was a suitable time to be going out for a drink at all.

Having got an 18 and 21 yo I would agree that the most physically exhausting time is the first few months with a new born.

I can understand why you are very angry op and I think you should definitely get the whole night off tonight and the day off tomorrow. Get a good nights sleep and you'll feel recharged to deal with next week.

Quicklook has suggested a good idea. He had last night, you take tonight and tomorrow.

These threads are always unhelpful. People who had spectacularly easy babies (or seriously rose tinted memories) lecturing people who have non-sleeping babies about what they should or shoudn't be able to do.

I had a refluxy baby OP (who is now an amazing sleeper, remember it will pass!) and I wanted to vomit, I was so tired. Am hoping the next one is one of those babies I keep hearing about from the "of course he can have a night out" brigade on these threads!

He was a selfish bastard.

Under the guise of celebrating the baby's birth, he fucked off from actually taking his share in the parenting of the baby he's pretending to be celebrating!

And to top it all off, he he neatly went to wee in herroom earlier.

His wife is only five weeks post-natal with a refluxy baby, and he thought binge-drinking was appropriate last night? Bastard.

OK, so you who are in the "bastard" camp. Do you think it's acceptable then that the Husband be expected to rise with the baby even if he had only had a few pints as agreed? Because I would personally worry that there would still be a chance of hangover. The OP was OK with this possibility. I really don't think that I would be.

my own DH never went out when our babies were that young but he had wanted to then I would want to be sure that I was capable of taking care of baby in the morning incase he had any kind of hangover.

*if he had wanted to

Your own DH never went out when your babies were that young? Probably because he realised it would be a bit selfish eh?

I don't quite understand your point.

If the other partner cannot look after the baby over the weekend, due to drinking too much, then I call bastard.

He was out until 3.30 am, and is so drunk that he can't properly remember the difference between baby's room and nursery.

No. He hasn't any friends to go out with. But if he did and I felt fit then I would have been OK with it. And you do seem to be forgetting that OP was fine with him going out.

I have never once defending his drinking til 3am Jessie. My posts have all been about wether he should have gone out in the first instance. That IS my point. I really don;t think anyone should expect a drinking parent- however long they were out- to be up with baby in the first place!