to be angry at dh

[Cazm2]

Dd is 5 weeks old suffers silent reflux so not always happy not good sleeper. I do night feeds or up with her in week. Dh went out last night to wet baby's head. Left at 7 came home at 330!!! I am fuming he was going to look after her this morning but incapable snoring muttering from alcohol and tiredness he neatly went to wee in herroom earlier. I think I am going to have to call dm to see if she can have dd for few hours whilst I sleep but feel that let's him off with resting

Oh I feel for you OP. YANBU.

My DD1 was very similar to yours and the first 6 weeks were hell. If H had gone out til that time I'd have wanted to rip his head off! As I was the one awake most of the night, every night with a baby I couldn't put down.

Hopefully your H will be feeling better this afternoon and you can get some sleep then.

FWIW, DD1 started sleeping in her crib when I put her in on her tummy. We got one of those breathing monitor thingies, and she started doing a few hours at a time rather than 20 mins. I think by around 8 weeks she was doing 11pm til 5 or 6 in the morning and I felt like a new person.

Quite right ledkr. This is terribly common, and in fact we should probably put warnings out on the pregnancy threads. It's a sort of midlife crisis thing where an awful lot of men feel the need to show themselves / their mates that nothing's changed. Actually, of course it bloody has. They will be able to get their old life back (sort of, in a way) but not in the first few weeks ffs.

OP - I would get your mother round, because you need sleep. And tell her to be as rude to your DH as she likes when he emerges.

YABU. Yes, a break would have been nice and it is tough getting used to the lack of sleep thing, but you sound like a princess tbh. You certainly don't HAVE to call your DM to look after your baby so you can sleep - most people just get on with it.

I think just random that a few hours would help me function. I am talking about having 6 hours sleep in 24 hours and doing bottles basic housework and looking after a very uncomfortable baby.

YANBU to be pissed off that he stayed out till 3:30 and is now incapable of helping with your baby.

YABU to think that you will be anything but sleep deprived with a five week old and to get your Mum round every time you fancy a nap or you want to gang up on your husband.

What is it that you are having trouble with at the moment though? If you can be online and still look after baby you seem like you're OK just now. Is baby due a nap soon? Perhaps you could both nap together?

Op, I am guessing that a lot of the posters saying that YABU have never had a baby with reflux. If they have and are still saying you are unreasonable then they are better wives than me!

For the first 4 months of DD's life, I felt physically sick and dizzy with exhaustion. She too slept on us in shifts and there was no 'me' time for either of us. Every second spare was spent trying to get some more sleep than the broken 5 hours a night we were both getting,

I would have been very upset in your situation. DH did go out for a celebratory drink with friends but was back by 10ish.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!

What BanalChelping said you are a grown up you know. Just have a nap later.

you sound like a princess tbh Are you actually serious justarandom

Because she doesnt want to be left with sole responsibility for her new born whilst its father gets pissed and sleeps it off?

What is her dp then a fucking prince?

Thank you bubs and allsevens. I am on my phone whilst she sleeps on me. If u put her in her crib I may get 5 mins before wanting to ne picked up. Yes bubs that is currently my life she will rarely settle properly in the day so I can sleep either hopefully we can find a solution soon having tried gaviscon and now different formula

Haha reflux babies dont nap. When you feed them in the night they have to be kept upright for at least an hour and then find it hard to settle.Thats not to mention all the medicine you have to try and give them with fumbling fingers in the middle of the night.
Op is being slated for being precious and weak but the same posters have failed to critisise the selfish father of the child for being drunk and incapable. Jeeez.

I´m pretty sure that at that stage I was still sleeping as much as possible during the day & pretty much ignoring housework.

I have to say that from 7-3.30 seems excessive to me for a drink-often compromise has to come into play when you have a babyFFS!

I wouldn´t bother your mum unless you fancy the company tbh-actually, I´d be too embarrassed about his behaviour

Which I know is stupid as he´s the one who has been a twat.

Oh and to those people asking what you are having problems with and nap when the baby naps- you have no idea.

Try having a baby that YOU CAN'T PUT DOWN to sleep, they have to sleep upright on you as they are sick and scream in discomfort if you lie them down. Add to that the cocktail of drugs that you have to give your newborn to try and stop them screaming in pain.

DD (for various reasons) managed to get into a newborn sleep pattern of waking every 2.5 hours from either her cot or sleeping next to me at around 6 mo and it was a breeze compared to the amount of sleep we had been getting before then. Co- sleeping with them lying next to you is not an option until you can put them down flat.

OP I am getting mad at some posters on your behalf - walk a mile first hey?

I really don't get this "wet the baby's head" crap. Who did all the hard bit?!

Op I think YANBU. My baby is nearly 17 weeks and is just getting over silent reflux. He's ebf and now has totally crap sleeping habits. Currently asleep on his tummy on me. You do what you have to to get through.....

Your dh knows how difficult it is. Going out and getting wrecked is taking the piss imo. Sofa day for you. Just look after the baby and sleep when she does.

Op leave and hide this stupid thread before all the 1950's housewives and subserviants piss you off further.
Get onto the reflux threads and get some support from people who get it.

ledkr reflux babied don't nap? Utter shite. My firstborn had reflux. She was definately grumbly but still took 20-30 minute naps in the morning! You're talking about during the night. I'm talking about right now.

As to failing to criticse the father, I happen to agree with those who say that OP was unrealistic in expecting him up and sober in the morning. I really do think that this wasn't at all well planned out. If I have ever REALLY needed sleep then I'd have been pissed at DH going for a drink in the first place and would have asked that he leave it until I felt rested enough. This wasn't even considered by OP though.

Oh yes and if you are not breast feeding go out tomorrow for the day to celebrate yourself and leave him to deal with it all himself.

The timing for him going out at ALL was clearly very off.

Come on people - it is just one night! OP is bottle feeding, so DH can do a shift too. If you get so angry about going out for 1 night, you are going to have a tough few months ahead. For the record - DD had reflux and I EBF, so I couldn't have a night off. I understand that it is tough (DC2 is 11 months, and I am pregnant with DC3).

Well autum arent you the lucky one? Your baby obviously didnt react as badly as many do but in actual fact if she only slept for 20-30 minutes didnt exactly give you time for a refreshing nap did it?

As for getting up in the morning yes i agree,i wouldnt even want him up with his beery breath and a hangover but the point is that he actually shouldnt have gone out so late at all when the baby is so young and unsettled.

You may have alow expectation of your husband but many of us expect a little more.

It's not just the going out though, it's the going out and additionally having reduced capability for childcare the next day. I'ld make him get up, get a coffee down him, and do his shift about nowish. He's probably no more sleep deprived than you, after all.

A low expectation of my Huband? No, I appreciate that people can't always precisely predict their alcohol tolerance and I allow a little leeway for that.

Of course YANBU

There are always women on here with shite husbands pretending that it's normal to be married to a selfish, lazy lump.

A parent of a newborn baby, particularly a first baby, has no business going on the piss for hours and being hungover the next day.

It's all hands on deck in the early days (they don't last long, despite how it feels now :) ) even where there aren't additional problems like reflux to make things even harder.

A good husband and father knows that his place is at home with his stressed out wife and sick baby.

Why doesn't this guy? Has he always treated you as less important than he, or is this a new thing?

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about his responsibilities to his new family (hint: they come before tennis and drinking)

Don't allow yourself to become one of these women telling a new mother she is a "princess" because she wants her husband to help with their baby.

I know you are tired, but don't allow patterns of you being the accommodating little wifey (dancing attendance on the big man who needs his rest and free time while you work yourself into depression and anxiety) to get established now.

There are men who step up to the plate when they become fathers, men who know that a real man takes on his responsibilities, and doesn't shirk them out of selfishness and laziness.

Can your husband learn to be one of them?

But it was only 1 night! I am assuming, of course, that he pulls his weight with everything else. I wouldn't mind one night out. But I WOULD mind if he didn't cook, clean, bathe the children etc the rest of the time, and the lateness of the night out wasn't a weekly occurance.

narcolepsy Quite.