to have put FIL in his place about nursery

[pointbreak]

Out of the blue he announced he thought it was a shame that DD had gone to nursery at 13 months. She goes 3 days a week, 8.30 - 4.30. She is at home with me the other two days and me, DD and DH spend the weekend as a family. She is happy as larry. He now admits it has benefited her but he didn't think that before she went. Please bear in mind MIL worked in a nursery for 12 years.

He went on to tell me that they were lucky as his wife didn't need to work when their DC were young. I pointed out that we didn't NEED me to work, but my career was important to me and just as valid's as his DS's career, so why should I give it all up. I did have PND for the first 6 months of DD's life and we all know that returning to work can help with that.

So, was IBU? What else should I have said? Or not?

Faye, did you work in private nurseries?

Quite frankly, if DD hadn't got a place at our choice of nursery, she wouldn't have gone to nursery full-stop. All of the private nurseries I went to felt wrong, in some way. Can't put my finger on why. DD's nursery is a community nursery under the Sure Start scheme (not sure if this is ending thanks to the cuts though), with a lot of volunteer work by the parents and they expect a high level of involvement from us.

I appreciate that your experience has given you that view of nurseries, and I do respect that. I'm sure that many aren't great and it's the result of placing profits above children's emotional needs. However, since I know my daughter's nursery very well, and spend a lot more time there than the average working parent, I hope you will understand why I beg to differ in my case.

I discussed what I'd seen with quite a few managers and was invariably told, oh the kids are fine, stop fussing

once when the cc was in a baby room I was in, they asked us our views on the care we gave

the baby room manager shoo'd me away and have the cc a glowing report

parents didn't seem to willing to discuss why their child looked unhappy,or sad, just as long as the nursery hours fitted in with their work and they could come and go as quickly as possible

Scrambledsmegs (love the name by the way!) that's interesting. I have heard great things about many surestart providers

We did use a private nursery, but we looked at quite a few, plus childminders , before making our choice. We opted for a nursery which had an open door policy, a consistent staff with very low turnover and a level of structure which we felt comfortable with and which reflected our own approach at home. We aren't slaves to routine, but we like a degree of structure. It wasn't the cheapest nursery but neither was it the most expensive. Ds was very happy there, and still talks about it many years later.

yes, I worked in a nursery group careshare nurseries, all run for profit

I also worked in council nurseries and day centres for babies for an early age, they were run much better and with more close involvement from all level of managers

'I'm talking about lack of warmth when dealing with all kids/finding something to do, usually filling in forms or organising tea breaks rather than one to one time with a quiet child/ not noticing when a child is tired and needs a cuddle/not being too worried if a child doesn't eat lunch, because lunch time is now up anyway/letting a child spend hours in a wet or dirty nappy so long as they aren't crying/ repeating " not now" to a child who stands beside you holding a book..there are a million other reasons'

This genuinely makes me so sad. I'm a nursery nurse and can obviously only go by my own situation but why would anyone work in a nursery where any of the above was standard? I work in a private nursery and we are allocated an hour a week in the office to do paperwork (the rest is done in our own time usually), we are absolutely not allowed to do paperwork when we are with the children (observations excepted), nappies are changed 3 hourly or as soon as they are dirty, children are accompanied while they nap/eat, NEVER left to cry and NEVER ignored. I am the shortest serving member of staff in my nursery and I've been there 7 years, most have been there since it opened in the late 80's. I am devoted to the children in my care and these threads often upset me because I want to shout 'we're not all like that!'. I do realise that I work in fantastic place with great people and I don't doubt these things go on, but I hope to God people realise that some of us are good, caring nursery nurses who want to be a part of their childs development.

Meg,I v much appreciate the great nursery staff I've encountered

Megaton - I entirely endorse your post. It's shocking isn't it, that anyone can continue to work in such a poor environment. But then the comment above, about the parents not caring about substandard care so long as the nursery fitted in with their work hours, speaks volumes doesn't it?

Either these were nurseries which catered for some pretty heartless parents (which I don't think anyone on here is) in which case the parents were getting shoddy service and didn't really mind. OR there is some shit
stirring going on here from disgruntled people. Anyway- im pleased to report that the people who looked after my ds were like you megatron - and not like some of the other so called childcare professionals on here

Well my DD was in nursery this morning. I am an abhorrence probably to most of you on this thread as am a SAHM who CHOOSES to put her 11 mo DD in nursery 2 mornings a week.

Why? We saw around 10mo that she got extremely excited when we were around other children but she was a little intimidated by them. She was walking confidently from 9mo and has energy to burn and she seems to need constant stimulation - she isn't a child happy to play while Mummy is trying to clean the kitchen.

She started at 10mo and loves it. How do I know? She gets excited when we go, she bounces with excitement after I pick her up, 'chattering' all the way home. She gives her key worker big hugs. She is now confident around other children, much more chatty, has better social skills with them.

I think it's a little insulting to say that I don't know my DD well enough to know when she is happy - she is perfectly capable of communicating her emotions to me at home and I know her so well to know these are the same at nursery.

As for the standard of care? Well, I got voicemail 20 minutes after dropping her off saying that she wasn't her normal self. Not crying but not as happy and what did I want to do? I went to pick her up, at a random time just as soon as I got the message. There are windows into the room and I could see that she was sat on her care workers knee having a story and a cuddle

This is a child led nursery with a ratio of 3 children to 1 staff but with 3 extra works so more like 2:1. They have one to one time every day with their key worker and she tells me things that make me know that she pays attention to my daughter and her emotions. Sleep times are child led and I know that they listen to her as they are 4 hours after she wakes in the morning, however I never mention to them what time she wakes up and it differs every day. We have discussed ways of her getting to eat more at lunch as she isn't a great eater. They do activities with her that I haven't thought of and tell me that she was giggling through them. This was a baby that a few months ago would sit on my knee during nct meet ups watching the others play.

I don't know what kind of children some of you are trying to raise but I am trying to raise a happy, well rounded one who has the security of parents unconditional love with social skills to be able to get through life.

Great post Bub, sounds like a v sensible approach.

tinkerbel
All the nurseries I worked in were considered "excellent" and had long waiting lists. I had no childcare qualifications but lots of experience. I was put in the nurseries for temporary work by my nanny agency during my university holidays (law and politics - nothing to do with childcare!). I was always kind and fun when I worked with children but thinking back, it's pretty amazing that they employed me so willingly.

And I'm assuming you have a brother/husband/close friend/child who went to or is at Eton? As you have such a definite view about it?!

Ah sorry, forgot that it's completely acceptable to bash public schools. Oh, no wait. Actually it isn't. Vile reverse snobbery. Just as bad as people looking down their noses on the local comp.

Thanks Dollys . I hoping that this thread doesn't terrify people from looking at nurseries as (shock) some of us have had good experiences..

I dont think public schools get much of a bashing its nurseries!

Hear hear bub. You know what's best for your child, and it sounds like she's a very happy secure little soul.

I just meant generally Molly

Tinkerbel I never said that if you don't know that a nursery is good then you shouldn't put your child there. You said that.

Well- if nothing else, this thread has been useful in showing that there are good, poor and indifferent childcarers out there. I am pleased to say those of us who care about our children use the ones like megatron.

It has been a revelation hasn't it tinkerbell? I simply had no idea there were good nurseries and bad nurseries. Next someone will be telling me there are nice restaurants and bad restaurants.

bubandbump See your choice for your daughter sounds excellent and you clearly have an excellent nursery. I don't think all nurseries are bad and a couple of mornings a week for older babies and toddlers often seems to work well. If my local nurseries offered this I would consider if when my baby is 1, but most don't offer half days. So I can send my child for a 2 or 3 hour session but have to pay for 8-6 anyway!

Yes, but pointbreak the point I and other have been trying to make is that some "good" nurseries really aren't that great. Children's physical needs are met but not much more. I'm not anti nurseries but the acceptable level of care can equate to a sad and lonely experience for some babies and children.

Just saying.

And the point many of the rest of us are making is that we also have the intelligence to look beyond the ofsted rating/ waiting list etc and judge by the experience our kids are actually getting and how secure and happy they are

People keep banging on about how they worked in 'great' 'world standard' nurseries which were actually poorly structured and run, em

Employing second rate staff. Well- I wouldn't call those 'good

Anyway, I wouldn't want my DD to have a SAHM as I wouldn't want her to sit in front of the tv all day eating crisps and drinking coke out a bottle. I have seen a SAHM who treated her DCs like that. So therefore all SAHM must be like that. Just like how all nurseries are created equal....

"good" as in got the best inspection reports, long waiting lists, all the parents vied to get in.

Look, it's understandable for people to feel defensive. But it's not constructive. You have found a marvellous nursery that works for you. Fabulous. Sadly other families aren't so lucky. That's all I'm saying. Clearly you know how to look beneath the surface of a nursery when choosing but MANY parents don't.

For what it's worth, I refused to temp on nurseries after a while as it was too depressing and restrictive. Nannying was much more fun. (and I know that I was a good nanny because I adored the children in my care and I'm still in touch with some of them 15 years on!)

in nurseries. Not on. Pah.