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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU advice needed about HORRIBLE teacher?

305 replies

MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 10:43

on behalf of my sister who is very upset. Her son is a very good year three child...very well behaved and has been excelling at school, on the g&t register and loves school...his reports are always that he is a good and kind boy, often voted as class rep etc.

This term his class have been taught by 2 teachers both of whom teach year 4...they were sort of tasters for nexyt year to get the DC used to their new teachers.

Yesterday my nephew came home and was very upset. He said that Miss T had screamed in his face...my nephew is almost deaf in one ear due to problems from birth and has had both eardrums burst in the past and this woman screamed so loud his ear was hurt...he cried in pain.

She screamed because my nephew had been going for a pencil and had tripped over another childs leg....she accused my nephew of kicking the other boy and would not listen when my nephew AND the other boy tried to explain he had tripped. INstead she yelled repeatedly as loud as she could in his face that she would not be talked back to and then she told him to sit on the carpet and removed his golden time...she threw his book at him.

My hephew says she has also shouted at him for other minor things such as dropping his book once. She also banged the chair of a little girl up and down with the child still sitting in it....whilst shouting "Go to the toilet then!" and the little girl was crying.

My sister says her normally happy boy has been in tears and could not sleep for three nights until all this came out last night. He is afraid of this woman and his poor ear is still hurting.

My sister has made an appointment to see the HT tonight she does not want to speak to the teacher....she feels she has nothing to say to the woman. I must add that her son is very sensible and very truthful he would not lie....the teacher is new and this is her first job.

What measures should my sister ask to take place? What should the outcome be? And who should she write to in the event that she is still not happy after the meeting? The LEA or board of governers? Thank you. I am very upset about my nephew who has had multiple operations on his ears and only has 30% hearing in the one this woman hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 10:47

My sister has made an appointment to get his ear looked at with the GP. Sad

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 27/04/2012 10:53

If the teacher is new, as in newly qualified, then she needs support in classroom management - that is the school's responsibility.

It sounds as though she so keen to ensure that behaviour is good in her class that she's reacted completely inappropriately to this.

Your sister has done the right thing by taking this to the HT and yes, if you are not happy with how it is handled, the Chair of Governors would be the person to take it too next.

monkeymamma · 27/04/2012 10:54

That's awful OP. Yes go straight to HT and if nothing resolves and it is a possibility your sister should look into moving schools (if, as I assume, he'd have this teacher for a whole year?). Apologies if this is not very helpful advice (may not be practical etc, or maybe he loves the school otherwise), but she sounds like a really bad teacher to me and it would be a shame for your nephew to have to put up with it for a whole school year. Unfortunately some people are just horrible. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the HT is helpful - at least it's at the start of his time with her so it can be dealt with early...

Original poster
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 10:56

The chair of governors? Thanks folkgirl I told my sis that it sounds like the teacher needs more training...but shouting to that extent surey indicates a problem with anger rather than a keeness to be disceplined

OP posts:
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 10:59

This reply has been deleted

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/04/2012 11:03

I think you need to find out exactly what happens before your sis goes in thre all guns blazing. When my DS was in year 3 he came home, really upset, said his teacher had shouted at him in front of the whole class for not something insignifiant. I went to see her after school to have a chat about it as DS has quite low esteem and so screeching at him in front of the class will not help (she is a shouty teacher) and it transpired that she was not shouting at him at all, she was shouting at the whole class!

Now of course teachers shouldnt shout at all but maybe she wasnt just shouting at your DN so do check the facts first. She is a new teacher and is probably trying to assert her authority and let the pupils know she wont tolerate misbehavior. DS is now year 5 and his new teacher was like this for the first 3 weeks, very very strict, put them in their place, and after that relaxed as they knew their boundaries with her.

I am not excusing her behavior but yeah, just get all the facts first.

blackeyedsusan · 27/04/2012 11:03

you sister needs to ask other parents if thei children have reported anythng unusual.

Petsinmypudenda · 27/04/2012 11:04

As i posted in your chat one:

I would make sure i was the truth first. Shouting, yelling in his face, throwing things at him, banging the chair, well that's a hell of a list there.

Then i would go bonkers it it were true, governors, ect.. If shes yelling and throwing things she is clearly not coping

TheOneWithTheHair · 27/04/2012 11:05

Oh MrsShitty I do sympathise. My dn has had ear problems too and has had several operations. The pain of loud noises is not to be underestimated.

Wrt the teacher could you dsis speak to some of the other parents and encourage them to report anything their dcs have said about this teacher. The more reports there are the more likely the school is to do something about it and your dsis will be less likely to come across as neurotic.

valiumredhead · 27/04/2012 11:10

Are you sure that is what happened? A child's version can be very different from what actually happened. Don't go in all guns blazing.

maddening · 27/04/2012 11:11

the teacher wants sacking - she sounds abusive - sorry of that's a bit kneejerk but I wouldn't want her in any contact with your nephew after reading your op.
Your nephew will get over it I'm sure - we went to a primary school where this sort of stuff happened (my sister was even thrown across a room by a teacher aged 8 - I saw it happen) and we're ok with some "funny" stories but it could be quite scary at the time - but it isn't right in the slightest.

HillyWallaby · 27/04/2012 11:12

Hmm. Very difficult. Although I do not think that as a rule children 'lie' about what teachers have done, I do think they have a different (and sometimes warped and egocentric) sense of 'truth' and perspective about exactly what happens to them sometimes. Of course it 's always impossible to know who was in the wrong in these scenarios as there are often many different angles on the truth in any one situation.

Perhaps she was just having a very tough day, but if he is genuinely that upset about it then of course your sister should say something, but it would be better to speak to the teacher in the first instance rather than go straight to the head - that seems like a bit of an over reaction.

But the teacher should be made aware that he has an issue with delicate eardrums, yes.

I do wonder sometimes about exactly how much children are really affected by things like this though, and how much of it is just the parents being a bit precious and making a mountain out of molehill by encouraging the child to focus on it. My kids have all come home over the years moaning like hell and bristling with indignation about this nasty teacher or that one, because they got the blame for something someone else did and they were not given a chance to have their say, or whatever. But life is like that. Working for a living is most certainly like that and it sucks sometimes. But they live to moan another day, and they certainly don't lose nights of sleep over it - not if they are an otherwise well balanced child and it is a one off incident.

I think we are in danger of making our children over-sensitive to criticism and incapable of rolling with life's punches if we over-react every time something like this happens.

Not that it should always be ignored or tolerated - just that children need to be taught perspective, and to appreciate other people's POV sometimes. Personally I think if the teacher really was a nasty piece of work she'd learn a great deal more about herself if instead of the parent complaining to the head about something which is nothing more than hearsay, the child was comforted by mum, and told 'Do you know darling, some people are just not very kind or patient are they? Perhaps next time she shouts unkindly or treats you unfairly you should just say very calmly and quietly to her 'I am sorry everything makes you so angry Miss. Maybe you should get a different job because this one seems to make you unhappy, and you are making me unhappy too.'

TroublesomeEx · 27/04/2012 11:14

It might indicate anger, but she might have had previous problems with discipline and worry that she is coming across as too nice/soft. She might think she needs to be hard from the start.

It's completely the wrong way to go about it, but she might think that she can intimidate them into behaving. She can't.

But yes, if she is not happy with the way the HT responds, then she can write to the governing body, care of the Chair of governors (if she hands it into the school office it will be passed on).

I hope she gets it sorted. your nephew must feel dreadful.

Original poster
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 11:15

hilly tough day or not she pretty much assaulted him.

OP posts:
Bucharest · 27/04/2012 11:16

Dd came home last week, in tears, because the teacher had "humiliated her" in front of the class, told her her work was rubbish, laughed at her, got all the other kids to laugh at her, told her she was going to fail the year because of bad behaviour and on and on and on.

I went in the next day......guns cocked......the teacher said "oh it's a shame she didn't understand the work yesterday, she got really upset and I kept telling her it didn't matter, that she's a really clever girl and just because one time she got it wrong......"

As I said on your otheer thread, a calm word about the ear wouldn't go amiss. For the rest, I'd pick my battles.

HillyWallaby · 27/04/2012 11:20

Assault? She didn't lay a finger on him, and perhaps she had no idea about his ear problems when she shouted. And was does 'in his face' mean exactly? Did she thow his book at him, or just toss it in the general direction but several feet away? Or just slam it down on a table in front of him in a cross manner? I agree she sounds horrible, and in need of some extra training, but like I said, you need some perspective. You can't go leaping to concusions of assault, seriously.

HillyWallaby · 27/04/2012 11:21

what does

Petsinmypudenda · 27/04/2012 11:24

tough day or not she pretty much assaulted him.

--
But you don't know if she did all this yet!

SunflowersSmile · 27/04/2012 11:27

It doesn't sound good though and shouting so loud so as to hurt an ear not on. As your sister does not want to talk to the teacher the Head is probably a good idea.

Original poster
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 11:29

If you hurt someone physically then that is assault.

Pets and why would my sister doubt her son?

OP posts:
slightlycrumpled · 27/04/2012 11:29

I would ask what happened rather than go in on the defensive.

I would, however, be hugely cross about the ear/ shouting situation. It is really sore if you have existing problems. DS3 doing normal toddler screaming can send DS2 running to his room crying his ears are hurting.
I would be very surprised if by year 3 the school / teachers weren't aware of his hearing problems. They were all made aware of DS2' in reception and info given to the next years teacher etc.

Original poster
MrsShitty · 27/04/2012 11:29

hilly she most certainly DID know about his ear...my sister says all the teacchers are informed as he is hard of hearing.

OP posts:
Tanith · 27/04/2012 11:30

I agree that your sister needs to find out first what actually happened.
If your nephew has sensitive ears, then the teacher wouldn't need to raise her voice very much for it to hurt him.

This is quite a catalogue and does have the hallmarks of a little boy who got very distressed and is trying to make sense of his emotions. If she behaved that badly, I would expect other staff to have intervened - was there no TA present?

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 11:32

She needs to speak to the teacher!

It's not good enough to simply say "I believe my child, therefore I have nothing to say to the accused."

The order is...

Teacher
Head Teacher
Chair of Govs
LEA

But she shouldn't be surprised if the Head is a bit reluctant to do much at the first meeting, because no-one's actually spoken to the teacher in question.

MarySA · 27/04/2012 11:32

I think I would speak to the Head and say I had serious concerns. If nothing was done I would certainly consider contacting the local authority. This behaviour from a teacher is just totally out of order. And should not be tolerated. And I'm not one of those kid glove types that think even naughty children shouldn't be never be told off.