Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:
Francagoestohollywood · 27/04/2012 08:48

Of course people are allowed to fret over their children, no matter how old are they. But rationality should prevail...

YABU.

And I say this, despite being extremely apprehensive. I have to work on my anxieties every single time my children are on a school trip. Recently my 9 yrs old has been away for 5 days. But the pros are > than the cons...

Pagwatch · 27/04/2012 08:49

I let DCs go on all trips. You should let your dc go as a general rule.

But I do think that a round trip of 100 miles to visit the airport is a seriously shit outing.

And a round trip of 50 miles for every outing is dull. Is there nothing run locally at all?

Francagoestohollywood · 27/04/2012 08:50

At 4, my ds would have loved visiting an airport with school though!

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 08:53

manage own maternal emotions so they dont restrict child

parent preventing child taking part in planned activities is unhelpful and well speaks volumes about the parent.its is such more than the child own anxieties

regular fretting is gosh...
hope they eat the packed lunch
remember to put on coat if it rains

restricting a planned activity is unnecessary and ott reaction

Sirzy · 27/04/2012 08:54

As an adult a trip to the airport may be rubbish but to a 4 year old - sounds like it would be great fun!

Ds and dn are 2.5 and 3.5 and they love going to watch the planes.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 08:56

Babybythesea, I am by no means belittling what you do. We love going to the zoo and have been to some great organised visits. My point was in relation to HE and that I don't think that he is missing out because he didn't go in a group of 30 4 years, not that he didn't miss out by not going at all (because he did and he loved it!). Your work IS valued! ( it also sounds like a great job btw. :)

Pagwatch · 27/04/2012 09:00

Yep, so would mine. But he also liked Homebase Confused Grin
I just would hope there would be something equally good a bit more local. 50 miles each way is a bit of a hike

I am just saying a bit sad that the school can think of nothing within a 50 mile radius.
in reception DD did an outing to the local lock, a local national trust garden where they did pond dipping and den building and an outing into the local town.
They also went to a special performance of the senior schools panto.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 09:02

I don't think anyone should feel pressured into doing something or letting their child do something that they don't feel comfortable with. We all feel ready and feel that our child is ready for things at different stages. Some people are happy to leave their babies overnight with someone else at a couple of weeks old, for others it might be a few months and others may wait a few years. I don't think that starting reception/school all of a sudden means that a child is automatically ready to do the things that everyone in their class is doing and I think the parent is in a better position to decide if they are or not. A lot of posts on here sound a bit like peer pressure from parents!

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 09:03

we have had trips to
airport
bus depot
local firestation
all pretty local and from Primary1 onwards

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/04/2012 09:05

Lawks oh bloody lordy!!!!

4/5 years old isn't 18 months old.They're not babies any more at that age.They're separate little people for Goodness sake!

I'm one of those bloody awful working Mums who played pass the parcel with my babies,sent them to a CM at 4 months old,and generally took every opportunity to teach them that Mummy isn't their whole world even though I love them just as much as the next Mummy.

I think its our responsibility to teach our little ones independence from a young age,just like its our responsibility to teach them how to use a knife and fork,or road safety.I appreciate that some children are more clingy - but some children take longer to learn to read - it doesn't mean to say that we give up trying to teach them until they're year 1 or 2!

Now I'm gonna get flamed,but,I'm seriously Shock by this! It never even crossed my mind to be concerned with my DD on a similar long trip,and she was barely 4 when she started school,as a Summer born baby.

And baby,your whole thing you've got going on at your work sounds ace! Proves that kids learn from these things and we shouldn't worry......

treesprite · 27/04/2012 09:06

I can understand your anxiety, but for both your sakes you will need to let him go in the near future. Experiences like that, away from Mum will give him confidence so he copes with the overnight residentials that will probably be offered later on in primary. I am sure you don't want him to be the child who cries the whole time because he's homesick. Saying that 50 miles on the motorway is quite a long trek for their first ever trip!

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 09:10

Skinny, some people would argue that by that logic, we should all be handing our children over to nannies/nurseries at a few months of age to teach them independence and that those who aren't put in nursery care are going to be at a disadvantage to those who were.

Children do gradually learn independence but I don't think a school trip is essential for that. (certainly I didn't have any at that age) It's not like the OP is refusing to EVER let her child go on a school trip but if she doesn't think he is ready then who are you to say otherwise? I very much doubt that in 10 years time you will be able to pick out the children who went on school trips from those who didn't!

zombiegames · 27/04/2012 09:10

YABU. And a trip to the airport for a young child is seriously exciting - have helped out on a trip like this.

I used to work with children in schools and we would not have wanted an over anxious parent like yourself as a helper as ime such parents can be a problem. They tend to concentrate on their own child when you need helpers who look after all the children allocated to them and tend to transmit their own anxieties to their and other kids e.g. constantly asking kids who were okay if they feel sick and so making them feel sick.

If you had a particular worry about the type of trip it would be different, but these trips sound fine. It also worries me that he says he doesn't want to go to things like a panto which should be seriously exciting at this age. Are you transmitting your worries to him so that he is getting the message that school trips are not a good thing?

WorraLiberty · 27/04/2012 09:12

The people asking if they can't go somewhere nearer or do something else for fun....

The 2 trips to the theatre and 1 to the airport will be to reinforce what they're actually learning about in school.

So often I read on MN things like "Oh it's only Reception, so it doesn't matter"

But they are actually learning things...not playing with their thumbs all day.

takeonboard · 27/04/2012 09:12

I can't believe the school have allowed you to just opt out!

Your poor boy you are making him an outsider, all his classmates will be talking about it next day. When my DS was this age they talked about trips the whole week before as everyone had school meals so it was exciting to take a packed lunch! They would examine their lunch boxes on the coach then bargain and swap nearly everything in it. They usually did a project about the trip afterwards.

He will be missing out on so much, I think you are being selfish and mean to deny your DS the full school experience and can't help but feel very sorry for him Sad

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 09:14

op you have to stop projecting your anxieties onto son
he picks up on your reluctance as demonstrated by ok stay at home with mummy

let the school do its job
take a step back

zombiegames · 27/04/2012 09:15

bumbley - The problem is over anxious parents are usually over anxious about lots of things for years. THese are the parents who usually become parents that won't let their teenagers go out by themselves for example. So I think it is good if parents can overcome these anxieties when their kids are young, rather than having them told it is fine to be like this and continuing to bring up kids this way.

And it shows if parents continue to be like this throughout childhood with kids. These are the young adults who are immature for their age, often don't have the confidence to do ordinary stuff and don't know how to deal with unexpected situations.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 27/04/2012 09:15

bumbley I am not undermining your position as an HE-er. It doesn't need to be formal care.

I just think kids benefit from different people in their world from a very young age,and different experiences in their world from a slightly older age,in order that they don't become clingy.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 27/04/2012 09:23

YABU - every parent feels like you but we just get over it.....send him, its not fair if you dont! He's only saying he doesnt want to go because he senses YOU dont want him to go. I hated the idea of DS going on a coach when he started school but I realised that was my problem and not his.

Pagwatch · 27/04/2012 09:25

The people asking why things can't be more local would be me Worra.
And I didn't suggest in anything I wrote that they are sitting in their thumbs all day.

But the ' linking trips to what they are learning in school' is over egging things a tad. From memory reception will cover generic topics like 'home' or 'transport'. To suggest that you can only access school topics via a 100 mile round trip would indicate a certain rigidity that doesn't seem terribly appropriate for reception which is about developing the skills to access learning - attending, understanding, processing - none of which get improved by sitting on a coach.

I've said the child should go - I love school trips and outings and all that that brings. But i was just observing that 100 mike round trips is a bit odd. If they could make some of them more local that would help is all.

VelmaDaphne · 27/04/2012 09:27

Zombie - huge and unreasonable extrapolation! I waited until my DS was ready before letting him start school and go on trips etc. Now he's ready and I'm fine with it. Just because a parent is protective and concerned about their reception child, doesn't mean they'll bring them up in a repressed, anxious and stultifying way for ever!

zombiegames · 27/04/2012 09:27

Pagwatch - I was assuming if they need to go on a 100 mile trip to go to a panto, this is more a reflection of where the OP lives.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2012 09:28

Is it a PFB thing?

zombiegames · 27/04/2012 09:30

Velma - No not always, but often. The OP hasn't given imo valid reasons why this isn't ok for her DC. If a DC really isn't ready for something, fine. But if it is just because of a parent's own anxieties, I think this usually does carry on unless the parent purposefully tries to overcome their own anxieties and lets their kids try out new things.

landofsoapandglory · 27/04/2012 09:34

Blimey, when mine were in reception they would have come running out(along with the rest of the class) talking nineteen to the dozen about where they were going, what they'd like in their lunch box etc, etc. There would have been now way that I would have been able to say "but darling 50 miles is an awful long way!". I don't think it is BTW.

Whatever happened to encouraging your child to do things they might not fancy? What would you do if he came home and said "Mummy, it's Maths tomorrow, I don't really want to do it. Can I stay at home?" Would you allow that? Once you opt into the school system, you can't be selective in what they do within it IMVHO.

And, to the PP who said boys don't remember. DS1 remembers some of my Antenatal appointments. They weren't fun. He was 2yrs 10 days when DS2 was born and is now 17!