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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep my son home from school trips

321 replies

victoria48 · 26/04/2012 21:18

My son is in reception and so far they have had 2 school trips with a 3rd coming up soon. Each one has been a 100 mile round trip on a coach on the motorway. I have asked each time if I can go along as a helper and have been turned down each time. I gave my son a choice of going on the trips and he said he didn't want to go. I know I could have easily pursuaded him but chose not to as I didn't think the trips were a good idea myself. The third one is coming up and I'm being pressured by his teacher to send him. Am I being unreasonable to keep him home?

OP posts:
Voidka · 27/04/2012 07:41

YABU and your DS wont thank you for it.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 07:42

Didn't someone earlier mention that they were going on residential trips at 8/9 here in the UK as well? There's a big difference between a 4/5 year old and an 8/9 year old. Anyway, my point is that they aren't emotionally underdeveloped because they didn't go to school (with or without trips) at age 4 so some of the points made on this thread are a bit silly.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 07:42

Good posts Velma btw. I agree with you. :)

MardyArsedMidlander · 27/04/2012 07:43

This thread has made me very very Sad. Some people are talking as if the school is expecting a 4 year old to undertake a climb of Everest. He will already be away from home that day, with his friends and teachers- except this will be an exciting educational day that he will be talking about for ages and ages after.
(I once took a group of children to London Zoo. One of the chimps crapped in its hand. And then ate it. Guess what was the ONLY thing the kids talked about and wrote about? ...)

RubyGates · 27/04/2012 07:43

Any of you have children who have been on school trips to Kentwell? A wonderful, educational day out. (I would say that, I'm one of the Tudors)...... But, on at least to seperate occasions children have managed to get themselves onto the wrong coach and end up back at entirely the wrong school, in entirely the wrong bit of the country.

How we laughed

(This is more likely to happen because the children are not in uniform, but "Tudor costume"...)

RubyGates · 27/04/2012 07:45

Two. even.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 07:51

Mardy, those memories don't necessarily have to come from school trips.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2012 07:55

I wonder what teachers make of all this? If everyone did the same as the Op there would be no Reception class trips. Confused

bruffin · 27/04/2012 08:02

THE KID MIGHT NOT BE 4

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/04/2012 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbleymummy · 27/04/2012 08:08

4/5 bruffin. It hardly negates my point.

Groovee · 27/04/2012 08:08

I remember having a fab day out at the zoo in P1. So memories can be made. But when do we learn to let go if we are never the helper on the trip? I was never chosen when dd was in P1.

There's only been one trip that dh put his foot down about. Dh got a bus in the heavy snow on the route our children would take the next day and promptly called the school to say our children wouldn't be on the trip the next day as he didn't feel their safety on the bus would be good enough in the weather conditions. As it was the school received so many similar calls that they postponed the trip.

Sparklingbrook · 27/04/2012 08:11

I never wanted to be the helper on the trip. Grin

valiumredhead · 27/04/2012 08:12

Depends on the school tbh. At 4 unless I could've gone to help out as well then I would be the same as the OP. Then we moved schools and I had utter faith in them and had no problem sending him when he was a bit older. 4 seems very young.

Sirzy · 27/04/2012 08:12

What about short term? How will he feel when the days/weeks afterwards all the children are talking about the exciting things which happened on the trip, some of the work is linked to what they did on the trip, photos of the trip are up on the wall etc etc.

TheCunningStunt · 27/04/2012 08:17

I can't believe there are no attractions closer than a 50 mile radius that receptions age children would like to do!

I love school trips, DS went when in nursery, and now in p1. They recently met Julia Donaldson who read them the gruffalo and signed their books. DS was delighted!!! I would always send him on trips. Op YABU to not allow him, but if they question is distance(all three trips remember), YANBU. I really think three trips of that distance are unessacary. Surely you must have a closer theatre etc. although I think of distance as a barrier because DS gets violently travel sick. We had to consider if he could cope on a 35 mile round bus trip once, but opted to send him. He did feel sick but had a ball.

babybythesea · 27/04/2012 08:36

I posted a really long message last night which then didn't go through because MN had gone off line - very frustrating.

So I'll try again.

I have worked for 15 years teaching children who are on school trips.
I have yet to even be at work on a day when one has wandered off, let alone actually been teaching a group where that has happened.
In my experience, the children can't move more than about five steps before everyone is stopped and counted. You count them when you leave one area, when you arrive at the next, and sometimes on the way there. Anyone who runs is told off and reminded to walk next to their adult. If an adult has to pay extra attention to the child in their group, the other children are assigned to someone else for a few minutes (so if one child needs the toilet, they are taken by their grown up and the remaining children in that group join other groups for a few minutes.)
Schools talk to the kids about what to do if they get lost.
As the teacher at the venue, I also discuss with the kids what to do if they get lost. And we have procedures in place - where I am currently, the place goes into lock-down if a child is reported missing. All gates are manned anyway, so a message is sent through to all security staff and no-one is allowed on or off site until the child is located (we are a big visitor attraction - it's a big deal to do this). Info is given to staff about where the child was last seen and staff in the area have specific areas of the site to sweep.

It's never happened, but the child wouldn't get very far if it did.

Can I also admit to being a bit Hmm Sad about bumbles offhand comment about the kid not missing anything with a trip to the zoo (about 11.00 last night)? I teach environmental education. I've worked in zoo education most of my career. I teach stuff off the curriculum in a way that no-one else can do (a lesson with me might include touching some exotic insects, some reptiles, and making a food parcel for some monkeys that you then go down and watch them eating) that you couldn't get without coming to my lessons. They all tie into the curriculum so it's not just a fun day out. The class build on what I do with them either before or after coming, or both. I wouldn't want my DD to be the only kid not talking about those activities, and not appearing in the photos, or sitting on the edge of things during the follow up activities. But it's nice to know that the stuff I've been working at, and got a Masters in, is so highly valued by parents ( Sad again).

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 08:39

cut the apron strings and stop being such a fusspot
they go to school,to learn,to experimentally develop and nt have mum constantly fussing with reasons not to attend trips

go get a job something to occupy you other than fretting about your son

Tarenath · 27/04/2012 08:41

OK I'm coming at this as a home educator of a 5 year old so don't mind me if my perspective is a little off.

OP, I think YABU. You have chosen to send your child to school so either you trust them with your child or you don't. If you don't trust them then why do you send him in every day?

I expect you're giving him some good experiences to replace the trips out but eventually you will need to send him. It's part and parcel of the school experience. It will also set a precedent with him that he doesn't have to do things he doesn't want to. Also, when the class returns to school they will be doing activities based on their recent trip which your child will know nothing about, meaning he IS missing out.

Children do remember school trips. DS frequently tells me about "that time we went on a coach to the beach". He was just 3!

It is hard work looking after 4 children on a trip out. I have done it. The school will have protocols in place for monitoring all the children and to ensure safety. They will also have dealt with travel sickness before.

In short, OP you need to make a decision as to whether or not you trust your child's school, because right now it doesn't sound as if you do.

valiumredhead · 27/04/2012 08:42

I think people are allowed to fret about their children when they are four and not even in full time school yet Hmm

babybythesea · 27/04/2012 08:45

bumble: Didn't someone earlier mention that they were going on residential trips at 8/9 here in the UK as well? There's a big difference between a 4/5 year old and an 8/9 year old.

I agree, bumble. But I also think that it's a gradual process - a 8/9 year old is not going to be very happy if the residential is their first real experience of being away with their teachers and friends. Whereas if they've done a couple of years of trips already, then the overnight aspect will be a lot less daunting for them.

Sirzy · 27/04/2012 08:45

Fretting about them is fine, allowing that fretting to let them miss out on normal childhood experiences isn't fine.

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 08:45

not fretting to point of curtailing planned school trips
there's a point of letting the teacher be the responsible adult
this level fussing and fretting is oppressive and unnecessary

and the trips generate what is written about, what they paint and draw, words and stories associated with the trip. the trip in itself is a whole piece of work tat relates back into lass work

themildmanneredjanitor · 27/04/2012 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 27/04/2012 08:47

yes its school not optional nursery trip