This has made me so angry..working mums, we are the devils work

[sh1t]

I read this, and wish I hadn't

paid strangers to look after our kids

I sort of get the sentiment behind it, but the tone of smuggery just irks me, and the post is so skewed to mums, what about dads. The author claims she is a feminist, but I can't see it.

I would agree that it is defensive and limited and gendered. It seems to come from a lentil weaving place.

Yes sh1T, no mention of fathers staying at home.

It's trotting out the "women leaving children to go to work damages them" stereotype, with pseudo "evidence" from her experience as a therapist and smuggery about her choice to stay at home.

Choice being something that, judging by her negative response to nick clegg's intention to fund more preschool places etc, she doesn't feel should be available to others.

sh1t (great name, btw) , my friend would be really pissed at both the allegation that working mothers were damaging their children and that only mothers (and not fathers, it seems) are the best people to raise young ones. Come to think of it, I wonder what the author thinks of adoptive mothers. They're "strangers" to their children at first too, aren't they?

actually i take that back. nothing wrong with lentils

It is the holier than thou tone that I cannot abide.

Ha ha! Had a good laugh at sh1t's last comment :0

Yes, don't knock lentil-weaving please!

she's got a post-grad degree and still cant even spell 'practise' right...

The one about the lentils....

YANBU, and I'm a SAHM. But I tend to take a dislike to any article that implies not doing something/doing something (within reason, obviously) will totally mess your child up for the rest of their lives so I have to say that the other article made me itch a bit too.

no I take it back, I can knock out a lovely bit of knitting, sweing, felting. I am a "baby wearer" (boak).

Just the tone, the tone, the tone of, "i am complete, my children fufill me, their life is my life, that is all I have to offer, that is enough."

My brother was brought up by Our mother in traditional style, mum at home, dad at work, marital harmony, caring parents. He has spent a good deal of his teenage and adult life in secure institutions/prisons. I wish these people who think they're experts would talk to some of us with a broader life experience before making their judgements.

I was annoyed by her feeling so superior to 50s housewives. Er, some of them had degrees, a lot had done non-traditional jobs during the war and many did lots of things in the community, they did not have their horizons limited to baking .

and I should say that if that is what you desire, and what you crave to do, and no more, then more power to you. But I hate this agenda pushing, sexist drivel. It offends me.

posh sorry about your brother, that is tough.

"The fact is, it's NOT always best for a baby to be cared for by her mother 24/7. It depends on the individual situation. Not all mothers are identical. And not all paid childcare is identical"

No - if the mother/father is abusive or depressed and quality childcare is available then that is the best option.

However most mothers/fathers aren't abusive or depressed and much of our childcare provision in the UK is shit.

I have major misgivings about children between 0 and 3 being in full-time group childcare.

And that's speaking as someone who's taught nursery nurses. (I've taught on CACHE and NNEB courses).

I was raised by a SAHM until my little sister was about 6.

I am the least confident, wimpiest, most neurotic, self-harming (in my teens) mess you may ever meet .

My DC's (5.6 and 3.7) were at nursery from 12 months and are super confident, outgoing and bright as buttons.

'Paid strangers' don't smack, yell or hide in the kitchen for a cup of tea .

I agree with Shagmund

Too much time on her hands.

As a non-nurturing type of person, I'm sure my ds would agree that he was pretty lucky I shoved him off to nursery. Blessed relief for us both.

shag that is really interesting, I would really back more money, value and expertise being added to child care roles.

I have used a CM, and she was excellent. I mean excellent, well known and valued in the community, a real home from home with her and her husband. Also a CM.
Surely I am not the only one who has found quality childcare?

sh1t - I may know the one ....

Thanks sh1t, it was tough actually, for all of us. I do get annoyed by the 'it's all down to the way children are brought up' line that we seem to hear so much.

"But I hate this agenda pushing"

The agenda that's being pushed in the UK at present is one which wants all mothers working. Including those with small children.

Employing young, not infrequently poorly educated and poorly parented women on minimum wage to look after three babies at a time, usually in one room for the bulk of the day, is the reality of most group childcare in the UK.

It's shit. How can anyone think that situation is acceptable to being at home with a loving parent?

Obviously some families need both parents to work for the sake of paying the mortgage, but lets stop pretending that childcare doesn't have its problems.

So she is infering that working mothers are in fact abusing their children?

OK, it's not explicit, but with all her talk of walking wounded and the 'hands on' experience she has of the devastating impact of abuse in an article about WOHM / SAHM the implication is most definitely there.

Same old, same old then really.

It's a good job I am secure in my choices otherwise articles like this would thoroughly depress me.

At least I have the name of a therapist to be avoided should she go back to work when my children inevitably need therapy in the future because DH and I both work

sh1t - there is good quality childcare out there. But the best quality doesn't pretend to be all about 'education'. It's about providing a secure and nurturing environment for tiny children.

I've got a real bee in my bonnet about the quality of provision in many private nurseries though.

I adored and still adore my SAHM mum, but she was a bit loopy through most my childhood due to depression and an unfaithful DH. I think a mix of her and a balanced child carer would have done me the world of good, because it took me years to untangle the weird stuff in my head from DM. I'm a SAHM BTW but only coz I can't find a pt job :( I love it but would like to get out more....