Fucking hell im so upset and downright furious

[WhaleOilBeefHookedIWill]

A letter on a scrap of paper has been sent through my front door. It claims to be from a 'concerned' resident in the close which reads.

'Dear Neighbour,
I write to you out of concern for the value of my home and others in the cul de sac. I have written to yourself and two other residents in the close. Firstly I would like to apologise if this offends you in any way but I feel it needs to be said.
I appreciate that we all live very busy lives but I feel that we owe it to each other to spend a small amount of time on the upkeep of our property. I can only pressume that you did not realize your home looks a mess. I feel concerned for the value of my home and feel we owe it to each other to make an effort to keep our homes looking nice.
Your house reminds me of a poverty stricken council house with toys regularly strewn on your drive and your blinds look a mess. Once again I apologise if this offends you but again I would like to be told if I was upsetting others around me.

I want to know why your blinds look a mess - what's wrong with them?

And I can't believe that nobody's mentioned meerkats yet. There's a house round the corner from us that has meerkats looking out of the sitting room window, plus the front garden is full of meerkat garden ornaments. It's so tacky it's actually hilarious.

I have some photos on the window ledge so the blinds don't always 'sit' just so... Never realised people stared so intently at the angle of the dangle so to speak!!!

Console yourself with the fact it is the most pants time ever to sell (unless you live in London). Doubt your garden is going to prevent their sale or the value of their house - but the lack of proceedable buyers and downturn in the market might!!!!
That note would make me very stabby indeed.

Make it messier out there with any previous suggestions. Set up a camera/recording device or keep watch in stealth mode and see who comes to post another note. Leap out at them/confront them at later date.

Change your wireless name to my neighbour is a nutter !

Maybe you could borrow <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?um=1&hl=en&biw=1031&bih=355&tbm=isch&tbnid=UOoT-58ImK5FtM:&imgrefurl=forum.chatdd.com/photo-gallery-wallpapers-world/55681-worst-garden-street.html&docid=rUq6OTEM94HQ_M&imgurl=i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/04/21/article-0-093A119C000005DC-885_468x410.jpg&w=468&h=410&ei=fN6XT8W4NKSP0AWV57nzBQ&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=220&sig=117694681649316553584&page=2&tbnh=106&tbnw=119&start=14&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:14,i:104&tx=72&ty=62" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this banner

Get the banner!!

I bought a house a few years ago. We had a long list of necessary features and a equally long list of desirable but not necessary ones.

You know, good local schools, enough bedrooms, house in good condition, bit of garden, not too far from our place of work, etc, etc, etc. Surprisingly, "no toys on next door's lawn" wasn't one of them. I don't know how I missed that one off.

A few toys on next door's lawn will not change anything to the price of your house. Your buyers maybe well be a family with children themselves and be pleased to see evidence of children/easygoing neighbours. (Had we thought about it, I think toys on nearby lawns would have been a plus.)

What a cheek!!

When we moved in here, our vendors kindly left in the back garden a beautiful and tasteful stone ornament depicting two pigs shagging with the words 'Pigging it' in decorative script below. You are very welcome to borrow it for your front garden for the letter-writer's delectation. A fresh coat of glow-in-the-dark pink paint might add the perfect finishing touch.

That banner is fantastic!

What a wanker! I'd set up a camera that records movement from an upstairs window so you can see who it is, and then report them to your local pcso for harrassment. See how they like them apples.

OP, Looks like I'm going to have to scrap my car
You could have it for your front garden, up on bricks obviously-
paints it swirly colours-
hang wind chimes from the wing mirrors-
that would take the focus away from your blinds

We had complaint as our caravan is on our driveway, the woman concerned that it made the street look "messy", but we think the real reason is because she cant see all the way down the street, as, being she is very nosey, it blocks her view!
My husband got a written quote from a local caravan storage place and posted it through her door with a covering letter explaining that they needed a deposit and a direct debit form filled in before thay would accept the 'van, and could they let us know as soon as she had done this so we could take the caravan there. We never heard anything more.....

Definitely laminate note AND your reply and stick it on your gate for ALL to read.

I would also be tempted to do a fake planning application to paint your house "efferverscent shitstain".

When you find out who it is you should say: "You're one to talk. Your bedroom ceiling is decked with spider webs and you don't even iron your husband's boxer shorts. Also there are toys all over the back seat of your car. It really disrupts the mood."

Definitely yes to the mattress and washing machine. And everything taxiform said.

A full light up nativity scene might work well as well.

I think you should also rip holes in your black bin bags before you take them out and ensure that you have strewn rubbish on the front garden as well - meat packaging and beer cans works well.

You can then also have a blind that says 'Fucking Foxes' on it.

Poverty sticken council house how bloody rude. Dont tidy up and have a few loud parties as well. Some people are just so rude and dont live in the real world. Do you have any idea who would have sent this? Its a bit odd

My favourite suggestion so far is the fake turds. I was going to suggest those horrible giant ladybirds that some people stick to the outside of their houses, but perhaps you stick the turds up instead, you know, as art, like salvador dali's house images.travelpod.com/users/ulka/7.1250216469.salvador-dali-s-museum-figueres.jpg. They look much more turdy in RL :)

We had an anonymous letter years ago about our front garden. TBF the grass had got a bit long, but DH and I were both workinjg long hours and every weekend was wet!! I wouldn't have minded if someone had spoken to us directly, but it was the cowardly underhandedness of the anonymous letter that wound me up.

Another offer of garden junk here too!! An old boiler in bits and two defunct hoovers :)

I think you need to post this through your neighbour's doors...
Linky

A scale representation of the Cerne Abbas giant?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerne_Abbas_Giant

A while back We had a neighbour complain to us (tbf in person but only after Lighting a fing bonfire in his parking space next to ours while we were out and not telling us so we had nowhere to park when we got home) about the state of our windows! Yes they are wooden and peeling a bit but I think it was highly rude of him to say "Well everyone in the street is talking about how awful they look and you are the only house who hasnt got them done its time you spent some fing money on the house! Dont tell me you have none cos you go out all the time!"

Well (a) We go out twice a week to choir, once to my band, and every other weekend to our parents..... Not exactly expensive nights out!
(b) at the time I was working min wage (still am) and DH had been made redundant and we had a new baby so had next to no money!!

I politely told him this but said that we would be happy to get them redone if he and the rest of the street could find us the money to do so! I also told him that some people have higher priorities, such as family, than spending money on cosmetic things like slightly peeling windows!!

(A house opposite us sold for its full expected price even with 'our windows' so go figure!)

The Cerne Abbas giant might be possible on a lawn with weed killer :)

Im glad to see its not just me with wanky neighbours, not that i'd wish them on anyone else but you know its not just my exclusive 'cul de sac' with the curtain twitchers out in force!

ha ha ha at the Cerne Abbas giant.

In all my days it has never occured to me to keep the front of my house nice to preserve the neighbours' house price. That's hilarious. Things I have never, ever, ever worried about.

Sorry but PMSL at Tethers and her 40ft wooden cross

You HAVE to