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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

481 replies

FedupwithDisney · 24/04/2012 20:45

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

OP posts:
SodoffBaldrick · 26/04/2012 03:33

Goodness me, some men reallly have to fully about-face their spin, depending on the topic of conversation, don't they?!

Whenever we have a generic lap-dancing/stripper thread, you get the odd male MNer coming on to crow at the women who say 'their husband would never go to a strip club / have a lap dance / use porn / a prostitute' / delete as applicable - they laugh in their virtual face, and tell them they're naive, deluded, have their head in the sand - that every man does and would do at least one of these things, now or certainly in the past. They make women who trust their husbands look like brainwashed fools.

Every time there is such a thread, you can guarantee there will be 1 or 2 men popping in to say exactly these things.

Now we have this thread and suddenly it's highly unlikely that these same good, decent men/husbands/fathers would ever be suckered into one of the most insidious and persuasive sex trades on the planet. Right.

Which is it?

In any case, no-one here is saying that it's a foregone conclusion that the OP's DH will use a prostitute (underage or otherwise); rather that it is far more likely he will than in pretty much any other scenario he might find himself in - AND that given he is very much a type (the type to announce rather than discuss holidays with his wife, and the type to do whatever he can to swerve family commitments), then it's fairly easy for anyone whose spent any time in the world to draw their conclusions.

TheBossofMe · 26/04/2012 03:55

Fuck me, I live in Thailand and I still wouldn't be happy for my DH to go out on a stag do here. Even if all they do is watch a show, that's still a show put on by prostitutes who are virtual slaves, probaby trafficked and very likely to be underage.

3 friends here have married since we moved here. 1 had his stag in the winelands (lots of booze, plenty of fun, no hookers allowed on site). 1 went river rafting a camping (again lots of booze, but no girls). 1 flew to Singapore. That's what decent men do here. If a man is having his stag in either Bangkok or Phuket and it involves bars, drinking, Patong/Patpong/Cowboy/Nana, then its not the kind of stag any decent man should want to go on.

They have prostitutes with milk teeth here, you know. Think about that.

TheBossofMe · 26/04/2012 03:58

Oh, and even if he doesn't use hookers, he's supporting the child and forced sex industry by drinking in those bars.

Nice.

SodoffBaldrick · 26/04/2012 04:05

Heh, just caught up on the Lapdance thread, and right at the end there's a regular MNer - and not even a male one - proving my point just made. That essentially no men are immune to the charms of the sex industry and that if their wives/partners aren't happy about it, then they just lie and cover it up. She 'shakes her head' at the women who believe their husbands hate porn.

And then we're supposed to believe that any man who goes to a stag do in Thailand is suddenly going to become all moral and abstemious, hanging out in his hotel room, reading the newspaper and filing his nails, while other, lesser gentlemen partake of the various offerings...?

Yeah, right.

TheBossofMe · 26/04/2012 04:23

I'm struggling to think of a reason why someone would have their stag in Thailand rather than any of the other beautiful countries its possible to visit, unless its to access the sex industry.

And whoever said imagine being the bride who's husband had his stag in Thailand - I know! Walking down the aisle knowing that every guest knows that your husband screwed pros only a few weeks ago. Eeeeeww.

diddl · 26/04/2012 07:36

I agree TheBoss

If you just want to get pissed in the sun, seems a bit long haul/expensive.

vincettenoir · 26/04/2012 07:47

My dp is on a stag in Shagaluf right now while I'm working long days and would murder a holiday so I know how you feel. I can totally see whiy you're annoyed. However, I wouldn't try and make him miss out. just make it clear that you are being very graceful staying at home with the kids and he owes you one big time.

Malificence · 26/04/2012 07:58

Thebossofme has said everything I was going to - It's beyond belief that a group of men would go to Thailand for a stag do for any other reason than to actively participate in the sex industry.

DH and I won't even visit Thailand because we couldn't bear to be sat on a plane knowing that a fair proportion of the men also sat there are travelling to have sex with children or prostituted adults who were forced into the industry as children. It's beyond vile.

Aboutlastnight · 26/04/2012 08:15

Although he could just be going to a full moon party...

DialsMavis · 26/04/2012 09:00

I thought maybe for a full moon party, hilarious if they have. A group of past it blokes at a party that peaked 20 years ago

Original poster
FedupwithDisney · 26/04/2012 10:24

Ok, so spoke to DH last night. Turns out he had a moan to some male colleagues yesterday about how U I was to be upset by this, they told him he was being U and this shocked him a bit.
Now he's had a chance to think about it properly he can see how ridiculous it is. I really think he just hadn't thought about the implications in terms of time/money not to mention the chosen destination itself. He has resigned himself to the fact he's not going and I didn't even have to get too upset about it! In fact, he was apologising for even considering it 😄.
The stag is still up for it though, he wants to go to that Moon party thing mentioned above (no idea what that is). He recently went to Las Vegas for a stag so guess that's the kind of circles he moves in.
The bride doesn't know anything about this yet as far as I can make out. Would love to be a fly on the wall when she finds out.

OP posts:
GinPalace · 26/04/2012 10:27

OOOOooo those are interesting developments!!

Wonder why the stag doesn't just take his bride there on honeymoon if he is so keen to got the moon party!!! Confused

I am cheered to hear your DH was being a muppet temporarily only and has come around without major force having to be applied - relieved for you too. :)

If you hear the brides reaction - do update the thread won't you. Grin

StealthPolarBear · 26/04/2012 10:28

Glad he has realised he wbu and has decent colleagues :o annoying that he winged about you at work tho

Aboutlastnight · 26/04/2012 10:31

I went to one about 17 years ago and it was fun. Friend went in 2000 and said that atmosphere was not great. Lots of hammered drugged up guys, hordes of them standing pissing in the sea.

Glad your DP saw sense in the end. Can't groom choose a more sensible destination - surely it's much more fun if all your pals are with you.

OhdearNigel · 26/04/2012 10:31

Good result OP. Bet you are relieved you didn't have to have a huge row

DialMforMummy · 26/04/2012 10:35

Well, that's good although it's a bit of a shame that he trusts his colleagues' judgement rather than yours.
When the dust settles, you may want to have a chat about how he was quite prepared to take a week off to get hammered in the tropics rather than supporting you with your new baby or be nagged to book a holiday with his family.

Hownoobrooncoo · 26/04/2012 10:40

Oh well, result then - glad it was sorted out. Wonder how many other mates will drop out, let us know how it goes.

BlueFergie · 26/04/2012 10:43

Yeah I wondered was it the full moon party alright. It is one of those things that was legendary when I was in my 20s so maybe groom has always had a hankering to go to one.
TBF they are defo more of a group of friends activity rather than a honeymoon one. Also o ly happen at full moons so awkward to time a honeymoon around one. Much easier to say let's do the stag whenever there is one. Glad your H has seen the light OP.

HipHopOpotomus · 26/04/2012 10:46

Great result OP - sometimes it pays to stew for a while before saying anything!!!

Glad it all got resolved without you having to make a "fuss". LOVE LOVE LOVE those male colleagues!!!!!! Go them!

PosieParker · 26/04/2012 10:49

Gross. This would be a proper deal breaker for me.

PosieParker · 26/04/2012 10:49

Well done OP!!

Quenelle · 26/04/2012 10:52

Glad to hear DH has seen sense OP, and good for him for apologising! Sounds like he just got carried away with the stag's plans without thinking of the implications.

I would hate to be marrying that stag though. He sounds like a nob.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/04/2012 10:52

Glad you've got it sorted OP, I was wondering how you'd got on.

I'd give him a slap though for slagging you off to his colleagues Grin

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 26/04/2012 10:53

And yep I totally agree Quenelle I would hate to marry him too!

Devora · 26/04/2012 11:00

Great result Smile