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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

481 replies

FedupwithDisney · 24/04/2012 20:45

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

OP posts:
carernotasaint · 25/04/2012 23:55

And NO WHERE in HappyMummyofone"s post does she say that her and her OH do it as a couple so i think you are seeing what you want to see.

Nyac · 26/04/2012 00:04

70% of men who go to Thailand on holiday are complete scum who are stealing precious oxygen from our atmosphere.

That isn't an all men are dirty bastards approach forv, that's being realistic about the kind of men who go to Thailand as sex tourists, or perhaps rape tourists would be more accurate.

forvraiment · 26/04/2012 00:06

Apologies - what I believe, and it echoes but does not mirror HappyMummyofone's post but I believe is in the same vein, is that there is nothing wrong continuing to do the things you enjoyed as a couple before you met/had children (in my case) be it together as a couple or alone (in your own space)...

As for her being a hypocrite - it seems as if you are seeing what you want to see from past history - in the context on of this thread what she said seems entirely reasonable and measured.

dreamingbohemian · 26/04/2012 00:07

'Yes there have been a couple strip clubs, but always as a tick box for the groom'

So realistically, a stag do in Thailand would also include some strip clubs?

Do you even realise you're proving the point that you think you're arguing against?

Btw those strip clubs in Thailand are full of abused teenage girls. But hey, no problem, you'd just be making a quick appearance so it's okay...

Nyac · 26/04/2012 00:09

You know who is dangerously naive? The women who trust men who go on these stag trips to prostitution destinations and somehow believe that their man is different.

When they get out there all those men are acting exactly the same.

The people who are trying to claim on this thread that it doesn't happen aren't being naive, but something else, I'm not sure what.

TheOtherSideOfTheCoin · 26/04/2012 00:13

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forvraiment · 26/04/2012 00:15

out of interest, and I haven't trailed through this thread, where has this 70% men going to thailand are complete scum figure come from.?

The 2 strip clubs in the UK i've been to were well above board and I can honestly say provided far better pay & conditions than for the butlers in the buff that seem to titillate the majority of hen dos I hear about.

You do not need to be up-to-date on current affairs to know about the exploitation in the under-regulated sex industry in thailand (& elsewhere!) and to make the decision to be part of it. I wouldn't and the point I'm trying to make is that I think you'd be surprised that not every man going to thailand would want to either...

carernotasaint · 26/04/2012 00:18

Another good example of hypocrisy is the fact that men who go to these destinations/strip clubs/lap dance clubs etc would go ape shit if their wife/sister/daughter wanted to become a lap dancer.
Its not until faced with it closer to home that they can see the dangers.
Until then it is all "harmless fun"

dreamingbohemian · 26/04/2012 00:19

If you would read the thread you would know that no one here has suggested that every man going to Thailand is going as a sex tourist.

How can this be the worst thread you've ever read if you haven't even read it? FFS.

forvraiment · 26/04/2012 00:21

Right - in which case the suggestion that 70% of men going to thailand is complete scum...

TheOtherSideOfTheCoin · 26/04/2012 00:23

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carernotasaint · 26/04/2012 00:23

Not the OPs DH are you?

dreamingbohemian · 26/04/2012 00:23

Yes. 70% is not 100%. This is true.

Nyac · 26/04/2012 00:24

70% of men going on holiday to Thailand are sex tourists.

Sex tourists = rapist scum who shouldn't even be on this planet, given the suffering they cause to women and children

HTH

dreamingbohemian · 26/04/2012 00:29

Nyac Grin

forvraiment · 26/04/2012 00:35

I am going to step down as sleep is calling and I fear the pack... I'm not the OP's DH, but I do feel sorry for him, assuming he is part of the 30%...

People work bloody hard to provide for their families but, yes, it sounds as if the DH should try and spend a bit more time with his. However, I can attest to the peer pressure to attend stags and in this case it is for his best man so clearly a very close friend so this should in itself be a once in a lifetime request. I have turned stag trips down but would find it very hard if it was for my best man.

Financially it sounds as if they can afford it and at least he has the good grace to be grovelling.

The issue seems to have bellowed from being a question as to whether he should be spending the money and time away from his family to damning him as a sex tourist. This is what I objected to and the reason why I felt compelled to enter the fray - & I still think it might be reasonable for him to go, as long as the grovelling continues.

maras2 · 26/04/2012 00:40

Oh.Get real you silly person.Never mind that the Stag party is in a sex tourism spot.but a whole week? You are nuts.

carernotasaint · 26/04/2012 00:42

Why is it that men can use peer pressure as an excuse but you hardly ever hear women saying the same thing.
And you feel sorry for him? Christ on a fucking bike.
You want to know who i feel sorry for???!!!! the young women/men/boys/girls... a lot of whom are underage who are pimped out and forced to sell themselves because of poverty or to avoid getting a beating from their pimp.
And the OPs DH can do anything he wants despite his family as long as he grovels enough. FOR FUCKS SAKE!

carernotasaint · 26/04/2012 00:46

"Financially it sounds as though they can afford it"
Um dont you watch the news! We have just entered back into recession.
What if the OPs DH lost his job just after going on this "jolly"
Do you really think the resentment afterwards wouldnt affect the marrage? Not to mention resentment caused by the obvious reasons which i have already mentioned above.

garlicnutter · 26/04/2012 00:59

40% of the Thai economy comes from sex tourism. Thai government's own figure.

Actually a lot of the young women do it by choice, if you can call having to choose between prostitution and indigence a choice. This is because, with the economy being dependent on sex tourism, it's where the jobs are. The working conditions are dreadful. A lot of the women hope for some 1st-world man to marry them as it's the only exit they can see ... swapping short-term prostitution for a lifetime contract.

When men hire a 'girlfriend', they know they're exploiting a desperate young woman's hopes that he will fall in love with her and save her from her fate.

minimisschief · 26/04/2012 01:09

you must think very little of men if you automatically assume they are off to seep with prostitutes.

theodorakis · 26/04/2012 01:18

All of the girls I saw being pulled down the streets by gangs of western men were underage, that's the point. I saw boys as young as 5 or 6 being pimped openly on the street. Thank you terrypratchet for explaining it much better than me

maras2 · 26/04/2012 01:25

Mini.How stupid are you to think that a group of Stags go to Thailand for any other reason?

maras2 · 26/04/2012 01:30

Sorry.Not necessarily stupid but very naive.

northcountrygirl · 26/04/2012 02:27

I haven't commented before as everyone else seemed to be kind of echoing my own thoughts. I think I may be the first person to say this though(?). I would probably divorce my husband for even TELLING ME about the trip to Thailand.

I would not want to be married to someone who thinks it's ok to support the sex industry in Thailand, and in particular who would condone others raping children. Whilst I (and probably many other sucker wives) would like to think my own husband would not participate in the sex industry, the very fact that he would be part of a group of men who would (almost certainly) be committing these acts would make him complicate in the abuse.

I would not want this type of man to be a father to my children or to be married to me.

The poster who likened this to watching child porn but not "actively taking part" is absolutely spot on.

And that's before even getting to the parental leave, money issues, lack of family time etc.