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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed DH wants to go on a Stag do to Thailand

481 replies

FedupwithDisney · 24/04/2012 20:45

My DH has just announced that one of his best mates (was DH's Best Man) is having his Stag do in Thailand for a week later this year and he will be going.

I am pretty annoyed. Every time I ask him to book time off work to do something as a family I get "it's not a good time at work" "I'm too busy" etc. We do have some family holiday time booked, but it's been a battle to get him to do it. He hasn't even taken all his Paternity leave that he is entitled to as work is "so busy" (DD2 is 12 weeks old). He does have a good job and I understand the pressures but how come he can suddenly take off a week for this?

If he goes I will be at home with a 3yo and a 8 mo. Guess I'll cope, I don't see him much in the week as it is, but I'm annoyed that he'll be away having a ball and I'll be dealing with the kids on my own for a week.

I'm also annoyed about the money. Surely it will cost loads. We're comfortable, but certainly not rolling in it. He gets a bonus in August which he's probably planning on using but I can think of much better things we could spend this money on like trips for the DC's and stuff for the house.

AIBU to be annoyed? He knows I'm pissed off and is sucking up to me big time, making the dinner and tidying up!

OP posts:
TiggyD · 24/04/2012 21:07

I think you're very mean to not let your husband go off and have sex with a ladyboy.

amandine07 · 24/04/2012 21:10

WTF is going on with all these stag do trips abroad- I thought Prague & Latvia was as far as people ventured?!

Thailand is long haul, a 12 hour flight and the tickets don't come cheap.

This sounds more like an annual holiday than a stag do!

My OH has been invited on a boys trip to Vegas, for no particular reason, he seems keen but knows I'm not happy...I am pissed off as he can't even commit to a holiday for just us two, last one we had was a couple of years ago.

Sidge · 24/04/2012 21:10

I can only think of one reason why a group of men would want to go to Thailand for a week Hmm

If they just want a week long piss up in a place with nice weather and some beaches tell them to go to the Isle of Wight...

PurplePidjin · 24/04/2012 21:11

My DH has just announced

This is the bit I would have a massive problem with. Where's the discussion, respect, partnership?

Fwiw if dp wanted to go to the moon for a month, it would be open for discussion - but no fucking way would I be happy to be informed.

charlie69 · 24/04/2012 21:12

No I would not like this at all. What is it with stag and hens do's now. Surely it should just me a meeting of friends and family in a local pub having a laugh and a drink to them. It is not just the cost, it is too far a way, a full week and you are being left to take sole responsibility for the childcare. I know how hard it is to manage one young child, on my own all day without much help and boy, it is hard. Wont the children miss him. What would upset me is that he wants to go. Wouldnt you hope that he would say "thanks but no thanks". I would tell him quite clearly how I feel and that he will not be getting your blessing. Explain to him that the costs would go towards a family getaway and ask him how he would feel if the boot was on the other foot. I would not demand nor would I tell him he will not be going as that will make him even more determined but hopefully this should be enough to plant a seed of doubt.

If however he insists and goes, I would do the same myself. I would book a nice little holiday with my mom/friend and tell him so he can get time off work to look after the kids. I take it you do not work and he does?

GinPalace · 24/04/2012 21:14

That would be a no from me and I am a liberal and trusting wife!!!

Don't know what marital situation the majority of the group are in to have decided that's a reasonable idea - but a week in Thailand is inching towards once-in-a-lifetime-holiday territory not a let your hair down with your mates thing.

The cost in terms of time and money is unreasonable with two very small ones at home, unless you have a reciprocal arrangement and can cope with the sleaze factor. Even then, at such a time in your life as with new baby and all that does/could entail it is a poor idea. Is he the only one with kids?

The underage prozzies, ladyboys, pingpong girls etc etc eeewwwww

Why else would you go all that way? It isn't just for the scuba diving and temples is it, if its thailand stag do!!! Hmm

OurPlanetNeptune · 24/04/2012 21:15

I read the OP to my husband and he pretty much said what Tiggy said. Grin

He tells the only men who would want to go to stag do there are DPBs (Dirty Perverted Bastards).

Aboutlastnight · 24/04/2012 21:15

ladyboys always make me think of Alan Partridge Grin

GinPalace · 24/04/2012 21:16

and Purple is right - he isn't exactly considerate of you the way he takes rather large decisions is he! :(

tethersend · 24/04/2012 21:16

Thailand?

Is his best mate Gary Glitter?

OurPlanetNeptune · 24/04/2012 21:17

He tells me

LentillyFart · 24/04/2012 21:17

The last chap I knew who went on a stag to Thailand had to fly home early due to trauma. This is perfectly true - he found out that the lady blowing him off was actually not a lady at all. Ok - he was single at the time and this was some years ago but he was seriously upset about it! Grin

Devora · 24/04/2012 21:18

Just the Thailand bit would do it for me. Yuck. You DO know what they'll be doing out there, don't you?

Devora · 24/04/2012 21:19

Just to clarify: I'm not saying your dh will necessarily join in, but his party certainly will.

amandine07 · 24/04/2012 21:19

Seriously what is the point of travelling that far?

They may as well head for a Spanish island for a long wk end...stag dos seem to be just one long booze up. So long as there is sunshine, a beach and bars there is no need to go that far!

Just out of interest, is there a Thailand connection/any particular reason for choosing that destination? Maybe they are going to try and re-create The Hangover II....

StrawberrytallCAKE · 24/04/2012 21:20

FreudianSlipper hit it on the head with Thailand making Amsterdam look like a village tea party.

YANBU if dh did this I would leave him.

FeakAndWeeble · 24/04/2012 21:20

No fecking way would I be OK with this. Ew ew ew ew ew ew.

thebody · 24/04/2012 21:21

He sounds selfish. It's a long haul flight so expensive.. And defiantly seedy, my dc went on his gap year and even he said bangkok was seedy!

Of course it's difficult, if u say no he might go anyway and you will look like the bitch if he tells the lads he not allowed.

I would swallow this, make him grovel, tell him he needs to book a family holiday as well and make a damn good effort to be around more.

And when u feel like it book a girls break with your mates.

MrsTerryPratchett · 24/04/2012 21:21

I will bet anyone a million pounds that at least one of the party have sex with someone under 16. I have spent a lot of time in SE Asia and the stag parties were utterly repulsive. Ask where in Thailand and if he says Pattaya divorce him.

TiggyD · 24/04/2012 21:22

On the bright side,

he might come back home with a great pair of tits!

mycatsaysach · 24/04/2012 21:22

helloooooooooooo? op

thailand - really??

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2012 21:25

My God, Thailand for a stag do?

What happened to a pint and a couple of pies down the pub? Grin

GinPalace · 24/04/2012 21:25

And unless my trust levels were really really good I'd be wanting condoms at least, for a while followed by the all clear from the sexual health clinic before I went near his knob again.

Aboutlastnight · 24/04/2012 21:27

I don't know if the op would see that as plus, Tiggy Grin

Original poster
FedupwithDisney · 24/04/2012 21:33

I don't know, perhaps he could help with the breast feeding!!

OP posts: