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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected my son to have been fed?

373 replies

AngelWreakinHavoc · 23/04/2012 17:11

I wont blab on I will get straight to the point!

My ds (15) stayed at his friends house for the weekend, Friday night till Sunday night. All the time he was there he was not fed, no breakfast,lunch,tea, a snack NOTHING!

I made sure he ate friday before he went there but he asked for something to eat later on and was told he would have to buy his own food. At first in discussion with my OH we thought 'oh dear they must be skint and have no food in' then I thought well they either should have said he couldnt stay or shared food equally (I have done it many times fed loads of kids with very little food).

THEN......My ds told me, friday night they had a chinese and saturday night they had an indian, It beggers belief, My ds friends Dad drove them to the indian ordered food for the family then took my ds to the shop to get himself a microwave curry.Over the weekend all he had was 2 micro meals and a bought sandwich Luckily my ds had £10 with him which I presumed he would be spending on sweets probably a 4 pack (general stuff a 15yr old boy would buy).

I would not dream of having anyone stay at my house and not feed them or aibu?

OP posts:
LesAnimaux · 23/04/2012 21:30

I'm just curious why the lad didn't just go home. That's what I would have done at 15, unless I was very far from home. I think by Sunday morning I would have been heading back to my house for some food.

hatesponge · 23/04/2012 21:46

That's pretty appalling. Some people are utter tight arses though - I've got friends who offer visitors any old crap to eat & drink (though I guess at least they offer something) and save the good stuff for when they're on their own Hmm. I know one person who keeps a cupboard of out of date food specifically for this purpose Shock

DS1 has a friend who barely eats - friend has been here & I've never known him to eat more than a sandwich or a couple of slices of pizza in 24 hours. DS ends up starving when he goes there overnight as he only gets offered the same as his friend eats so now takes extra snacks!

fluffypillow · 23/04/2012 22:34

Very, very strange. I have never heard anything like it. If you have guests, then you offer them, at the very least, what you are having, if not something special for a treat(especially kids). It's just basic manners.

Please don't let Ds go there again. Those people are just cruel.

probatequestion · 23/04/2012 22:43

LesAnimaux, he didn't go home because the op was away until sunday night so there was no-one at home.

LesAnimaux · 23/04/2012 23:08

Yes, but there would be food at home. I'm sure there is a logical reason (my DS wouldn't think to take his key with him if staying at a friends). Or even why he didn't go to another friends house (something else I would have done) - but I do understand teenage boys think very differently to me about things.

DoesItComeInBlack · 23/04/2012 23:14

They are complete weirdo's my eldest is 20 and when his mates are round I feed them all( like someone said extra pasta in the pasta bake, more grated carrot in the bolognaise sauce or chilli, etc) I wouldn't dream of not feeding everyone in the house at a mealtime, I just make something cheap. And not letting him in to use the loo/ shower is just strange. I've had 6 of them camping in DS bedroom and fed them all toast at breakfast and let them use the shower, surely that's just what you do? As for the beer thing ffs, they are 15, at least the OP is realistic enough to know it happens and can keep an eye on them. YANU.

ComposHat · 23/04/2012 23:15

YANBU!

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 23/04/2012 23:22

To the judgey pant wearers about the beer comment, I let my DS have a beer from the age of 15 ish if he wanted one. At first he would have one if it was offered just to appear grown up I think, but after a while he admitted he didnt like it.

He would try wine sometimes and didnt like that either. Now, at 21, he doesnt drink at all and has no issues with it. He was quite happy on coke at his 21st when those of us old enough to know better got more than a wee bit merry!

Allowing a teenager to drink removes the mystery and ime makes them less likely to become piss heads later. My sister and I were both not allowed to drink, and both got a bollocking for drinking on my wedding day (sis was BM) as it wasnt seemly! When we hit 18 we both went mad, and both got into some very dodgy situations because we were on benders.

KickArseQueen · 23/04/2012 23:23

Limejelly, on page 6, that is awful! At least a 15 year old with a phone has a choice of whether to call his mum, you didn't. Leaving a child to sleep on the floor like that is child cruelty in my eyes.

OP Your son's friends family sound more than a little nuts! YANBU!

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 23/04/2012 23:23

I should say I was 26 when I got married, DSis was 24 at the time! I just realised that my post above makes it look like I married at 16 or something :o

GlitterPunk · 23/04/2012 23:31

awful! horrible!

I feed every belly that walks into my house...if they want feeding or not, no one walks away hungry.

CountessChestyMcBoobdeLuscious · 23/04/2012 23:37

I just cant get my head around the concept that they thought this would be ok!
The only thing I can think of is if the parents thought that he was their sons guest, not theirs (that is if I understood correctly that they stayed in the caravan?) and so it was his responsibility to see him fed. Perhaps he hadnt asked his parents if it was ok for the OPs DS to stay? Its the only thing that makes any sense to me, and even then its dodgy tbh.

I am a feeder, you walk into my house, you will be rolled out of it! The only time a guest wouldnt be fed is if they were having a meal within 30 seconds a short time after leaving my house.

Loonytoonie · 24/04/2012 05:49

I feed every belly that walks into my house...if they want feeding or not, no one walks away hungry.

That's exactly how I feel too. Well said, Glitter

WMDinthekitchen · 24/04/2012 05:55

I rather hope that the mother concerned is a MNer and will see this thread. Bizarre.

fuzzpig · 24/04/2012 06:29
Shock

How tight can one family be?! It can't be a money issue as they could afford two takeaways.

I am amazed they even let him use the microwave Hmm

I think you are lovely to still bring the boy on holiday, TBH I would be using the opportunity to work out (by spending time with him) whether or not he is actually nice enough for your DS to be friends with.

bejeezus · 24/04/2012 07:06

I feel a bit concerned for your sons friend. Were his parents trying to humiliate him? It's so obviously not ok to treat a guest like this, it feels a bit sinister
Does the boy have friends to his house usually? Regularly? Are friends normally allowed in his house? Does he seem ok?

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 24/04/2012 08:21

Me too, bejeezus. And along the same lines as chipmunk I wonder if they're hiding something (filth they anticipated cleaning up when your ds was invited, but didn't manage too?).

jalopy · 24/04/2012 08:25

I'd print this thread and send it to them in a thank you card.

wolvesarejustoldendaydogs · 24/04/2012 08:34

MrBojangles - your poor DS. That really got to me. My DS has to eat a restricted diet and I would be so upset/angry if that were to happen to him. :(

Bletchley · 24/04/2012 08:53

Is it possible that the parents hadn't actually invited him and didn't really want him there? That the staying over was concocted between the lads? Not that it excuses the parents' behaviour, but it might kind of explain it.

Thumbwitch · 24/04/2012 09:09

That is outrageous behaviour- it's inhumane to keep someone away from bathroom facilities! Am amazed they actually let him in the house to use the bathroom when he was desperate for a poo, and am shocked that they could be so vile to their son's friend.
So I suppose he had to pee in their garden, did he? and he only got to use the bathroom when he actually needed to poo? I hope half their garden dies as a result, I really do.

Disgusting people.

blonderthanred · 24/04/2012 09:12

Take the friend on holiday, feed him till he pops.

OlaRapaceFru · 24/04/2012 09:14

Bletchley, the OP said "They definatley knew he was going and I checked and double checked that it was ok till sunday as I knew I wouldnt be back till then."

Love the idea of printing the thread and sending it in a thank you card. Grin

The whole episode sounds utterly bizarre - if their DS was staying with a friend surely they'd expect him to be fed, watered, washed etc?

ethelb · 24/04/2012 09:35

They are twats. But what really surprises me is why your son didn't just leave?

Aged 15 I had my wits about me enough to feign illness and leave without making too much of a fuss. And when I was 16/17 enough balls to just say 'screw this shit' and leave.

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 24/04/2012 10:03

Cripes, my last post makes no sense. I mean, I think they were trying to hide something; maybe they intended to clear it up before your son arrived but didn't get around to it.

And yes, I'd be worried about your ds's friend. That your ds is worried about him says something, surely?

I'd be inclined to talk to the school; I know this is out of school hours and everything but they might have concerns too. They need to know if this lad is having a shit time at home.

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