Bridesmaids - to allow or not?

[Carrie370]

I'm hoping someone will give me sisterly guidance ... I have two daughters, aged 10 and 8. Their father is getting married later this year, and my children are expected to be bridesmaids at the wedding. This sits incredibly uncomfortably with me, and just feels wrong. I would like to emphasise that we have been separated for 3 years, and I have no problem whatsoever with him getting married. As the parent with sole responsibility (we were never married) it is within my power to forbid this, but I realise that this would be an inflammatory move, however he has defaulted on maintenence payments for the last few months (because of the 'expensive wedding'), and so I am not in a particularly charitable mood. Am I being unreasonable?

Do you dds want to be bridesmaids?

Not being unreasonable but I hope you change your mind. Your daughters will love the experience. (make sure HE pays for the dresses though)

Oh please don't! You need to put your girls before any sort of maintenance wrangle etc. How awful if they couldn't be bridesmaids at daddy's wedding. What if one day you wanted to get married and he forbid it!

yabvu!

Totally understand why you would be p*ssed about the child maintenance issue and that needs to be sorted but concerned for your DD's. At that age I expect they are excited to be bridesmaids and they will likely see it as a punishment if they are prevented from being in the wedding party, casting you in the bad guy role. So for the sake of your daughters I would suck it up, YAB (understandably) U

Sorry what is the problem?

What do the girls want?

I'm not sure why it feels wrong. Perhaps you could explain?

I can see why you would be annoyed about the missed payments. He really should sort that out.

If you were to marry, would you allow them to be bridesmaids?

Yes YABU.

Do your DD's want to be bridesmaids?

When my ex remarried, both DD's were asked, my eldest said yes, youngest said no.

Let your girls choose.

Re maintenance, go to the CSA, they can decide if "I'm having an expensive wedding" is a good excuse for not paying.

Why do you not want them to be bridesmaids? If they want to then it is them you will be hurting if you forbid it.

Two totally separate issues which should be dealt with separately.

I would possibly threaten this (or some kind of action) if he does not catch up on the maintenance payments though!

YABU (understandibly so) and I think you know that already

YABU

He is their father.

The only people who will suffer because of this is your dd's. Yes YABVU.

YABU, its the chance all little girls want! Let their father have the girls walk down the aisle with him, it will be one of his most proud moments too. I not only think you're being unreasonable but actually quite selfish too.
I don't like that he has defaulted the payments to you though and can agree why you might be feeling uncharitable towards him.....but don't let your children suffer by not allowing them the chance to dress up and feel pretty at their fathers wedding.

I don't see what the missed maintenance payments have to do with it - why would you punish your DDs for that? Are you thinking of forbidding them to go to the wedding at all, or just the bridesmaid bit? Do they want to go?

How would you feel if you remarried and your ex tried to 'forbid' your daughters from taking part?

The bridesmaid issue is seperate from the maintaince issue. I would definitely allow it, it's the kind of thing they'd feel sad about if they can't be involved. Their dad is getting married - its important for them to know that they are still important even though he has a new relationship.

YABU.

I know why it feels uncomfortable. It feels uncomfortable because you get up with your dd's when they are ill at night, you help with homework, you wipe away snot. You are the main care giver, their main source of security and you carry the greater sense of responsibility, while your ex, spends maintenance money on a wedding.

And yet he will get to show off your girls at his wedding and give them their day as a princess?

It doesn't feel fair.

But surely you love your ads enough to suck it up and let them be princesses for the day, regardless of whose wedding it is.

It's hard, YANBU for feeling weird about it, but YWBU if you 'forbid' your girls from being his bridesmaids.

Your children aren't a weapon to beat your Ex with. If they want to be bridesmaids, let them.

YABVVVU your poor girls. It's not their fault their parents relationship broke down. Stop acting like a child and get over it. If maintenance is such a problem go to the CSA.

whats a reverse AIBU

A reverse AIBU is when someone posts an AIBU from the opposite point of view.

AIBU to do this to my mother?
YABU
Actually I am NBU because I am the mother, it is my daughter who is BU

Where its actually the subject of the thread who is poating while pretending to be the other person. So if this were a reverse aibu, op would sctually be the ex or his fiancee.

YABU!