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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the £20 my ds (8) found on the floor from him and give it to my dp

180 replies

zookeeper · 22/04/2012 17:49

I was out today with my dp and my three dcs. DP paid for us to go to a theme park and then have lunch; over £100. Not that he counts, but I do as I am watching my pennies at the moment and I appreciate how generous he is.

Walking afterwards on the beach my ds found £20 on the sand. As he was dancing gaily around waving it I whipped it out of his hand and gave it to my dp, saying that it was only fair we should do that as he had spent on us all day.

My ds was a gutted but I felt I could hardly not pass it to dp who had been so generous. He took it (reluctantly)but said that he would spend it next time we all go out.

I feel I was a bit mean to my ds. WIBU?

OP posts:
TheWisdomOfSolomum · 23/04/2012 01:58

Zoo does your DP have a brother by any chance? Grin

Glad you've sorted it out with your ds. I often do things on the spur of the moment that leads to me having to apologise to my children for making a poor judgement. Sometimes I even think things through and STILL do the wrong thing. Shoot me, I'm a dickhead only human.

Guess my point is, you made a mistake, you 'fessed up to your son (never easy Grin ) and you put things right.

Now about that brother ...

ThatVikRinA22 · 23/04/2012 01:58

technically - it is theft by finding and you should have taken it to a police station, if unclaimed within 6 weeks it would have been your sons anyway, not yours, not your dp's, you sons.

but that money belongs to someone else. you should give them a chance to claim it back.
how would you feel if that was your childrens pocket money that they had saved for their hols? or your grandmothers to pay her gas bill? its on your conscience. or not as the case may be.
chances are if the loser could afford to lose it they will not look for it at a police station. if they couldnt afford the loss they might hope its been handed in and check.

TheWisdomOfSolomum · 23/04/2012 02:18

"theft by finding" Shock

You learn something new everyday!

TeaJunky · 23/04/2012 02:21

Jesus.

Confused

Poor OP. Confused

thatisall · 23/04/2012 02:22

she gave the money back guys...and will prob feel bad about this for a long time. Time to let it go?

ThatVikRinA22 · 23/04/2012 02:29

gave the money back to who though? the person who lost it?

if you find money and keep it it is 'theft by finding' and you have to have taken reasonable steps to find the owner....

the owner in this case was not the child who found it.

iscream · 23/04/2012 02:32

Ywbvu, as was your dp, to have taken it from your ds in the beginning. But you have made amends, and it is all over. Lesson learned.

thatisall · 23/04/2012 02:32

thats true. Is it too late to go back to ds again now and make him take the money to the police station? I think it might be.

Incidently in our family 20 pounds is our lower limit , anything under that we don't give in to the police, but 20 pounds is a lot and even though potentially it won't be claimed...blah blah

Either way, the op regrets every and all parts of this situation and I sure will think more laterally should it happen again

sashh · 23/04/2012 04:53

Technically both you and your dc have commited crimes. Yes you should have handed it in to the police, it would have ended up being your son's as few people would try to claim the money.

kipperandtiger · 23/04/2012 05:03

It should be handed in to the nearest police station or Lost Property Office, if the theme park has a Lost Property Office on site. That's the only right thing to do. Money on the sand is not for finders to keep regardless of child or adult. That's the right example to show one's child.
(The thread is too long to find out what happened to the £20 in the end and I don't need to know).

DPrince · 23/04/2012 07:26

Sorry OP you are right. You didn't say you were asking for it back. You said you would mention it and he would insist on giving it back. My mistake. I would insist he didn't though. Then you have contributed, ds has his money all happy.
For those saying 'stop flogging the OP' I think people are allowed to comment, yes the OP has given it back. Which is great, but I question the responses. The OP realises the mistake but I don't get how a parent can say 'I took it because I could' or 'he found I thought I was £20 richer'. Maybe its me but if anyone said 'I took it because I could' in RL I would be really shocked by anyone taking something from anyone because they could.

ChickenSkin · 23/04/2012 08:06

No harm done. OP's DS will just learn to keep things from his mother in future.

ScarlettAlexandra · 23/04/2012 08:33

at least she handed it back. im more shocked that OP thinks she is entitled to any money her ds owned.

i would never touch a penny of my dc's money. infact they have more money in savings than i have ;)

samandi · 23/04/2012 08:57

YWBVU.

crazynanna · 23/04/2012 08:59

It was a joke Imperial...you know...one of those verbal interactions' that enable a noise that eminates' and is called laughter....

crazynanna · 23/04/2012 09:00

...and if you think that was bad...you should hear what I call my grandchildren Wink

Heswall · 23/04/2012 09:09

As if anyone else would have handed in a loose note, a purse is different ...... que outrage as everyone claims they would but we all know they wouldn't.

bronze · 23/04/2012 09:17

Smokes in pregnancy - their choice
Smacks child and feels incredibly guilty- we all make mistakes apologise and don't do it again
Etc
Making a mistake, admitting to it and putting it right with an explanation - hung drawn and quartered
Mn can be a funny old
Place

StealthPolarBear · 23/04/2012 09:18

this thread is utter madness
maristella, so glad that guy got his money back

Nyac · 23/04/2012 09:29

Also agree with Boo OP. I do think it might be worth you thinking about what she said.

If you feel guilty about letting your DP spend a lot on your family then don't let him do it. Do cheaper or free activities instead. Certainly don't take money off your children to hand to him to assuage your guilt. It sounds like you think your ds owed your dp something for the day, but he didn't actually.

OrmIrian · 23/04/2012 09:38

Well done for giving it back zoo.

EightiesChick · 23/04/2012 09:38

Vicarinatutu sashh kipperandtiger and anyone else saying 'this is theft, if should have been handed in...'

I believe strongly in people trying their best to return lost property to its owners, but how on earth would this even be possible with a loose note? Do you memorise the serial numbers of all the banknotes in your purse/wallet? Thaat would be the only means of identification I can think of. If it was in a wallet, that'd be different. I would say that it seems reasonable to look around at the time for anyone who looks like they're searching for lost money. If not, then there's really nothing to be done, and it seems pointless for anyone to get on their high horse about it.

Calamityboo · 23/04/2012 09:57

I have read nearly all this thread. YWBVU to snatch the note out of your little ones hand to make yourself feel better, even though you have resolved it now (too late IMO) his overwhelming memory of the day out will not be the happy times he shared with his family, it will be how sad he felt to see his money grabbing mother cruelly snatch £20 from his little fist. I have also agreed with the sentiment of boo's posts, you do seem to have in an instant made the wrong decision about who's feeling matter the most, even if she did bash the point home with a large hammer!

I think with hindsight, maybe you will allow yourself some time to consider everyones feelings in future.

kipperandtiger · 24/04/2012 21:26

I've handed in pound coins and fivers. The person who lost it might have been a child or someone who needed to buy something to eat with their last bit of change. We grew up with a saying that you either leave where it is or you hand it in to someone responsible in charge. I have personally been lucky enough that when I have lost something (eg my engagement ring once fell off in the supermarket because my fingers got cold) and the item has been handed in, and I think the policy works!

mamaLou13 · 24/04/2012 21:30

wow that is very harsh!! your poor ds! He was proberbaly so happy when he found that money then you took it off him and gave it away infront of him! I would never do that! Your dp shouldn't really have taken it but i expect he didn't want an argument if it is your ds not his then he has no say i supose. But yes! YABVVVU!