Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the £20 my ds (8) found on the floor from him and give it to my dp

180 replies

zookeeper · 22/04/2012 17:49

I was out today with my dp and my three dcs. DP paid for us to go to a theme park and then have lunch; over £100. Not that he counts, but I do as I am watching my pennies at the moment and I appreciate how generous he is.

Walking afterwards on the beach my ds found £20 on the sand. As he was dancing gaily around waving it I whipped it out of his hand and gave it to my dp, saying that it was only fair we should do that as he had spent on us all day.

My ds was a gutted but I felt I could hardly not pass it to dp who had been so generous. He took it (reluctantly)but said that he would spend it next time we all go out.

I feel I was a bit mean to my ds. WIBU?

OP posts:
maristella · 22/04/2012 19:51

I posted after reading only a page - I am sorry

Adayforthinking · 22/04/2012 20:10

I once found a wallet with £40 in it and nothing else, no I.d, no cards, nothing. Found it in the middle of town. I took it to a police station. They took my details and 4 weeks later, when I had forgotten all about it. They called to say that no one had claimed it so I could have the money.

I was 8 and in 1982 that was a lot of money! I would always encourage my daughter to hand money in. It gave me a good feeling to hand it in and an even better feeling to be given it back a month later!

difficultpickle · 22/04/2012 20:14

I would hope that on reflection your dp gives back the £20 and explains that he felt uncomfortable taking it. It would make me think less of him if he didn't as he has compounded the error of judgment you made.

DPrince · 22/04/2012 20:28

ok, I get the OP has returned the money and apologised to her ds. But honestly i find this behaviour strange tbh. The OP didn't feel the need to contribute until she found herself £20 up. I don't get why the OP even for a second thought she was £20 better off. Would you have thought that if another family member (say a sibling, cousin, parent) found it? No.
I also find the wording of the OP strange, why would you snatch from a child? I imagine the dp took it out of embarrasment. But OP I don't think you should ask for it back. Then you won't be contributing at all, or is that the point you only want to contribute when its not your money. I would suggest refusing your DPs offers of paying for things if it makes you react like this.
I don't mean to be rude, but the op and subsequient explanations and the factyou want to ask your dp for it back is very bizarre to me.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway · 22/04/2012 20:34

I can understand why the OP wanted to use the money to contribute to the day out, especially as she has another two DCs as well as the finder of the money, it probably seemed fairer to her that it went on something everyone could benefit from (or already had benefitted from).

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 20:42

Hi I'm back.

Dprince. Extraordinary post. I have no intention of asking for the money back. Where did you get that from? And saying that I only want to contribute when it's not my money is simply untrue. I can't think why you would say that from my posts tbh

OP posts:
Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 20:45

In fact I'm off this thread. I just feel I'm repeating myself now. Not that some of you seem to be reading what I'm saying.

OP posts:
theincredibequeenofwands · 22/04/2012 20:47

Awwwwww, poor little boy!

Bet he was gutted!

:(

Floggingmolly · 22/04/2012 20:47

Why would you do that? Hmm. If you wanted to contribute to the outing, you should have had the grace to do so with your own money.
I can't believe your dp took it! It actually belonged to none of you. You should have at least made an attempt to find out who had lost it - this would have been a far better lesson for your son than what you did.

scuzy · 22/04/2012 20:49

christ does no one read threads in full anymore ... OP solved this matter ages ago and she is still getting a flaming! ffs!

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2012 20:50

Can you all just read the Thread.
Jeez.

Noqontrol · 22/04/2012 21:00

Personal comments gategypsy ? I don't think so. Just an opinion on a public forum. So sorry if that's not to your liking Smile

pumpkinsweetie · 22/04/2012 21:07

YABU-ur dc found it , it belongs to him.
Finders keepers, poor ladSad

DialsMavis · 22/04/2012 21:21

Zookeeper walk through the streets covered in dung flogging yourself because you made an error of judgement, even though you have now fixed it, as unfortunately that isn't and never will be good enough. Thank Mumsnet for opening your eyes to the inequalities in your relationship and leave the bastard. I expect he only took you all out for the day to exert his financial control over you and your DC

lalaland3008 · 22/04/2012 22:43

Sorry but I competely agree with Boo.

You've met a nice bloke that's generous with money. But that's not your ds fault. And I think the way you took the money was cruel. It wouldn't have ben so bad if you'd said something away from your dp like dp has been kind and took us out perhaps you'd like to get him a little something next time

I would have a good think because as Boo said stuff like this could be damaging to the relationship between you and your son but also the relationship between your son and your dp.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 22/04/2012 23:00

Zoo could you clarify is DP your DS's dad? Because when Boo inferred he wasn't earlier you said she was "inaccurate" but now it seems he isn't?

I ask because it is relevant as if he's his dad it puts a different spin on things - you both made a parenting decision and DP's views on what to do now are very relevant. If he isn't then he went along with your decision at the time (understandable especially if you're not together long) but you may have harmed his and DS's relationship and simply paying the money back to DS won't undo that. I'm not saying it's tremendously damaging or anything but you put them both in a really awkward and unfair position and you should really chat to them both about it.

LookAtAllTheseFucksIGive · 22/04/2012 23:12

Yabu. Years ago when I was 13, we were staying at a hotel for christmas in Blackpool. They had Bingo every night and children were allowed to play if they knew how. My step dad paid a whole 50p for my tickets. My ticket won and my Mum forced me to hand over the whole £30 to him. :( Did she do the same when she won? No. I'd already planned on halving it with him but being 'made' to hand it over without a say in the matter wasn't fair.

ExcitedElectrons · 22/04/2012 23:20

100% agree with everything Boo has said. Same thought crossed my mind. What a nasty person you are. Why on earth should 20pound be taken from your DS' rightful hands and given to your DP? Just because he paid for a day out? Really? And YOU felt richer? Wtaf? Wrong wrong wrong.

fluffypillow · 22/04/2012 23:35

zoo Hope you are still reading this thread. Just wanted to say that I don't think you deserve the flaming you've got from certain people.

I totally understand why you did what you did. You and your three kids were just treated to a lovely day out by your partner, and then your DS finds £20, and starts waving it around...............I would have felt really awkward about that, and may have acted as you did too.

I would have probably then felt guilty about it, as you did, and given the money back.

Whats the big deal?

OP YANBU...........BUT all those who have been really quite nasty to zoo...........YADBU! Have you never misjudged a situation in your life?!

Commutinghell · 22/04/2012 23:45

Wow, people are so narrow minded and quick to judge. You're not being unreasonable at all, you're teaching your son not to be selfish and ungrateful. So many people posting in this thread must be bringing up their children to be selfish and spoilt. No wonder society is falling apart.

ImperialBlether · 22/04/2012 23:56

CrazyNanna, you said, "There is no manual available when we push out the little shits'"

That is a disgusting way to refer to your own children.

Boomerwang · 23/04/2012 00:15

Stop flogging the OP.

commutinghell I believe some parents are bending the wrong way. Some parents are teaching their kids that there's no such thing as good fortune and the line between grateful and grabby is getting fuzzier. I think it's time to go back to teaching kids that looking out for number one whilst not at the expense of others is actually fine.

Also, chances are almost everybody will lose some cash at some point in their lives. What goes around comes around, yes?

Those spitting fire well after the OP rectified a situation after feeling guilty enough to question her actions on this forum and thinking it over on the journey home ought to have a moment to think on their own mistakes.

Boomerwang · 23/04/2012 00:16

ImperialBlether start a new thread about joke references, why don't you? Some people do like to use expletives to describe their offspring, for some reason, but that's their choice isn't it?

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2012 01:39

Very mean. You shouldn't have done that & you should give it him back.

Your dc are not responsible for what you & your dp decide to spend on them, on a day out.

differentnameforthis · 23/04/2012 01:49

Opps, just seen that you have given it back, well done! I can see why you gave it to your dp, to be fair. You meant well & didn't meant to upset your son. All has been put right, so that's all good.