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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the £20 my ds (8) found on the floor from him and give it to my dp

180 replies

zookeeper · 22/04/2012 17:49

I was out today with my dp and my three dcs. DP paid for us to go to a theme park and then have lunch; over £100. Not that he counts, but I do as I am watching my pennies at the moment and I appreciate how generous he is.

Walking afterwards on the beach my ds found £20 on the sand. As he was dancing gaily around waving it I whipped it out of his hand and gave it to my dp, saying that it was only fair we should do that as he had spent on us all day.

My ds was a gutted but I felt I could hardly not pass it to dp who had been so generous. He took it (reluctantly)but said that he would spend it next time we all go out.

I feel I was a bit mean to my ds. WIBU?

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:31

so you didn't feel you owed him before hand yet suddenly when there was someone else's money available you felt a sense of oweing? sounds like a grand gesture made to the boyfriend because it wasn't costing you anything. sorry but that's how it looks.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:31

no sense of owing at all Boo. None.

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:32

'generous with other people's money' that's the phrase that springs to mind.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:33

then why did your ds suddenly owe it to your DP when he found the money when you didn't owe him before? Confused

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:33

lol. Yes Boo. The problem was if it was anyones it was my ds's

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2012 18:35

OP has admitted a couple of times that she was wrong, and has given her ds the money.
Can people let up on her now.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:36

I made a gesture in giving my dp the money; it was not because I felt I owed him the money because I don't feel that. I just wanted to chip in. I can only tell you how I felt at that moment. Is that so hard to understand Boo?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/04/2012 18:36

Nobody's demonising him. I understand what you mean about putting him on the spot - you probably did. I would have thought though that he'd slip it back to your son if he knew the circumstances, that's all.

kickingKcurlyC · 22/04/2012 18:37

You were very cruel. I'm glad you've given it back.

boredandrestless · 22/04/2012 18:37

YABU - it wasn't yours to give away. Poor kid!

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:37

Knowing him Lion he probably will Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:38

Lying, sorry

OP posts:
DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 18:38

Bloody hell, the OP has said she was BU, she has given her DS the 20 quid, all's well - why are you harping on about guilt/sense of owing etc Boo?

boredandrestless · 22/04/2012 18:38

Just read your recent posts, glad you gave your ds the money back and explained to him like that.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:39

"it was not because I felt I owed him the money because I don't feel that. I just wanted to chip in."

the point i'm making is, why did you suddenly want to chip in when your son found money (that you had no claim on) when you hadn't felt the need to chip in before? unless you actually intended all along to give your DP some money towards the day out?

festi · 22/04/2012 18:40

did you ask DP for it back or did you give it to ds out your own pocket? Im curious to know how that converstaion went between you and dp to get the money back from him.

Ratbagcatbag · 22/04/2012 18:40

Awww, YWBU, but now you've fixed it, laughs at the thought of DP secretly handing another £20 over to your DS
I would have checked at lifeguard station etc to see if anyone had lost any money and left my details to get in touch, if they didn't then let your son keep it and spend it what he wanted.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:40

Because suddenly my ds found £20 Confused so I suddenly felt myself £20 richer

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 22/04/2012 18:41

Tabu - what right did you have to take it?

NatashaBee · 22/04/2012 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dropdeadfred · 22/04/2012 18:41

Your son had £20 so YOU felt richer???!'!!

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:42

"why are you harping on about guilt/sense of owing etc Boo?"

because i have seen things like this happen when step parents are involved. and it harms the children. it is not fair to constantly see your mother/father lick round your new step parent's/their new partner's arse at the expense of your own feelings. i've seen it happen and it angers me. it damages relationships. from what OP posted, that's what it looked like to me. i've seen it happening.

Dropdeadfred · 22/04/2012 18:43

Sorry - read your update - but now you are £20 down. Why didn't you just contribute that in the first place?

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:44

how were YOU £20 richer OP? Confused

MerryMarigold · 22/04/2012 18:44

I can understand OP that you didn't feel guilty or like you 'owed' him, but when some 'lucky money' came along, you thought 'it doesn't belong to anyone, let's use put it towards in the day'. I don't think it's a big psyychological deal. Tbh, when I read your OP I didn't think you were that U, depending on age of ds. I think it's good to teach kids to contribute. But maybe approach I would have taken is, "Hey, you were really lucky to find, and you've had a great day. Would you like to give some of it to DP who has spent a lot on us?"