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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the £20 my ds (8) found on the floor from him and give it to my dp

180 replies

zookeeper · 22/04/2012 17:49

I was out today with my dp and my three dcs. DP paid for us to go to a theme park and then have lunch; over £100. Not that he counts, but I do as I am watching my pennies at the moment and I appreciate how generous he is.

Walking afterwards on the beach my ds found £20 on the sand. As he was dancing gaily around waving it I whipped it out of his hand and gave it to my dp, saying that it was only fair we should do that as he had spent on us all day.

My ds was a gutted but I felt I could hardly not pass it to dp who had been so generous. He took it (reluctantly)but said that he would spend it next time we all go out.

I feel I was a bit mean to my ds. WIBU?

OP posts:
pigsinmud · 22/04/2012 19:12

Blimey you lot. OP has sorted it out. We all do spur of the moment things. No way would I have handed £20 in that I found on a beach. I wouldn't even if I found it in my local park - no police station etc..

Noqontrol · 22/04/2012 19:14

Think you were unreasonable to snatch it off ds. It wasn't yours to take and spend and so that's pretty disrespectful to ds. Really it should have gone to the police station, to show ds honesty is the best policy, but understand its quite a distance from you.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:15

as i thought then.

BarredfromhavingStella · 22/04/2012 19:17

YABU!!! Finders keepers & you were not the finder-you owe him 20 quid Wink

GateGipsy · 22/04/2012 19:17

YABU Boo. You started posting on the assumptoin that OP was an arsehole, not on the assumption of finding out more information about what this person is like before making your judgements. Shame on you.

Noqontrol is way out of order. Read the thread before you decide to make personal comments about someone you know.

Good for you Zoo. We all make mistakes that somehow seem to make sense at the time. What counts is whether we rectify that mistake or not, and whether we learn from it. You sound like a pretty good mum all round.

GateGipsy · 22/04/2012 19:17

*about someone you don't know I meant

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2012 19:18

While is everyone still piling in here?
The Op has been very gracious here, admitted it was a spur of the moment thing, admitted she was BU and given the £20 back to her ds with an apology.
Are people actually reading the thread?

DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 19:19

Boo you are being very petty, trying to needle the OP and score points. It's stupid. I think she has already said she now feels she was wrong, has handed her DS the money and sorted it out. Perhaps you need a Wine?

Zoo, seriously, stop responding to her, she is one of those nit-pickers and everytime you respond she finds a new way to try to score a point. Have a Wine yourself.....

5madthings · 22/04/2012 19:20

what merrymarigold said had my 8 yr old found £20 i would have let them buy a small treat with it and then we would put it into the kitty for a family treat or they could put it in savings or something, £20 is a lot of money for an 8yr old nad i can see why zoo acted on impulse as she did. (if they had been on a day out paid for by someone else like the op was i may have suggested they gave some of it to the treat provider as well)

she has now given the money back so all is good :)

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:20

no shame here i'm afraid gategipsy. i posted based on what i read. i never said i was posting to find out more info.

Teeb · 22/04/2012 19:20

You were very disrespectful to your son.

Seeing as you had £20 in your purse to hand back to your son and your dp still has the original £20 then it has worked out as intended. I assume that will be your contribution to the day trip out now, and you won't be going back to your DP to say 'Actually, that money I was being very generous in giving you for the day out? Yes well, I don't feel all that generous now it isn't my money so can I have it back please?'

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:22

dublinmammy i'm not sure what posts/trheads of mine you are referring to but i'm certainly not trying to nit-pick or score points. i dont need op to respond any further, i know what i think now based on her further clarification of her through process.

TheSockPuppet · 22/04/2012 19:22

Yabu, your DP reluctantly took it back and your DS was gutted, sounds like they both would have been happy if you had just left t rather than trying to make yourself feel less guilty for not paying towards the outing.

BarredfromhavingStella · 22/04/2012 19:23

Ahhh see you have now returned said find-well done OP.

DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 19:29

Boo are you having that wine yet? I'm sure the OP is very pleased that you have decided what you think. Have a good evening.

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:31

thank you dublinmammy.

HeadfirstForHalos · 22/04/2012 19:32

Ywbu poor kid! Still, you have given it back now so it ends well.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 22/04/2012 19:37

YABU

and if I was your DP I wouldn't have taken the money at all, especially if I knew how you got hold of it.

You were very mean to do that. Not everyday you find 20 quid is it?

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:39

Teeb I didn't have the money in my purse, which was why I acted as I did.

It troubled me all the way home which is why I posted on here and refunded my ds. I explained why I did it to him, and why I thought, on reflection, I had acted unfairly to him and he's more than happy which is , after all, what matters here.

This is all getting rather silly now, so I'm off to put my dcs to bed and to see what ds intends to do with his £20.

And Boo, there is a world of difference between giving your honest opinion on an AIBU thread, as other posters have done, without stereotyping or being offensive. You have done both. You are of course entitled to your own opinions, but in this case they say rather more about your issues than my own.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 22/04/2012 19:39

Yay! just read you gave it back. Think that's only fair. Smile

festi · 22/04/2012 19:40

Zoo I seriously hope you do have the conversation with your partner and get the money back from him, on reading your op and despite being lambasted by Boo, I do question the importance of your how your dp viwed you over your childrens feelings. If that is the case I would make sure you are aware of that make conserted effort to not do that or question the equality in your relationship with your partener.

Just for the record however, If i was in a social situation with anyone and my dd or I found some money I would actually use it to treat every one to a coke in drink in the pub, an ice cream or fish and chips. rather than just pocket it, so I can understand what you where trying to achieve in that sence, I just think sadly put your dp as priority to everyone else.

festi · 22/04/2012 19:42

sorry that first paragrah should read how important you view dps needs over your childrens needs. not how imporatnd dp views your childrens needs.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:43

Oops just caught that Fest. I don't agree I prioritised DP. I prioritised my wish to contribute to the day over the feelings of my ds; that was wrong.

Night all

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:46

i did actually say i apologised if i was way of the mark OP.
i dont need to justify my opinions, they aren't my issues but issues i have witnessed in families. like i said i have seen this happen and what you posted was very like some of the things i have seen. again, apologies if i am way off the mark

maristella · 22/04/2012 19:49

Just before our holiday, DS found some money in the street in the currency we were about to be using. Great! I thought.

DS was with my Dad when he found it and my Dad insisted he hand it in.

Turns out a guy with learning difficulties, too severe for work had saved up his benefits for this all year and had cried his eyes out when reporting it missing to the police.

Big eye opener for greedy old me. You just do not know whose money you are taking. Hand it in.