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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take the £20 my ds (8) found on the floor from him and give it to my dp

180 replies

zookeeper · 22/04/2012 17:49

I was out today with my dp and my three dcs. DP paid for us to go to a theme park and then have lunch; over £100. Not that he counts, but I do as I am watching my pennies at the moment and I appreciate how generous he is.

Walking afterwards on the beach my ds found £20 on the sand. As he was dancing gaily around waving it I whipped it out of his hand and gave it to my dp, saying that it was only fair we should do that as he had spent on us all day.

My ds was a gutted but I felt I could hardly not pass it to dp who had been so generous. He took it (reluctantly)but said that he would spend it next time we all go out.

I feel I was a bit mean to my ds. WIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:45

that's interesting Festi. I gave the £20 out of my own money. I will tell DP that in retrospect I think I was wrong to have taken it from my ds, just as /I have done to my ds. I imagine DP will insist on giving £20 back.

We can have a whole new thread on who he should give it back to... Smile

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 22/04/2012 18:45

Glad to hear you've reimbursed your son, zookeeper. But I do think you need to ponder your attitude to money and your feelings about your DP spending money on your children. Because your spur of the moment action was quite odd. Try and work out why you feel how you do (to make you behave as you did) and find a way to address it.

DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 18:46

Well perhaps you could try being helpful/ pointing out why you are concerned rather than just picking away at the OP? Your anger is so clear that it undermines your point.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:47

oh dear Boo just seen you penultimate post - you are bringing your issues to my thread methinks..

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 22/04/2012 18:47

Sorry, just seen he's 8. I think it's fine to have a chat with him about why you took it. Obviously you would never expect him to contribute as he has no money, but if he did find something like that accidentally I think it would be good to expect a contribution from him.

DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 18:48

Sorry, meant to say my last post is for Boo.

Solola · 22/04/2012 18:48

I'd have to say on my initial reading of the OP's first post, I thought exactly the same as Boo.

OP does seem open to being told she is BU though so good on her for talking it through with her son.

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:50

Where, I don't think it was that odd, or certainly the sentiment behind it tbh. I wanted to contribute and took the money off Ds because I could. I was wrong in doing that but I don't think the wanting to contribute was odd in itself.

OP posts:
Rollersara · 22/04/2012 18:50

Do let us know what DS spends it on, £20 is a fortune when you're 8!

Coconutty · 22/04/2012 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 22/04/2012 18:52

You were wrong to take it from him. You should have taken it to the Police Station, logged it, and waited for the phone call to say it hadn't been claimed and your DS could come and collect it. Valuable lesson learned.

(Did this once when my son was about that age and found £10 (when £10 was really worth something). He waited in anticipation for 3 weeks, then got the call to say it was his. He was delighted.)

IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 18:54

i think we all bring our own experiences to any thread when we comment. how else could we ever comment if we didn't use our experience to form opinions?

some people are arseholes. OP could be one of those people, the fact she is a MNer and is the OP doesn't mean she isn't and only through further informations given do we find out either way. i gave my response based on what OP had posted. my post was a fairly uncensored version of my opinion on the matter, others may have edited their response to be more tactful, i didn't. apologies if i am way of the mark. i do think OP reacted very oddly to the situation. i cant fathom why her DP would be more deserving of the money her son found tahn her son. if she had felt in any way that her DP was due some money back then she should have been the one to repay him, not the child just because he found money.

LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2012 18:54

OP said the Police Station was 20 miles away, OldGrey.
Would you really travel all that way to hand in £20 you found on a beach?

squeakytoy · 22/04/2012 18:57

suddenly my ds found £20 so I suddenly felt myself £20 richer

no, your SON was £20 richer...

the better thing to do would have been suggest he use it to buy everyone a drink or an icecream with it, and then he could keep the change...

at no point were YOU any richer though, until you snatched it off him...

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:58

Surely it's not that hard to fathom why I did what I did now that I've explained why Boo?

OP posts:
Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 18:59

I agree Squeaky, which is why i have given my ds the £20 . I didn't see it like that when I saw him with the £20 though.That was my mistake and I have apologised to him.

OP posts:
AvocadoAndFitch · 22/04/2012 19:00

Shock So your DS had some money and you stole it from him to make yourself feel better and handed over the money to make it look like/feel like your contribution.

Wow just wow Shock

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:01

Sigh. It was obvious to all present that it had just been picked up off the floor.. WOW

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 22/04/2012 19:02

I'd give up now if I was you Zoo. Grin

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:05

Wise words Ladybeagle Smile

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:05

it is actually Zoo.

i wouldn't have made a connection between ds finding money and DP paying for teh day out. i jsut wouldn't. ds found money i would have said "wahey, go DS. what are you going to do with it?" it just would not have occurred to me to give it to someone I felt that i owed money to. it would absolouetly have been Ds's money as he found it. it doesn't become family property or mum's money to spend as she likes. if ds had found that money tomorrow would you have felt it still should have gone to your DP?

DublinMammy · 22/04/2012 19:05

I agree with LadyBeagle OP!!!

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:08

Boo, as I've said I just wanted to contribute and when Ds picked up the £20 I - wrongly - saw £20 to contribute to the day. So shoot me.

OP posts:
IAmBooyhoo · 22/04/2012 19:11

so you were always going to contribute? even before ds found the money?

Original poster
zookeeper · 22/04/2012 19:11

Oh God. No

OP posts: