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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my children can share a bedroom

267 replies

letasongcarryyoualong · 22/04/2012 10:53

I have 2 children. DD is 5 and DS is almost 3. I am desperate for another baby, in fact I'd really like another 2 children and have a family of four but practically one more is probably my limit.

However we live in a 2 bed house which because of debt and taking out a mortgage over more than the 25 year term and a 100% mortgage we're in negative equity on and I can't see how we're ever going to be able to afford to move out. Neither of us earn much although we earn enough to keep us from being eligible for benefits. Part of this is DH, he could go for promotions etc but is happy where he is and doesn't want to add to his responsibility. I work part time.

Since we already have a DD and a DS in one bedroom I can't see how it would make much difference to add another. If I had two DDs it might be different, they could share indefinitely but as it is they have to share anyway. And I do worry about that too. At what age will DD need her own space?

OP posts:
Aboutlastnight · 23/04/2012 10:58

The sharing thing is the least of it when they are young. My three share and are very happy.

But I have an eye on the future. I know that I will not be able to help them very much financially if they want to go to university. They will be getting loans etc. What I can help them with is a big enough house for them to live in while at college/university and yes into their 20's God help meuntil they are on their feet.

This argument about own rooms being a 'western' idea - well yes but we do live in the west and while our children do not have to cook dinner, look after siblings or walk miles to fetch water, they do have to do homework and do have limited space for socialising and therefore space at home becomes more important.

I'm not saying don't do it...just think hard about it.

AngelsOnHigh · 23/04/2012 10:59

My 3 DD's shared a room. Two DS's shared a room and the spare room was a playroom/toy room.

When we offered eldest DD her own room, she opted to stay with her siblings.

CallMeAl · 23/04/2012 11:02

My children do have to cook dinner and mind their siblings actually, but I don't see what that has to do with anything. If you think YOUR children absolutely need their own rooms, fine, do what you want, but I don't understand this idea that its an absolute necessity for all. It isn't. My children do not need their own rooms. OP's children may or may not.
There is no definite need for all.

Aboutlastnight · 23/04/2012 11:13

I knew someone would come on and say that their children cooked dinner, cared for siblings, fetched water, made fire with sticks etc etc. Grin

DueinSeptember · 23/04/2012 11:13

I haven't read all the thread, but how old are you OP? Do you have time on your side to improve your finances if they are a worry to you (before having another baby)? Do you go on Moneysavingexpert, there's a really great forum there (debt free wannabee) and people have really turned their finances around.

Sometimes a big need (like wanting a baby) can be a big push to get things sorted.

SeaHouses · 23/04/2012 11:43

Will your current mortgage provider not let you move your mortgage (including the negative equity) to a different property? Are you sure it is entirely impossible to move to a cheaper area?

Our neighbours sleep in the sitting room of a two bed house because they have teenagers.

sarahtigh · 23/04/2012 13:20

if you have a kitchen with table and a separate living room homework solved

we did homework on dining table in peace while younger siblings played in other room until their bedtime, we all got good O & A levels and degrees, when home from uni still shared room, bedrooms were for sleeping in downstairs for social activity, dining table used for painting drawing model making homework etc between meals, if we were revising for exams younger siblings played in garden or my mother kept them fairly quiet,

it worked just fine

Aboutlastnight · 23/04/2012 13:31

i revised for my a levels with my feet up in the garden in the sunshine and aced them all Grin

Mine do their homework together at the kitchen table after breakfast.

OhdearNigel · 23/04/2012 13:53

IMO fine until they hit teens. However I would wonder why on earth you would want to add another child into an already "dire" financial situation

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 23/04/2012 13:56

I don't think you should have another. Sorry :(

OhdearNigel · 23/04/2012 14:03

On the big families issue - I have a friend with 6 children. They have 4 bedrooms between 8 of them. 2 people per room and they have no intention of ever moving.

ohgawd · 23/04/2012 14:05

How old are you op?

ohgawd · 23/04/2012 14:10

Why are some people so anti more than 2 children? Sad

lunar1 · 23/04/2012 14:15

I really don't think the rooms is the issue. you are in negative equity, are the debts on top of that? mortgage interest rates can only go up. The country is in a mess, do you rely on child benefit and working tax credits.

what if these are cut, what if they cap CB at 2 children?

do you want your children to take part in extra curricular activities and go on trips?

I would write a list of incoming and outgoing money, are you spending more than you earn in a month? look at how that figure will change when interest rates rise.

I feel for you as i would dearly love a third child, we have loads of space and money is not a problem but i had so much fertility treatment and 3 losses to get my precious ds1 and 2 that it would be far to risky to try again.

OhdearNigel · 23/04/2012 14:29

OP - I know you talk about going to university and improving your prospects. BUT.... you have to plan according to your circumstances as they are today. Because those circumstances (getting a better job etc) are out of your control and may not happen.

OhdearNigel · 23/04/2012 14:35

Why are some people so anti more than 2 children?

I think that people are anti having-more-children-than-you-can-reasonably-afford rather than having 3 children

ReindeerBollocks · 23/04/2012 14:39

More children will equate to more money needed for household essentials. On that basis alone I'd advise waiting until things become clearer.

Having said that I have no issue with children sharing rooms. We are moving soon and it will mean DCs will have separate bedrooms, which is a shame as they enjoy sharing at the moment (boy/girl combo so they'll need their own rooms eventually). They will be upset when we actually move.

ReindeerBollocks · 23/04/2012 14:39

Clearer financially*

Floggingmolly · 23/04/2012 14:55

Going to university to improve your career prospects sounds like a good plan in general, but how do you propose to do it while having a 3rd child?
The associated third set of childcare fees in conjunction with losing your salary completely for 3/4 years would hardly improve your already stretched finances.
And of course the better paid job may never materialise at all.
In fact it could well tip you over the edge completely financially, making it impossible to ever leave your present home. You would have to accept the very real possibility of this happening before making your decision (I know it would terrify me if I was in your situation)

melika · 23/04/2012 14:59

can you partition the bedroom?

CallMeAl · 23/04/2012 15:09

The number of bedrooms you have does not equate to whether you can afford your children, or afford to have more.

soverylucky · 23/04/2012 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LtEveDallas · 23/04/2012 15:19

I'm not anti-more-than-2-children I'm anti having-more-children-when-struggling-to-afford-the-two-we-already-have.

OP has:
2 Kids
DH working FT
DW working PT
Debt
Negative equity
A more than 25 yr mortgage
A 3 and 5 yr old sharing already, who at best will be sharing at least until DD is 12 and DS 10

...and says herself that they are "struggling" to cope NOW.

It is not a viable, realistic option to have a third child. Maybe later, but absolutely not now. IMO it would be selfish to do so.

OP says "but the longing is still there and sometimes it's incredibly powerful." So you are just going to have to ignore that longing OP. Think of the childen already here and what it would mean to them. Put them first.

soverylucky · 23/04/2012 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeriatricBabyMama · 23/04/2012 17:03

I don't think it's selfish to wonder if it might be possible to have another child and to run your eyes over your circumstances, wondering if you can make it work. Some of these posts are too harsh.

Hear, hear Hmm

OP, I reckon your best bet is to do the sleeping in the living room thing. In my Ex H's country it's standard for people to do this due to lack of living space. They all seem to manage to make it work just fine :)

You'll need to be very tidy and organised and to keep clutter to a minimum. Streamline your possessions, get rid of as much unnecessary stuff like underworn clothes, books you'll never read again, etc, as you possibly can. Make sure you've got decent but not too bulky storage for your clothing ie no big wardrobes cluttering up the room. Fitted wardrobes that don't jut out too much would be your best bet.

Let's face it, when you're an adult your bedroom is pretty much only used for sleeping in, having sex and storing your clothes. As long as you don't have a vast amount of stuff to find room for, a sofabed in the living room should work fine even if it's not ideal. Maybe put a lock on the door though if you're worried about DC wandering in and catching you in flagrante!