To think my children can share a bedroom

[letasongcarryyoualong]

I have 2 children. DD is 5 and DS is almost 3. I am desperate for another baby, in fact I'd really like another 2 children and have a family of four but practically one more is probably my limit.

However we live in a 2 bed house which because of debt and taking out a mortgage over more than the 25 year term and a 100% mortgage we're in negative equity on and I can't see how we're ever going to be able to afford to move out. Neither of us earn much although we earn enough to keep us from being eligible for benefits. Part of this is DH, he could go for promotions etc but is happy where he is and doesn't want to add to his responsibility. I work part time.

Since we already have a DD and a DS in one bedroom I can't see how it would make much difference to add another. If I had two DDs it might be different, they could share indefinitely but as it is they have to share anyway. And I do worry about that too. At what age will DD need her own space?

I apologise for my comment.
This is really a psychological issue, unresolved grief for the child you were preparing for, this won't resolve through further babies.
You need someone professional to discuss this with, I think, or you may carry the emotional response to that event for a long time ......
Best of luck.

So if your husband agreed to this you would go ahead and have another baby with him even though you no longer love him?

Seriously, OP go and get some professional help with your feelings before you turn everyone's life upside down.

So what happens if you do have another child, and it's another boy? Will you be saying the same as now? When you've had a brother for DS, will you then be determined to have a sister for DD?

Does your DS know he's second best?

You really need some counselling OP. You are not thinking rationally AT ALL.
You can't afford another child, you don't love your husband any more anyway, you have an unhealthy obsession about a "lost" child.
Seriously, you need help.

Totally aside from that, I don't quite get the panic about opposite sex kids sharing a room, as someone from a large family I shared with one or other of my bros until I was 12! Are people worried they might start having sex or something??

HaveE you considered possibility that you might be depressed op.

Surely you can see that with straitened finances, doubts over your relationship with your dh, yearning for dd2 and unresolved issues re: gender disappointment, and sheer lack of space, having another baby is a rotten idea at the moment

It could be depression, I don't know. I did have counselling after DS but I didn't find it helped in any way.

I don't think of DS as "second best." He feels like mine now but for some time he didn't. I wouldn't swap him but all the same I do want to give DD a sister and I thought I was. It's entirely possible I'll have another boy but then I'll have given DS a brother so in a way it's win win.

The point is that I won't be leaving DH, not he me, we are together because of the children, that isn't a bad thing necessarily, I don't love him any more because to be honest over the years the sniping over finances and the various strains and stresses of life have really pulled us apart, but it's made me realise, all the things I'm prepared to compromise on a big family isn't, I need to have more babies, I make beautiful children, I need more.

You don't need more babies and your existing children don't need same sex siblings

You however need to go back to counselling so you can enjoy what you have already got

I need to have more babies, I make beautiful children, I need more

Are you for real OP, get a grip, do you realise how self centred you sound, all about you with no regard for what is best for you existing two children or your DH.

How can you even think about bringing another child into an unloving relationship...I am literally speechless. You need to have a really long think about this.

We all make beautiful children btw

Having read your update, I think you are mistaking your problem. It's not about rooms. It's not even about money. It's about your trying to solve problems with a baby. A new baby wont solve your lack of love for your husband. Or help you get over the disappointment you felt about the gender of your child. In my opinion, you shouldn't even be thinking about having a baby right now.

Curious as to what happened here in the end with the op? Did you talk to your DH?

It's fine at the moment but they're not going to stay little for ever Are they.
Fast farward 10 years into the future, okay when your kids are little that seems like a life time away, but I guArantee a 15 year old girl is not going to want to share s room with her 12/13 year old brother. and nor is he with her.
However on the other hand in 10 years down the Line you could win the lottery and be living in a 10 bedroomed house. Who's anyone to say it won't happen.

Didn't reAlise this was as zombie threAd,

YANBU, it's fine for them to share. I wouldn't be concerned about opposite sexes sharing a room before about 13. They're brother and sister, for heaven's sake.

We have four dc in a three bedroom house. Baby is still in with us. When she moves out of our room, she will either share with her two sisters or one of them whilst the two oldest who are a boy and girl share.

I personally think it's better for the older two to share than to have a big one in with a toddler - they have more in common, share more interests, are more like friends and can still read in bed at night etc.

I'm intrigued to know what happened too.

I know it's a zombie thread dixie

No need to swear. Was just curious. No harm in asking is there?!